Connected

Had an "odd" moment with Paige yesterday.

During our morning routine, I was in the bathroom blowdrying my hair when I heard Paige say "Mom".

It sounded like she was standing outside the bathroom door. I turned off the hairdryer and said "Yeah?"

No response.

So I open the door and no Paige.

I look down the hall toward her room and don't see her. So I walk down there and ask "Did you just call me?"

She had this odd look on her face and said "In myyyy heeaaad."

It was weird.

She said that she needed something from the bathroom and the second after she thought about calling out to me...I said "Yeah?"

She'd heard that and thought it was kinda freaky and at the same time very cool. It was a really fun moment for me personally.

It seems that I have been in Paige's shoes before...

I wonder how often God gets that sort of reaction from us. How much fun is that for Him when we recognize that He heard us when we did not even speak.

a S.W.A.T. to remember

I love our weekly staff meetings at Granger Community Church (we call them S.W.A.T. which stands for Staff Working As Team). Today the meeting was led by our Senior Pastor Mark Beeson and we were discussing internal church things but Mark always has great biblical comparisons to current life and I am going to paraphrase some of today's comparisons...simply because they were AWESOME and I do not want to forget them. (My thoughts in green)

Moses probably thought his life sucked when he was 39. Toiling around in the desert with his sheep all of his life. Not knowing that a year from then he would find the burning bush. He did not know that his pain was part of God's plan. Who better to lead God's people through, and teach them how to survive in, the desert for 40 years than someone who had spent 40 years doing that exact thing! God had a plan. God's plan was/is good. The "pain" you are suffering through today may be part of something BIGGER and greater next year.

Learn in and from your suffering.

Everyone loves a dream...until it happens. Everyone wants to fly to the moon until you build a ship and ask for people to go. Then no one wants to go, it's too scary.

Prepare for change, prepare for the dream.

Seed or harvest? No one given a one dollar bill would think "Yee Ha! I've made it! This is the harvest! Payoff for my life's work! Time to retire!" No, they would think "seed" lets put this dollar to work. What could happen if we all thought that same way about a million dollars.

I don't have a million dollars, but my thought was that every day is a dollar and I can make that day my seed and plant as much as I can while I am here on earth and enjoy the harvest in eternity with God.

I love this team!

My Story

When I first came on staff at GCC my initial reaction was "I am not worthy" and I would bet that many of my co-workers probably felt the same about themselves initially. I felt so much like a fraud that I typed what I believed was my story and gave copies of it to the two Pastors that I would be "reporting" to. This thing was (I believe)21 pages, typed, single spaced. I was certain that they would change their minds, but here it is 2 years and 20 days later and I am still here.

Today, driving into work I was listening to a CD of some worship music and the words rang true and helped me realize how much I have changed. I am ABSOLUTELY worthy of my position. It is not that I am any better than anyone else on the planet, but I realize now that I am EQUAL to everyone else on the planet. I matter and I deserve everything that I accomplish. God loves me just as much as he loves (in no particular order) Mother Theresa, Warren Buffet, Mark Beeson, Oprah Winfrey, Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, the homeless Vietnam Vet that I see pushing a cart every day down Sample St, my children, my spouse, your children, your spouse, our parents, my siblings, etc. I am no better and I am no worse, but only by Gods gift of his Son and the sacrifice made by Christ is that true. Which not only makes me worthy, it makes me grateful (for all things), less judgemental (of myself and others), more forgiving (of myself and others) but most importantly - more accepting of myself which makes me more accepting of others.

I look back at what I believed to be "My Story" and realize that the things that I thought made me undeserving were really not as BIG and AWFUL as I thought they were. Heck, some of it was not mine to feel bad about! Were there things I wish I had not done? Yes, but can't everyone say that?

Wow, have I grown or what?!?!

My Best Friend

You hear the term all your life. "My Best Friend"

Little girls compete for the title (as if there is crown and sash) to be someone's best friend.

Even big girls play the game....that can be ugly. (I don't know if I notice it with boys or men.)

Some time ago I dropped the word "best" from my vocabulary when referring to my friends and I thought I would share about that. So, here it is. The reason for not having a BEST friend label:

It diminishes the value of your other friends.

So, with that being said, I am going to reinstate it into my vocabulary. The big announcement you have all been waiting for:

Who is my Best Friend?

drum roll please......


A friend for 15 years. Been through the good, the bad, the ugly. Shared or knows of my best moments, shared or knows of my worst moments. Has forgiven me for many things. Has loved me through it all. Laughed AT me through most of it. Doesn't always understand me but always accepts me.

None other than:

David! My husband!

I feel good giving him that title. He deserves it. It does not diminish the value of my other friends. He won't flaunt it or rub it in the faces of my other friends. He will wear it under his clothes like a secret identity. My own personal Superman (he is Super!), Batman (He would get a bat out of my hair if need be), Spiderman (he kills spiders for me on a regular basis)....Myman (you get the picture).

Now believe me, he had some tough competition. I am only listing here those people who were placed in my life without any blood or work connections. (Not that those people are not friends, but those relationships were easier to create.) These are the ones that I want to honor because I don't think I let them know often enough how much they mean to me. Let me start in CHRONOLOGICAL order:

Lori - Met in 9th grade. Heart of gold, has actually been around LONGER than Dave. Has also shared a bed with me (don't go there!). She was my only friend when I needed one, she hated me when we first met. She let me be me. She stuck. She laughed at my bike riding. She was there when I tried to be a rebel. She taught me that I could look cute. She brought out the adventurer in me. She remembers...sometimes too much. She may not know it all, but is willing to try most. Will do anything for anyone in need. Cracks me up. Is a survivor through and through. One tough cookie with a soft gooey center.

Paula - Met after I left high school...She too has a longer lifespan than Dave on the friends list. (she too has shared a bed with me....it's a girl thing) She has been my friend, my roomy, my party gal, my other half (she actually dropped down on one knee in front of Azar's and proposed to me once - ring and all - okay, it was a plastic "Big Boy" ring but it still counts...okay we were drunk and tired...so maybe not). She held my hair when I threw up from overdrinking. She taught me how to paint the town whatever color I wanted. She was my dance partner. My fellow "Illusionette" my fellow "Dream Weaver". She helped me remain independent (I know that seems contradictive), and helped me raise my oldest child while I was still single. She is a woman who knows who she is and is not afraid of life. She doesn't compromise who she is for what society says she should be. She can hold her own with a group of sailors but she is ALL WOMAN! She actually had alot to do with how I started dating my husband. She is always going to be there for me.

Jen - Met 7 or 8 years ago (time is foggy when you get older) She is actually an amazing addition. I met her through an old boyfriend who I remained good friends with. (They are now married). She showed me where my passions are. She raised my awareness of my abilities. She let me find out how much I love the things I love through experiencing them with her. She was my guinea pig. She is smart and fun and loving and thoughtful and kind. She is passionate. Did I mention PASSIONATE...about her husband, her kids, her life...She tries to give her all...maybe to a fault but she is learning. She is someone who I feel comfortable with in the matters of Faith. She shares openly. She loves immensly. She is another heart of gold...but she prefers platinum. Will do everything she can if asked. She recently helped me realize the disservice I do to my friends when I try to protect them from the bad things in my life by not allowing them to be there for me. Shame on me. She is my eye opener. I think I will call her VISINE.


I would also like to make special mention of a couple of interesting friendships:

Cher - I have not seen her since I left Florida in 1984. We lost touch when I was in high school but recently...this past January...I googled her (had tried several times over the past few years with no luck) and found a live email. So I took a chance in the hopes it was her and the opening line to her response was "Get out!". So, we have spent alot of emails sharing life and it still clicks. It seems like - how did she put it - our friendship was just on pause. This connection means so much to me. I can not even put it's value into words. I like what she is doing with her life. I feel like having this communication with her completes a circle. I am enjoying getting to know the adult she has become. In her minds eye I am still 13 years old and that is how I remember her as well. (I think it is neat to be locked in someone's memory without the wrinkles, stretchmarks, or extra baggage)

Tracey - Another long distance friend. I have not seen her since she was in my wedding in 1995. We met when I lived in New Jersey (late 80's) and it was like looking at me in a tiny little Italian girl's body. She was my constant friend, one of the family from the second we met. We did some fun stuff together, and some stupid stuff together and if she still wore braces she would still be picking the bugs out of them to proove it! We may not talk much but I know that I can pick up the phone and we can pick up right where we left off without any of the "why haven't you called me in X amount of time?" crap that some people lay on you. She is THERE. I am THERE for her. We know that about each other and are good with that.

So to all my friends. Thank you. Words can not express what you mean to me. You are all THE BEST. Each of you are so different from one another. (I find it fascinating that I have never had all of you in the same room together....would the building survive that much awesomeness in one space?!?!?) One of these days I would love to do a brunch to celebrate you all and the place that you have in my heart. Break out your calendars!


Love to my sisters!

Extra love to my Best Friend.

I am so blessed.

Regarding the Virginia Tech shootings

Please know that I did not experience college the way most do. I have a year under my belt at a community college and of course there was that year at beauty school...but that does not count. I say that to let you know that I honestly do NOT know what resources are available on campus and I am going to share a letter I wrote to my friend Cher who is a college professor:

"I had been trying to avoid the VT shooting incident until I could REALLY look at it. Yesterday I made a point of watching a broadcast that told about the victims and I had not realized how many professors had been killed and I instantly thought of {my friend Cher}.

It worries me that there were several people who feared this young man and no one listened to them. Fellow students saw in his writing that there was something wrong. He had a tutor that feared him so much so that she had a code word for her assistant to seek emergency assistance. There were records of him stalking not one, but two different women. Obviously no one was 'listening' to him either. What has to happen before people start taking active roles to prevent this type of tragedy? Those victims could have been my daughter, or her friends and the professors could have been {my friend Cher}.

This morning, I watched clips from the video that Mr. Cho made between his shootings and obviously this guy was hurting and feeling insignificant and was obviously mentally unstable. There are records of him having spent time in a mental health care facility. Isn't that on part of the background check when people apply for a gun license and make purchase of a gun?

College years are very transitional for most people. Some people do not have the maturity, sense of responsibility, independence, ability to adapt, social skills, level of mental health, etc. required to be in that sort of environment. There needs to be a way for someone or a group to be prepared to figure out who these people are. There should be a person or group that staff and students could go to who would be willing to REALLY look into the warning signs exhibited and offer support to these people before they take things into their own hands and find a way to lash out at others and/or themselves.

The Cho family must be devastated. I know the victims families are, but image if you were the parents or family of Mr. Cho...guilt on top of grief. Layers and layers of pain. How sad for all of them. What a tragic loss for all of us. What potential leaders, doctors, entertainers, authors, teachers, mothers, fathers, and friends did we lose in those that were lost that day? So many people with so much potential to contribute to society, now gone.

Christians, by Maya Angelou

Christians - By Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."

I'm whispering "I was lost,

Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble

and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak

And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed

And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible

But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain.

I have my share of heartaches

So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner

Who received God's good grace, somehow!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I had to wait a day to get over it all. Yesterday...started out with the Bad and the Ugly but ended with the Good.

For those of you not reading from the Michiana area...yesterday was quite frankly...

....schmitty weather.

I went out at 6:45 am to warm up the truck and it was cold, and the weekends vomitous (is that even a word?) of snow was on the ground, but that was it. Fifteen minutes later I gather Paige and go out to take her to the bus and it was...........ridiculous. Wind whipping, snow stinging, can't see past my arm snowfall, and freezing. I lock Paige in the truck (nice and almost warm) and run and yell at Breanna to get her butt in gear we are leaving NOW. It took me almost an hour and a half to make what normally is a 30 minute journey if I hit all the lights red. Somewhere in the half dozen times that I had to get out of my truck to clean the ice off my wipers, I lost my cell phone. Luckily, after I came back to pick Paige up from school, I found it. Frozen under the snow in the parking lot....broken in half. (but the SIM card is still good)

That was the BAD.

Originally when I had left my house, I had my hair looking pretty cute. For those of you familiar with my naturally curly tresses...after braving the elements, that was the UGLY.

When I came home, I was dreading the fact that Dave would have to spend hours shoveling our drive and sidewalks. As I pulled up to my house, I had to take a moment to pull my chin out of my lap so that I could turn into my driveway. My COMPLETELY PLOWED driveway. Someone had plowed our drive and our front walk. I have NO CLUE who it was. I got out of my truck and just stood there turning in circles waiting for someone to come out and claim their good deed. No one appeared. So, thank you whoever you are... that was the GOOD of what could have been just a Bad and Ugly day.

Lost no more!

Several weeks ago, early November, Breanna lost her snake. She had left a clip off of his cage. We tore the house apart looking for him...we tore it apart again. We had to stop looking. She has been heartbroken over it ever since. The slightest mention of him would bring a scowl to her face and you could tell it made her sad to think of him. She loved that snake. She covered his cage with a black cloth. Over time she believed him to be dead. She mourned him.
(My belief had always been that he got out of the house and was living a happy life in the cornfields nearby. Dave believed he would show up sooner or later)

Last night I had a really weird dream in which every roof in our house was just springing leaks left and right and rivers of water were coming from our ceilings. Same dream, I was laying in bed and looked up and spot Akuji and grab him and run to put him in his cage but it is filled with mud and a big intruder snake is there so I grab it and I have a snake in both hands and I start yelling for Dave to come help me get the cage cleaned out...I don't remember anything after that.

This morning I read the pets section in the classified ads and there was an ad for a snake similar to Breanna's...there are rarely EVER ads for that snake in the paper. I was going to tell Breanna my dream but then decided not to since it would probably depress her.

Dave and I were doing laundry and when I went downstairs to put in a load of whites, I noticed that there was a white sock by the sub pump so just as I bend down to grab it I spot something odd near the sub pump well and I was in awe. It was Akuji. My heart starting beating like mad, but I remember moving real slow and saying Dave's name. I was certain that if I touched him he would move so fast I would never catch him, or that...he would not move at all. So I gently placed my hand on his "back" and wrapped my hand around his body. He was SOOOO cold. I thought he was dead. I picked him up and as soon as I lifted him off the ground, he turned around and looked at me with those cute little red eyes and stuck his tongue out as if the say....oh, it's you.

Dave had not quite figured out what was going on until I turned around with my hands full of our scaley, beautiful friend. He looked stunned! The first thing we both do is start screaming Breanna's name and I run for the stairs. She gets to the top of the steps seconds before me and I am just saying her name and she is saying "What? What?" because she is not thinking to look for a snake she does not see it until I shove my hands in her face. She now has the stunned look, grabs him up and "hugs" him saying "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD" and she just goes and sits down and is crying and hugging her snake all at the same time and saying thank you to me over and over again.

It has been a grand reunion. Breanna has not put him down. I know some of you may find this silly, but we really love our animals here...even the no legged ones. It was a very emotional moment for us.

Let me tell you this: I don't know that I would have SEEN Akuji if it had not been for the dream, and the newspaper ad keeping him on my mind today. To be quite honest, my laundry room is not particularly the cleanest and right next to the sub pump well, and where most of Akuji was laying next to, were two red tool boxes...for those who don't know him, Akuji has quite a bit of red in him.

Godwink?

'Twas 2 weeks (or less) before Christmas

...and all through the house, all the creatures are stirring and even the new mouse. The stockings aren't hung, the chimney is bare, poor Saint Nicholas wont understand when he gets here.

Basically, this Christmas season I decided that, I am not going to stress about Christmas shopping, and wrapping and getting the perfect gift for each person on my list. I am having way too much fun being involved in events where I am giving my time and energy and love.

I am heading up the Adopt-A-GCC-Family program at our church and though it at times can be a very emotional and challenging program...I feel like I have front row seats to a show called "Miracle...LIVE".

I spent nine hours with a friend and several more with my family baking cookies and creating chocolate covered fruits - as a gift for a group of friends.

Our family spent a Saturday morning helping unload a semi (one of seven) of food onto another truck and then helping deliver that food door to door to a community that needed it.

It has been an honor and a pleasure to be a part of the giving...what a great gift for me.

In case I don't have another chance to say this to each of you:

Merry Christmas!

"HE loves me MORE!"

This is something I wanted to share with the world but first I needed to share it with and thank the childrens ministry at Granger Community Church.

(I turned into a blubbering mess retelling this at our weekly staff meeting, but I think "blubbering mess" is pretty much expected from me by now.)

This past Sunday, after we attended services Paige and I were at the kitchen table chatting about her singing in this coming weekend's service with all the other kids and her memory verse from Ephesians and the lessons she learned in the Heir Force room at church....

I really don't recall the conversation very well because quite frankly this part shines in my memory like a beacon of light. She said something about God's love for her and I said "Well you know how much I love you?" (emphasis on the "I" because I have always made it quite apparent to my kids how much I love them) and she said "Yeah" and just as I was about to say it, she reached over and grabbed my arm and with wide eyes and a smile she said "HE loves me MORE!"

She knows. She understands that she matters. A goal accomplished with the help of friends. Thanks again to our children's ministry and the people in the Heir Force room.

The Bridge

Heard this song by Elton John today...

I've seen the bridge and the bridge is long
And they built it high and they built it strong
Strong enough to hold the weight of time
Long enough to leave some of us behind

[chorus:]
And every one of us has to face that day
Do you cross the bridge or do you fade away
And every one of us that ever came to play
Has to cross the bridge or fade away

Standing on the bridge looking at the waves
Seen so many jump, never seen one saved
On a distant beach your song can die
On a bitter wind, on a cruel tide

[repeat chorus]

And the bridge it shines
Oh cold hard iron
Saying come and risk it all
Or die trying

[repeat chorus]

Fog

September 15, 2006

It has been foggy here in the mornings lately. I must say that the team in charge of landscaping our campus must have had fog in mind when they designed it. I would include pictures but they would not do it justice, so I will just borrow this one from Mark Waltz. I feel grateful that when I arrive at work and enter through the back entrance that there is such beautiful scenery to provide a moment of serenity and then God just adds that little special finishing touch by creating fog...it blocks out the empty space and lets you truly see the definition of certain objects, and plants, it forces you to focus on the bigger stuff and look at what is directly in front of you.

This is TRULY divine inspiration

Here is the church....


....without a steeple


Open the door....













And see all the LEGO people!



This is a church made entirely out of Lego. NO, it is
not life size however the specs are pretty darn impressive:

How long to build it?
It was about a year and a half of planning, building and photographing.

How many pieces of LEGO to build it?
More than 75.000

How big is it? About 7 feet by 5 1/2 feet by 30 inches (2.2m x 1.7m x 0.76m)

How many lego people does it seat?
1.372 (Sounds like a MEGA church to me!)

How many windows?
3.976

It also features a balcony, a Narthex, stairs to the balcony, restrooms, coat rooms, several mosaics, a nave, a baptistery, an alter, a crucifix, a pulpit and an elaborate pipe organ.
What? No cafe? What's up with that?

(To see more amazing pictures of the Lego church clickon the first picture above)