A bit more traditional costume

....if you can ever call Breanna traditional, it would be at Halloween.
This is how she went to school today.
She was not happy about me taking a picture of her,
but I gave her the argument that as long as she dressed up for Halloween
I would be taking pictures - hence the look on her face.

Of course, I only include the next photo so that you can see the full effect:

These pictures do not do this "costume" any justice. You cant see the belts or the accessories or the boots very well. But she somehow got it all. The scary thing is that all of the garments, are either hers or mine from our everyday wardrobe. Nothing she is wearing was purchased as "costume"; it all naturally fell together in her head.

Guess the costume

Okay, so I know you are wondering..."What the... is Paige trying to be?" So I will give you another clue:

You should be saying "OHHHH....Mary...I get it."

I guess her doll really wanted to dress as Jesus for Halloween. You know how we mothers are...anything for our kids.

Fun stuff in the life of Breanna

Breanna has some fun things in her life...these are what she shared with me recently.


#1 Breanna has a friend named Zeke. Zeke had a dream.

This is Zeke (on the right):



Zeke had a very important dream one night. So important that Zeke woke up and made himself a note so that he would not forget his very important message. This is the important message Zeke did not want to forget:



Translation of Zeke's very important message: "800 nipple hands are need to start a revolution"

- For the record...I like Zeke.



#2 There is an Italian foreign exchange student attending Breanna's high school. His name is Carlo-Andrea. Everyone calls him Carlo. This is Carlo:

Ignore the flower (forgive him, he knows not what he does).

According to Breanna, Carlo does "tricks" - I however see it as Carlo just having fun.

According to Breanna this is Carlo being "cute" :


(Yes, he is speaking in Italian...the English translation is: "Dad, are you there? Can you do it? Get connected!")

...and this is Carlo being "schmexy" (again, according to Breanna) but saying the same thing.


-For the record...I like Carlo too.

Thanks to both of these young men for amusing my daughter...and in turn...ME, which is truly what is important, humoring ME, it's all about ME.

A Final Good-bye...a tribute from my heart

Timothy L. Kovas
May 12, 1958 - October 4, 2006
In loving memory

Of Tim...

I knew his eyes and they were kind
I knew his smile and it was glorious
I knew his voice, it was one of God's deepest songs
and I will miss hearing it
I knew his strength and his embrace
and they were comforting
I knew his courage and it's limitations
but accepted his humanity
I knew his laughter and it was a contagious roar
I knew his wounds, his scars, his tears and despair
and I was there when he asked me to comfort him
I knew his heart was for his children
and admired his unending devotion to them
I knew his passion for knowledge
and he shared it with me often
I knew his curiosities and imagination
and they fed his sense of humor
and I feel privileged to have been there
so often when they collided
I knew his weaknesses and his fears and insecurities
and loved him in spite of,
and because of them
I knew his love for his family and his friends
and it was tremendous
I knew that he knew me, the good and the bad
and still loved me
I knew his love for me and will cherish
every moment I had with him
I knew the man and he was Beautiful
and not time
not circumstance
not even death
will diminish his beauty...
that will always be with me

Phantom Pain

I have no idea how or in what order to put down these thoughts, I just know that they are flooding my brain and I need to get them out.

There is this phenomenon that I once read about called "phantom pain". It is a type of pain that people who have had an amputation of a leg, arm, finger, etc are suffering from. It is called "phantom" because they feel the pain coming from that part of the body which is no longer connected to them. It is a pain that I never thought I would be able to understand.

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize that though we are physical beings made up of clusters of cell and DNA and nerve endings and all of those things that can be seen and touched; there is this part of us that only WE can feel. The part of us that makes who we are that has nothing to do with our skin, hair, eyes, or internal organs. It is a part of us that makes up who we are but we had no part of creating. It is the part of us that only God completely knows. It is made up of what he created before we were born and then additions are made to it by the lives we live and the decisions we make and the people we meet. Some call it our "spirit" or "soul" and quite frankly I do not think that those terms are sufficient to describe this. Those words seem too small to decscribe that part of us which is not physical but I will use them until I can find one that I believe will better fit

I later, watched a documentary on phantom pain...I found this topic fascinating. What I remember was there was no real pattern to it. The pain ranged from severe and constant to a dull ache that was not constant but presented itself years after the loss of the limb.

I have come up with this theory that this unseen part of us has appendages, just like that which is seen. Those appendages are created by the connections we make with the people in our life. We even take them for granted, just like we assume we will always have legs and will be able to walk, we don't think about the loss of this "appendage" and the pain we will have with that loss.

I lost a very dear friend a few days ago and the next day I went to work, which was a mistake but I did not know that. What I remember most about my time at work was my friend Julie asking me what I was feeling. It was the most difficult time I have ever had trying to label a feeling. I came up with "sorrow" and "regret" but just like an amputee I was feeling a pain in a part of me that can not be seen. I wanted to say that my "heart" was hurting but physically that was not true.

My friend Tim, used to call me his appendage. It was a joke, but now I realize how appropriate that label was. We had a great friendship and a connection that I cherished and I miss him SOOO very much. This loss of my friend, this grief, I can not describe it but I would say the best description is "spiritual phantom pain" and I know that in time it will be less severe - but the wound right now is pretty fresh and it really hurts.

Jesus - the seeker

I went to a conference this past week and during one of many group trips a flip comment came out of my mouth. (Big surprise, I know) Something along the lines of "I believe that Jesus was a seeker." (You definitely had to be there.) My fellow "groupie" Angela took that thought into consideration and was intrigued by it, but the conversation went no further. Well, the thought perplexed my brain for a while and then was gone until this evening. I was at a class at church and Rob Wegner was teaching and in the notes this verse was noted:

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." - Luke 19:10 (NIV)

Then it hit me. We (the church I belong to, along with several others) take the occasional bashing for being "seeker friendly"; well YEAH...

Think of this verse from one of the top songs of ALL TIME

"I once was lost but now am found..."

We are the lost, not the seekers.

How many times do you hear from survival experts that if you are LOST to just stay put, be still so that those searching for you can find you?

I recall having been annoyed by the term "I found Jesus" and thought "What, was he lost? Was he hiding behind a tree? Was he captured? Was there a hostage situation?"

When you read Luke 19:10, shouldn't every church truly be "Seeker Friendly" after all?