A reunion with an old friend

It was Christmas of 1983. I was in the seventh grade and I was 12 years old. I was into typical things for a girl of that age back then, but specifically...unicorns. My parents gave me this book as a gift that year. I doubt they even remember it. I look at the cover and think that the reason they bought it for me had very little to do with the story as it did the fact that it was a book (my favorite pastime back then) and it had a unicorn on it (which was something I collected back then) so win and win. Great gift. Little did they know the impact this book would have on me.

This was the first book that I remember reading that challenged my thinking. It taught me things and at the same time, it made me do some research on my own...which was harder in 1983 than it is now. I actually had to use a dictionary and an encyclopedia! The story was good but there were words and topics that I did not fully understand. I liked the story enough that I was compelled to look stuff up. This was a first for me.

I had loved reading ever since I can remember, but this book was my first "adult" novel. I think that had my parents read the last few pages that they would not have given it to me, so parents...I advise you to NOT buy this book for your 12 year old daughters...unless you want to rip out pages 319 - 321. This is the first book that when it ended, my heart felt broken. Both because of the ending of the story and because I did not want to be done with the book. I'd found friends in the pages of the book. I'd grown attached to them.

Over time, that book was the only thing I kept from my childhood. I read it 2 or 3 times a year until my husband and I moved into the house we live in now. We have been here 11 years. So, I guess I had read that book between 24 and 36 times over a 12 year period...each time I understood more and more about the characters and the story...and about what went on from page 319 - 321. The book was my comfort food, my nicotene, my blankey, my safe place...it was home. It was the one constant when nothing else seemed to be. My friend.

You may wonder why I stopped reading it. Had I grown up? Was it now boring? Yes I had grown up...unfortunately after having moved so many times and having been read and loved more than any book on the planet...she fell apart. It started with the cover, then slowly the pages began falling apart and finally she disappeared. I don't remember throwing her away, she just wasn't where she was supposed to be any longer. When I first realized it a few years ago, I was very saddened but figured I could locate her at a library or a local book store...boy was I wrong. Nothing turned up at the used book stores locally either. Even if I had found it, I could not have bought it. She was a gift to me, and it would be weird to buy the book for myself.

I found an electronic version on line, but it wasn't the same. The cover illustration was different and the feel would be wrong if I downloaded and printed it at home. After a little searching I found some used copies on line...so I hinted around to my parents and my husband for a few years. Birthdays, Valentines Day, Christmas, Anniversary...

Well, this Christmas, my husband gave me the best gift ever...diamonds could not even come close. He purchased a copy that - though the page edges are yellow, has never been read (or at least the binding never broken) and is signed by the cover artist. Though it is signed "To Stuart..." still, a collectible for me. He also purchased another copy, in decent condition so that I can read...over and over until she too falls apart...

For those who know me, and are placing bets...yes, I cried. I am rather weepy now...good tears. Being reunited with a friend...what a great gift...I have been through cover to cover and my Breanna (16 years old is okay, 12 not so much) has gotten to know my friend and likes her quite a bit - except pages 319-321...

So Dave, honey, these words really can not do justice to how much this has meant to me.

Thanks honey, I love you very much.

(And hey, Steven R. Boyett...if you're out there...thanks to you as well.)

A Floppy Morning

So, I was going to take a break from blogging for the holidays but had to share this.

I dropped Paige at school today and there was this little dog running all over the parking lot. It was actually running alongside a pick up truck as it was trying to park. Paige said it had been at the school yesterday as well. As I got out to help Paige with her things I noticed that it would run up to every open car door trying to get in. So after I got Paige into her school I tried calling the dog over to see if I could read it's tags...it had many. It would not come to me. So I go to my truck and open the door and it hopped in! Not really a surprise when you note it's previous behavior. A gentleman came out of the school whistling for the dog...appparently he saw the chaos it was creating and so I told him it hopped in my truck and that I'd take it to the shelter. Well, both shelters were closed on the way to work.This dog was too funny and a cute little thing. The whole drive to Breanna's school it rode on her lap with it's face pressed to the windshield as if it wanted to see where we were going. I dropped Breanna off and the dog remained in her seat and was very vigil during our drive.

When I pulled into the parking lot at church, it got all excited. As soon as I opened the door it darted out and ran around a bit....UGH! It would not come to me. I don't know it's name. I noticed that it kept heading for the doors so I jiggled my keys and it followed me to the door and walked right in when I unlocked it. I called the vet on the tags who gave me the owners information and the dogs name. She is called Floppy. They did not answer, so I left a message with my cell # and told them she would be at the Humane Society. I called the Humane Society to send someone out and began making signs to put on the closed doors to the common areas of the church offices to let them know that Floppy was here and to knock so that I could grab hold of her because as soon as I started using her name, she began barking at people who came in through this entrance. Apparently having formal knowledge of who she is granted me protection rights in doggy code. So, I tell you all of that to tell you this....

As I am writing the signs, one of the doors opens and Floppy starts going nuts barking. At who? You might ask. Well Mark Beeson and his son Aaron of course! Who else? I am just trying to help a creature out and what does she do - tries to make me look bad in front of the man who founded and leads Granger Community Church. Way to go Floppy! Thanks for protecting me. I apologized profusely...I truly am sorry.

(side note, Floppy's owner called before the Humane Society got here so I called them off and she came to pick her up..."and they all lived happily ever after" )

'Twas 2 weeks (or less) before Christmas

...and all through the house, all the creatures are stirring and even the new mouse. The stockings aren't hung, the chimney is bare, poor Saint Nicholas wont understand when he gets here.

Basically, this Christmas season I decided that, I am not going to stress about Christmas shopping, and wrapping and getting the perfect gift for each person on my list. I am having way too much fun being involved in events where I am giving my time and energy and love.

I am heading up the Adopt-A-GCC-Family program at our church and though it at times can be a very emotional and challenging program...I feel like I have front row seats to a show called "Miracle...LIVE".

I spent nine hours with a friend and several more with my family baking cookies and creating chocolate covered fruits - as a gift for a group of friends.

Our family spent a Saturday morning helping unload a semi (one of seven) of food onto another truck and then helping deliver that food door to door to a community that needed it.

It has been an honor and a pleasure to be a part of the giving...what a great gift for me.

In case I don't have another chance to say this to each of you:

Merry Christmas!

An Inconvenient Truth

This is a longer post so if you aren't brave enough or dont have the time - here is my main point: Go get a copy of this movie - purchase, rent, or borrow it from your library but you need to see it!

I am going to share something that may surprise you: I never knew what exactly Global Warming is - until today. Now, I am worried. Of all places to be educated...the Oprah Winfrey show. Of all the people who I could have learned this from, who taught me? Al Gore.

I knew he had been doing "something" about the environment, but I chose to ignore what it was. Today, somehow my attention was captured by the above picture of the Earth. The show that followed had me sitting wide eyed staring at the TV thinking, oh my goodness. This is real. This not only COULD happen, this IS GOING to happen in MY lifetime. OUR TIMEFRAME to be able to contain and reverse this process is said to be 10 years. 10 years. Think about how quickly your child went from birth to age 10. That went pretty quickly for me. It may as well be tomorrow. Think about it.

That picture made it real for me.

It is a computer generated rendering of what will happen to Florida in 45 years if we dont stop this. I can see the area that I used to call home, Tampa, and it is under water. This picture is nothing compared to Singapore, San Diego, and Manhattan. There will be hundreds of millions of people that will be displaced because of the rising sea level. There is already a village in Alaska where homes have been lost to the sea or have had to be relocated because of the rising sea level. The cost to relocate the entire village is estimated to be $100 million.

Global warming is caused by an excess of CO2 emissions. The sun heats the earth and the earth emits infrared rays and some are naturally trapped by the earth's atmosphere. CO2 emissions are causing a thickening of the atmosphere therefore trapping more of the infrared and creating Global Warming. The photographic and scientific proof presented to me and anyone that watched Oprah today was astounding. Once you watch it, you can't ignore it. You WANT to do something, thankfully they gave us 5 things every household can do to decrease their CO2 emissions.

• use compact flourecscent lightbulbs and/or use outdoor solar lighting- the result of doing this alone is staggering
• switch to a programmable thermostat that reduces your energy use while you are not home
• change your air/furnace filters regularly
• wrap your water heater in a specially designed water heater blanket
• purchase energy star appliances

You can also balance your CO2 emissions with the planting of trees. If you plant 4 trees per month it balances the emissions that you produce. You can go to americanforest.org and purchase trees to be planted. For every dollar you spend a tree is planted. There is a $15.oo minimum donation.

I plan on still being alive in 45 years. Not only do I NOT want to see this. I don't want this to be the legacy left behind by my generation for my children and grandchildren.

Educate yourselves. Do something now:

An Inconvenient Truth

Al Gore's documentary, directed by Davis Guggenheim, is now available on DVD.www.climatecrisis.net. (I have checked and it is available at our local libraries)
Proceeds from the purchase of the book or DVD - 100% go into supporting a non-partisan organization that continues education of global warming.

Earth 911

Earth 911 seeks to empower the public with community-specific resources to improve their quality of life. Find information about recycling your Christmas tree, too.www.earth911.com

Sierra ClubSierra Club is the largest and oldest non-profit environmental organization working to protect the planet.www.sierraclub.org

Stop Global Warming Virtual March

The Stop Global Warming Virtual March is a non-political effort bringing Americans together to declare that global warming is here now and it's time to act.www.stopglobalwarming.org

Paporganics

Paporganics creates stationery and gift wrap made from organic cotton, hemp and recycled fibers.www.paporganics.com

Tree Hugger

Tree Hugger is a Web magazine with tips and advice on living a sustainable lifestyle, and seeking environmental solutions and initiatives.www.treehugger.com

American Forests

American Forests is an organization dedicated to protecting and restoring trees and forests. A minimum donation is $15. Every dollar you donate plants one tree.www.americanforests.org

"HE loves me MORE!"

This is something I wanted to share with the world but first I needed to share it with and thank the childrens ministry at Granger Community Church.

(I turned into a blubbering mess retelling this at our weekly staff meeting, but I think "blubbering mess" is pretty much expected from me by now.)

This past Sunday, after we attended services Paige and I were at the kitchen table chatting about her singing in this coming weekend's service with all the other kids and her memory verse from Ephesians and the lessons she learned in the Heir Force room at church....

I really don't recall the conversation very well because quite frankly this part shines in my memory like a beacon of light. She said something about God's love for her and I said "Well you know how much I love you?" (emphasis on the "I" because I have always made it quite apparent to my kids how much I love them) and she said "Yeah" and just as I was about to say it, she reached over and grabbed my arm and with wide eyes and a smile she said "HE loves me MORE!"

She knows. She understands that she matters. A goal accomplished with the help of friends. Thanks again to our children's ministry and the people in the Heir Force room.

...this was not much of a surprise to me

You Are Marge Simpson

You're a devoted family member who loves unconditionally. Sometimes, though, you dream about living a wild secret life! You will be remembered for: your good cooking and evading the police Your life philosophy: "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

The Simpsons Personality Test

I found this on my buddy Stephen's blog...go figure...I'm Marge. I was kind of hoping for Lisa.

BREANNA! Happy "sweet" 16 !!!

No one knows her the way that I do...I am sure everyone can say that, but my relationship with her is special. Most of the world sees her hard, brightly colored candy shell, but I see her mushy chocolatey insides. Yes, I am comparing her to an m&m. A red one to be precise. So, this will probably wipe all previous posts from view, but I want to share a photo montage of her life thus far. I will not caption the pictures...nor will I explain them. This is more for her than anyone else and I don't have enough space on the entire internet to describe all of these pictures properly.

Happy Birthday Beanie Jo!!!! My Butterfly, I Love you.

Two Big Moments for Me

#1 I created a pie yesterday. I did not just MAKE a pie, which would mean that I used someone elses recipe. I CREATED a pie, from my own brain...no recipes...raw ingredients (well, storebought graham craker crust but the complete idea is MINE!). I even had enough sense to write down everything I used so that I could recreate it. AND my husband thought it was good and Breanna likes it even better than my pineapple cake (which is not MY creation but something that I can bake well)...and that says alot because she LOVES my pineapple cake.

#2 I finally have a subscribe option on my blog. Look over there <----- that little orange thingy at the top left side of the page. Apparently if you click on it, you can have an email sent to you every time I post something new instead of checking randomly hoping I have shared some of my vast wealth of insight and wisdom. So, I dedicate my Feedblitz subscribe button to my pal Kathy Guy...she was the one who noticed that this element was missing from my blog.

Looks like I'm "IT"

I have quiety lived in the blogosphere for almost a year and have never been "Tagged" until my pal Julie, who just entered the blogging realm, ruined my streak. So, I will happily play along, until of course the last question - which you will understand when you get there. Now aside from the fact that my husband and children are always the TOP THREE people who I love, and make me laugh, and am afraid of losing here is my "Three Things" list:

Three things that scare me.
1. Getting old and becoming an invalid
2. My children (so, many possibilities and only one me)
3. Small Talk

Three people who make me laugh.
1. Until recently, my friend Tim (r.i.p Chief)
2. Theresa Hoeft
3. Jack Magruder

Three things I love.
1. Eyeballs
2. Fuzzy slippers
3. Books

Three things I hate.
1. Spiders (insects in general)
2. Not being able to help a child who is in pain
3. Getting my socks wet

Three things I don't understand
1. Aerodynamics
2. Physics
3. HTML

Three things I love in a girl/boy.
1. An odd sense of humor
2. Ability to share of themselves without be prodded
3. Confidence without conceit

Three ways to best describe my personality.
1. An introvert living in an extroverts body
2. Helpful
3. Curious
(Dave says: Bright, Bubbly and Goofy)

Three things I can't do.
1. Play a sport without getting injured
2. Touch my nose w/ my tongue OR curl my tongue
3. Small Talk

Three favorite movies.
1. Gone With the Wind
2. The Wedding Date
3. Legends of the Fall

Three goals for the future.
1. Own my own all inclusive wedding venue
2. Be at my goal weight by the age of 40
3. Do the announcements at New Community (speak in public)

Three of my dumbest moments.
1. The first time I went ice skating: Picture my whole family, all of us first timers on the ice. We were on the ice maybe 30 minutes and I think I am doing great so I am skating alone trying to go around the turn and instead of turning I start SPINNING and fall. While mid-fall I thought that I should do my best not to hit my head and angled it away from the ice. Unfortunately when I hit, I went down on my side and the angle of my head caused my neck to snap and slam the left side of my face directly into the ice. I did not go unconcious but I remember the world turning gray and when I refocused I could see my husband crawling across the ice with a look of panic on his face. The stupid part of this is that I had Dave and a rink guard sliding me off the ice, and then tried to act fine and let the family continue to skate while I took a break inside. It wasn't long before I realized I should be seen at the ER. All turned out okay, however, I had just begun a new job and NO ONE there was brave enough to ask how I got the bruises all over my face.

2. Throwing away a scholarship to Notre Dame

3. Encouraging a boyfriend to take one of my friend's to her high school senior prom. Do I really need to tell you how THAT turned out? However, she and I are again great friends, as are he and I - AND I even helped his wife (who is also now a great friend) plan their wedding!

Three people I'm tagging...

No one. It stops here! Aside from that, everyone else I know that has a blog has already been tagged!

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With all of that said, this was kind of fun. Thanks Julie for including me, it made me think and reflect on some pretty interesting moments.

The music in my head

Okay, some people know that I constantly have a tune of some sort in my head throughout the day. Over the years the most frequently played songs in my head have been:

The Tra-La-La Song (One Banana, Two Banana) from the show The Banana Splits
Wont You Be My Neighbor from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood
If I Only Had a Brain from the Wizard of Oz
Yellow Submarine by The Beatles

Now, some have tried to determine my mood based on the tune I hum and really I must tell you...the mood does not determine it, an event may determine what sets off a particular song, but never my mood. Sometimes it is the same song all day, and then there are days where the songs just rotate randomly - as if my brain is it's own iPod (or better yet, it's own Zune) and it only has a few songs and it is set on SHUFFLE.

What I recently shared with my pal Kathy was that I most days wake up with a song in my head (never one of the four above) and I don't believe that any dreams set it off. Some are songs I have recently heard and others are songs that I have not heard in a very long time. Some times it is a medley of songs.

So, I started tracking the songs that I wake up to (to the best of my abilities, but it can be hard for me because most times I ignore the fact that the song is there...I have dealt with it most of my adult life so I don't always notice it and by the time I get back to my list to make note of it, I have forgotten what it was.

The other day I was telling my husband about the latest song medley I woke up to and apparently I have been so used to this aspect of myself that in the 14 years we have known each other I had never told him about this. I get the feeling that his suspicions of me being an odd person were confirmed in that moment...but he stayed so apparently he loves my oddities.

So, I was tracking my songs to share on my blog and here are the ones I was able to jot down. (I also tried to make note of any events that day that may be related thinking maybe my songs are little premonitions...silly I know but hey, there must be a reason for me waking to a tune each day. No, I do not have a radio alarm for all you smart alecks out there. I would love to know if anyone else shares this malaise. Okay, here is my list:

Friday, October 20, 2006

Manic Monday - The Bengals

(Kathy asked me if I would be available on Monday, to assist with a small groups event)

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Family Tradition – Hank Williams Jr.

(Woke up at 5:46 with this song in my head. Around 7 am I could no longer fight it, I got dressed and went and visited my parents…it had been 2 weeks)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

NO SONG

(No work)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sunday Morning – Maroon 5

(Obviously on a Monday morning I would want an extended weekend…)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Trouble – Pink

(Paige had a dentist appointment that was…eventful)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Adrian – Jewel

(This song, is about a boy who is in an accident and is comatose the rest of his life and a childhood (girl)friend keeps wishing he can come out to play. There was nothing to relate this to in my life that day.)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

NO SONG
(No work, Breanna had a root canal done…great fun…darn it, I should have taken pictures of it ! I did get a picture of the squirrel in the parking lot…looked like he was saving a space for his posse)

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Why’d you lie to me – Anastasia

My sister, her boyfriend, his daughter, her youngest daughter and their daughter together all came over unexpectedly to join my husband and daughter trick or treating…

Very interesting.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

1:27 a.m. Modern Love – David Bowie

5:36 a.m. Afternoon Delight – The Starland Vocal Band

(I will not share the details of the relevance of these songs)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Blue on Black – Kenny Wayne Sheppard

Monday, November 06, 2006 (80’s songs medley)

Too Shy Shy – Kajagoogoo
Kharma Cameleon – Culture Club
Run RunAway - Slade (or Big Sea)
Runaway – Bon Jovi
Warrior – Scandal

(note, after Warrior started dying down, Beat It by Michael Jackson tried to rev up and I purposely latched on to Warrior and played it all the way through in my head because I will be vexed before I allow The Freak of Pop a place in my head.)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Wedding March – Resurrection Brass version

(I had a dream about a wedding so that is really not surprising…the surprise is that the song actually related to a dream!)

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I was trying to see if there was a pattern to when I noticed I DID NOT wake with a song in my head, but there did not seem to be one. Aside from that, it was not often enough. As you may have noticed I do not have EVERY day down, but like I said, somedays I would just forget to make note or I would forget what it was. One day, just recently, I woke up with a song in my head, and I had NEVER heard it before! It is like my brain made up it's own song! It was a man's voice singing and the lyrics made sense, but I knew it was not a REAL song. Weird, I know, but I like me that way.

The Devil's Dictionary

Has anyone ever read The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce?
I had never heard of it before.

You can read it for free HERE

This is what I found online regarding this work:

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) was one of nineteenth-century America's most renowned satirists. The author of short stories, essays, fables, poems, and sketches, he was a popular columnist and wrote for several San Francisco and London newspapers during his forty-year journalism career.

The Devil's Dictionary was begun in a weekly paper in 1881, and was continued in a desultory way at long intervals until 1906. In that year a large part of it was published in covers with the title The Cynic's Word Book, a name which the author had not the power to reject or happiness to approve. To quote the publishers of the present work:

"This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by the religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of the work had appeared, with the natural consequence that when it came out in covers the country already had been flooded by its imitators with a score of 'cynic' books -- The Cynic's This, The Cynic's That, and The Cynic's t'Other. Most of these books were merely stupid, though some of them added the distinction of silliness. Among them, they brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep that any book bearing it was discredited in advance of publication."

Here are some excerpts from the dictionary that I felt you (my loyal readers) might find interesting. Please take no offense...I did not personally create these definitions...I did get some amusement from them. Others may be insulted, I was not...more fascinated than anything. Makes me wonder what kind of person Ambrose was.

ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

ACKNOWLEDGE, v. t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.

ALONE, adj. In bad company.

AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

APOLOGIZE, v. i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

FORGIVE (this word was NOT in the dictionary, I just found that noteworthy - if the Devil had a dictionary, he would not be able to define this word)


LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed. The question, "Is life worth living?" has been much discussed; particularly by those who think it is not, many of whom have written at great length in support of their view and by careful observance of the laws of health enjoyed for long terms of years the honors of successful controversy.

"Life's not worth living, and that's the truth,"
Carelessly caroled the golden youth.
In manhood still he maintained that view
And held it more strongly the older he grew.
When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three,
"Go fetch me a surgeon at once!" cried he.
Han Soper


LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

MALE, n. A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex. The male of the human race is commonly known (to the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earh and Canada.

PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greeland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the American variety (Felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

I actually liked that last one. It made me giggle. (GIGGLE is another word not in The Devil's Dictionary)

A bit more traditional costume

....if you can ever call Breanna traditional, it would be at Halloween.
This is how she went to school today.
She was not happy about me taking a picture of her,
but I gave her the argument that as long as she dressed up for Halloween
I would be taking pictures - hence the look on her face.

Of course, I only include the next photo so that you can see the full effect:

These pictures do not do this "costume" any justice. You cant see the belts or the accessories or the boots very well. But she somehow got it all. The scary thing is that all of the garments, are either hers or mine from our everyday wardrobe. Nothing she is wearing was purchased as "costume"; it all naturally fell together in her head.

Guess the costume

Okay, so I know you are wondering..."What the... is Paige trying to be?" So I will give you another clue:

You should be saying "OHHHH....Mary...I get it."

I guess her doll really wanted to dress as Jesus for Halloween. You know how we mothers are...anything for our kids.

Fun stuff in the life of Breanna

Breanna has some fun things in her life...these are what she shared with me recently.


#1 Breanna has a friend named Zeke. Zeke had a dream.

This is Zeke (on the right):



Zeke had a very important dream one night. So important that Zeke woke up and made himself a note so that he would not forget his very important message. This is the important message Zeke did not want to forget:



Translation of Zeke's very important message: "800 nipple hands are need to start a revolution"

- For the record...I like Zeke.



#2 There is an Italian foreign exchange student attending Breanna's high school. His name is Carlo-Andrea. Everyone calls him Carlo. This is Carlo:

Ignore the flower (forgive him, he knows not what he does).

According to Breanna, Carlo does "tricks" - I however see it as Carlo just having fun.

According to Breanna this is Carlo being "cute" :


(Yes, he is speaking in Italian...the English translation is: "Dad, are you there? Can you do it? Get connected!")

...and this is Carlo being "schmexy" (again, according to Breanna) but saying the same thing.


-For the record...I like Carlo too.

Thanks to both of these young men for amusing my daughter...and in turn...ME, which is truly what is important, humoring ME, it's all about ME.

A Final Good-bye...a tribute from my heart

Timothy L. Kovas
May 12, 1958 - October 4, 2006
In loving memory

Of Tim...

I knew his eyes and they were kind
I knew his smile and it was glorious
I knew his voice, it was one of God's deepest songs
and I will miss hearing it
I knew his strength and his embrace
and they were comforting
I knew his courage and it's limitations
but accepted his humanity
I knew his laughter and it was a contagious roar
I knew his wounds, his scars, his tears and despair
and I was there when he asked me to comfort him
I knew his heart was for his children
and admired his unending devotion to them
I knew his passion for knowledge
and he shared it with me often
I knew his curiosities and imagination
and they fed his sense of humor
and I feel privileged to have been there
so often when they collided
I knew his weaknesses and his fears and insecurities
and loved him in spite of,
and because of them
I knew his love for his family and his friends
and it was tremendous
I knew that he knew me, the good and the bad
and still loved me
I knew his love for me and will cherish
every moment I had with him
I knew the man and he was Beautiful
and not time
not circumstance
not even death
will diminish his beauty...
that will always be with me

Phantom Pain

I have no idea how or in what order to put down these thoughts, I just know that they are flooding my brain and I need to get them out.

There is this phenomenon that I once read about called "phantom pain". It is a type of pain that people who have had an amputation of a leg, arm, finger, etc are suffering from. It is called "phantom" because they feel the pain coming from that part of the body which is no longer connected to them. It is a pain that I never thought I would be able to understand.

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize that though we are physical beings made up of clusters of cell and DNA and nerve endings and all of those things that can be seen and touched; there is this part of us that only WE can feel. The part of us that makes who we are that has nothing to do with our skin, hair, eyes, or internal organs. It is a part of us that makes up who we are but we had no part of creating. It is the part of us that only God completely knows. It is made up of what he created before we were born and then additions are made to it by the lives we live and the decisions we make and the people we meet. Some call it our "spirit" or "soul" and quite frankly I do not think that those terms are sufficient to describe this. Those words seem too small to decscribe that part of us which is not physical but I will use them until I can find one that I believe will better fit

I later, watched a documentary on phantom pain...I found this topic fascinating. What I remember was there was no real pattern to it. The pain ranged from severe and constant to a dull ache that was not constant but presented itself years after the loss of the limb.

I have come up with this theory that this unseen part of us has appendages, just like that which is seen. Those appendages are created by the connections we make with the people in our life. We even take them for granted, just like we assume we will always have legs and will be able to walk, we don't think about the loss of this "appendage" and the pain we will have with that loss.

I lost a very dear friend a few days ago and the next day I went to work, which was a mistake but I did not know that. What I remember most about my time at work was my friend Julie asking me what I was feeling. It was the most difficult time I have ever had trying to label a feeling. I came up with "sorrow" and "regret" but just like an amputee I was feeling a pain in a part of me that can not be seen. I wanted to say that my "heart" was hurting but physically that was not true.

My friend Tim, used to call me his appendage. It was a joke, but now I realize how appropriate that label was. We had a great friendship and a connection that I cherished and I miss him SOOO very much. This loss of my friend, this grief, I can not describe it but I would say the best description is "spiritual phantom pain" and I know that in time it will be less severe - but the wound right now is pretty fresh and it really hurts.

Jesus - the seeker

I went to a conference this past week and during one of many group trips a flip comment came out of my mouth. (Big surprise, I know) Something along the lines of "I believe that Jesus was a seeker." (You definitely had to be there.) My fellow "groupie" Angela took that thought into consideration and was intrigued by it, but the conversation went no further. Well, the thought perplexed my brain for a while and then was gone until this evening. I was at a class at church and Rob Wegner was teaching and in the notes this verse was noted:

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." - Luke 19:10 (NIV)

Then it hit me. We (the church I belong to, along with several others) take the occasional bashing for being "seeker friendly"; well YEAH...

Think of this verse from one of the top songs of ALL TIME

"I once was lost but now am found..."

We are the lost, not the seekers.

How many times do you hear from survival experts that if you are LOST to just stay put, be still so that those searching for you can find you?

I recall having been annoyed by the term "I found Jesus" and thought "What, was he lost? Was he hiding behind a tree? Was he captured? Was there a hostage situation?"

When you read Luke 19:10, shouldn't every church truly be "Seeker Friendly" after all?

Because he amuses me....

“Do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friends; be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; and grab all the fun you can. Don't give much thought to yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos. When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.”

-Dean Koontz

Miniature Earth

This puts things into perspective...

CANTON HOUSE (blatant advertising)

So, Breanna's career at McDonalds has come to an end. She turned in her hat and much hated pants on Saturday.

Her new career is at The Canton House.

What is The Canton House? Only the best Chinese restaurant on this side of town! It is conveniently located at 25590 SR 2 (aka Western Avenue), South Bend, IN 46619 and you can call for carry out at 574-232-8182

Some of you are thinking "WOW, I did not know that they were open!"

Well, great news they are, they have new owners but the egg rolls are still homemade as is everything else (which according to Breanna means they can add things to your dish if you request it)

....and the new owners are EXTREMELY CLEAN...Breanna has to test the Ph level in her cleaning water...and she even has to clean window sills! (YAY! No BUGS!) Apparently they are planning on redecorating...the old tacky wallpaper needs to go. The owners are a nice young married couple, Andrew and Carol Lee...and kinda fun from the little interaction I have had with them. Breanna says that they use a squirt gun to take care of any "behavioral problems" with their staff. (She has not yet personally experienced the Chinese water torture first hand but she is amused by it)

If you go in while Breanna is working, she claims she will buy you a round of egg rolls (group limit of 6 people - she makes just over minimum wage and works part time, so it's not like she is rolling in the dough, she is just trying to drum up business here)

SO, since the re-opening of the Canton House seems to be South Bend's best kept secret, help me to spread the word (and keep Breanna at a job she seems to like)...TAKE YOUR CLAN TO THE CANTON HOUSE!

Ohhh, and don't forget the fortune cookies!

The Bridge

Heard this song by Elton John today...

I've seen the bridge and the bridge is long
And they built it high and they built it strong
Strong enough to hold the weight of time
Long enough to leave some of us behind

[chorus:]
And every one of us has to face that day
Do you cross the bridge or do you fade away
And every one of us that ever came to play
Has to cross the bridge or fade away

Standing on the bridge looking at the waves
Seen so many jump, never seen one saved
On a distant beach your song can die
On a bitter wind, on a cruel tide

[repeat chorus]

And the bridge it shines
Oh cold hard iron
Saying come and risk it all
Or die trying

[repeat chorus]

Darn it!

I tried to post one entry at a time from my vacation from the blogosphere but it would post it UNDER anything that I create from here on out...so to heck with it...I have posted them all...scroll down...enjoy (I have said all of this in my head with a tone of anger and sarcasm)

I'm baaaack.....

So, I noticed that I am a couple of days late...the pressure is back...good thing I created a couple of posts while I was on blog-cation.

Anyway, the question of the day:

Is it a sign of insanity when you ask the kids to remind you of the lyrics of the song that two years ago drove you crazy when they would break out singing it in the car?

Oddly enough they could not come up with all the words....anyone want to work around these lyrics to complete the worlds most ignorant song:

"...instead I bought....BUBBLEGUM! Bazooka zooka bubble gum! Bazooka zooka bubble gum!"

Stupid tune in my head...just thought I'd share, and now a post from my time off:

Fog

September 15, 2006

It has been foggy here in the mornings lately. I must say that the team in charge of landscaping our campus must have had fog in mind when they designed it. I would include pictures but they would not do it justice, so I will just borrow this one from Mark Waltz. I feel grateful that when I arrive at work and enter through the back entrance that there is such beautiful scenery to provide a moment of serenity and then God just adds that little special finishing touch by creating fog...it blocks out the empty space and lets you truly see the definition of certain objects, and plants, it forces you to focus on the bigger stuff and look at what is directly in front of you.

Dog's intuition

September 14, 2006

I just wanted someplace to make note of this.

Most people know about our dog Pity. I refer to her as the Dingo. She looks like one and at one time she was one step away from being a wild dog. Anyway, she is not known for being a social creature. Her favorite place to be is under our bed, unless there is a storm brewing then she prefers to be under someone's legs. She greets us when we come home and when she comes in from playing in the yard and she likes to take walks but other than that...under the bed is where she spends her time. So yesterday when I got home, I found it very weird that she would not leave me alone. She did not want outside...she clung to me like velcro...like a well trained dog that was told to heel. She usually stays out of the kitchen but she stuck with me into there. She even stuck to my right leg perfectly as I walked in circles around the living room. She gave up when I went down the basement steps but she stood at the top and watched me and resumed her post when I came back up. I was in the bathroom sorting some laundry and she came in and stood behind me with her head under my arm.... Breanna had to shoo her outside so that I could use the facilities. It was freaky. She did not seem scared as she does when there is a storm coming. She seemed happy, tail wagging and all.

I guess what freaks me out is that I believe animals are very intuitive and can sense things that we can not. I have noticed over the years that whenever I am sick my animals are always on me, the cats and dogs (for Scarlet the doberman it is normal) are usually on top of me or at my feet during any minor illness - I guess they know that I don't feel well and want to comfort me. So when Pity is sticking to me like glue it makes me wonder if there is something going on that she knows about but I don't. It kept me awake last night...worrying that I would not wake up.

I know it's irrational but I just wanted to put it out there...just in case.

quite a week

August 27, 2006

School went back into session for Paige on the 15th and Breanna returned on the 16th. Imagine trying to get 3 females ready in the morning with only one bathroom. All 3 of which have new haircuts they are trying to adjust to. Good times. We have it down pretty well though. I get Paige up and into the shower from 5:45 - 6:00am, I follow directly after, Breanna is a chicken and takes her shower the night before. Unfortunately, we all seem to need to use the mirrors all at the same time and though we have a 48" vanity mirror, it still is not enough room. It got pretty bad one day and I was forced to create a minute by minute schedule for Paige so the she could better understand why I was constantly telling her the time and rushing her. The 10 year old brain sometimes can not comprehend the idea of keeping a schedule until such things are spelled out for them in exact detail. So, since that has been done, things are going more smoothly. But let me take you back in time to the first day of school for Breanna.

Everyone was up and showered and shining and ready to go. Paige was loaded onto the bus at 7:05 which gave Breanna and I a few extra minutes to repolish anything that needed it. So at 7:15 we hop into the truck and turn the key. The radio and air conditioning come on but the engine does not. The ignition feels weird. I can put the car in gear. I can take the key out and all of these things still work. I can not turn them off. My first thought is...SH*T! we can NOT afford an auto repair bill right now.

So, I call my husband who is at work and really can not do much of anything but I just need him to be a part of my misery. Then I call Dad who comes over and takes Breanna to school for me, and then lets me borrow my mother's car to get to work. My parents have agreed to let me borrow the car until the weekend (it was Wednesday).
Dave comes home and decides to check things out and also decides that he is going to fix it himself. Now in the history of our marriage Dave has not ever taken on such a challenge. He always took our vehicles to Lloyd, the mechanic. Even for tune ups. So, though I must admit I did not have the most confidence, I did have a lot of admiration for the fact that he was so determined and was willing to cheer him on and support him. He figured out WHERE the problem was early on, the ACTUATOR ROD was malfunctioning in some way. So Thursday or Friday he called the dealers and located a part. We drove to pick it up and they could not find it even though they said it was in stock. However they did give us a printout/drawing of the steering column taken apart which showed each individual piece. Dave had already purchased a Haynes manual which did not have any information on how do take it apart, and a trip to Pep Boys to get a Chilton manual proved to be wasted when it did not show anything either...however we did not have to pay the 40 bucks for the manual since Pep Boys was kind enough to let me disect it before purchasing.

Finally, 5 days in Dave has the steering column, and dash completely disassembled and the problem with the actuator rod is the fact that the roll pin holding the two pieces together has fallen out...nothing broken. Now, dear reader, do not get too excited for us. Yes there were no parts to be purchased but this is where the true fun begins. I know, it sounds simple...just put the pin back in. Imagine this scenario:

You have two Jenga towers side by side and the goal is to put a block back into the center of the tower on the right. Easy enough, except the rules are that you have to go through the tower on the left and have equal parts of the block in both towers. Still easy enough but you have to go through meshwork of steel that is placed next to the tower on the left AND you can only see what you are doing from ABOVE. Not to mention there has not been a tool created for such a task so you have to improvise with things such as screw drivers, tweezers, duct tape, a needle threader, magnets, and in desperation even a bread tie was discussed. Oh and you have to do this with failing light. SO you have to find a friend to hold a flashlight for you.

To make a long story short, after 8 days...and a combined effort we got it. I am the flashlight queen. Dave is my newest favorite mechanic. My hero. I highly recommend auto repair as a bonding experience for all married couples. Heck, it became a neighborhood bonding experience. I would like to thank Steve our next door neighbor who came and informed us that the weather was turning pretty bad and we should probably call it a night in case the storm started to turn our way. I also want to thank Dean across the street who felt pity for me and brought over one of those clip on lights and a 75 foot extension cord which got us through our final night.

Thanks to mom and dad for loaning us their car for 8 days even though that is the car my Mom prefers to drive. Much love to you both.

Finally thanks to God for staying with us because I am certain had it not been for the constant prayers for assistance in patience and persistance that we would have thrown some tools through the windshield around day 6.

little things

August 17th 2006 8:30 pm

Dawn: "Paige, time to start getting ready for bed, go brush your teeth.

Paige: no words spoken, is laying on the floor at the end of my bed and raises her hand that is holding up a spoonful of peanut butter (apparently her choice of a pre-bedtime snack)

Dawn: "Hurry up."

Paige: "You cant rush peanut butter"

Dawn: thinking only...ahhhh words of truth. Life is like peanut butter.
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...the party you are trying to reach is currently unavailable

Ladies and gentleman of the blogosphere. I request that you forgive my lack of blogging. I am going to take some time off from posting any blogs until...September. I am giving myself permission to recuperate from a hectic schedule and then spend some downtime with my kids and the best man on the planet...my husband David. (shhh Dad, really you are but this is my marriage we are talking about)

All jokes aside, I like blogging but sometimes I feel pressure to post and then I post stupid stuff...so I give me permission to take time off until say...September 16th. That will be my official next post date. I may create some blog posts before them but expect no posting until September 16th.

Be sure to miss me...and if you do...hey, the telephone was invented first and it still exists and works quite well...call me...but I do screen my calls so leave a message if you get the machine.

The Toppel Wedding

I know many of you have been waiting to see photos from the wedding this past weekend... these were taken on the fly with my Mom's digital camera...thanks Mom. I am no photographer, I hope to get some copies from Bob Buchanan (the man with the cam) that are clearer than these; until then this is what I have...enjoy:

How to Scare the Crap Out of Your Teenager:

Step One: Ask teenage daughter if she will watch her sister while you are at work the next day.

Step Two: Confirm with younger child that they want their sister to supervise them the following day.

Step Three: Have your spouse catch your teenager still awake and talking on the phone at 5:30 a.m.

Step Four: Decide with spouse that you will take younger child to daycare instead of leaving them home with sleep deprived teenager.

Step Five: Get ready for work, get younger child up (explain why, she can not sleep in today) and dropped off at daycare.

Step Six: Call teenager around 12:45 p.m. to see if the packages you had been expecting have been delivered and (while she is hauling the large heavy packages off the front porch) inquire about how her sister is doing.

Step Seven: Try not to laugh while teenager, having not seen said child will/might/could respond with "I don't know, she is not up yet" to which you respond "Okay, well thanks for bringing my packages in, I will see you later this afternoon", say farewell, and hang up.

Step Eight: Wait - Precisely one hour and four minutes

Step Nine: Answer your ringing cell phone to the cries of your panicked teenager who can not find the sibling they have been looking all over for during the past fifteen minutes and bask in the glory of what is either a lesson learned or a great prank on your smart aleck teenager...

Step Ten: ...either way, prepare for retaliation.

The Talk

I learned about sex and reproduction from my mom. It was the summer between 4th and 5th grades. I remember it vividly. I remember her drawing a picture and showing where a baby’s head is in the womb during each trimester of pregnancy. I remember going back to school in the fall and being very grateful that my mom gave me that talk because all the kids were talking about sex…and now I understood what they were talking about.


So, when Breanna was between 4th and 5th grades, I gave her “the talk”. Luckily I had an anatomy book handy that had drawings and explained reproduction scientifically. Breanna learns well by reading on her own sometimes, so after our DEEP discussion – and it was – I left the book with her and told her she could read it if she liked and to come to me with any questions. She did. She had lots. She still comes to me with questions. I like that. I have this agreement with her that she can ask me ANY question and I will answer it (however, there are some that I have to answer that I am not ready to discuss that with her yet but I will in time). She continues to ask questions. I feel pretty lucky to have the relationship that I do with my 15 year old daughter. She tells me more than I expect. I am certain there are things she does leave out, and she is allowed that. I understand that I don’t get to know EVERYTHING. I simply appreciate what I get.




Paige, is a very different child than Breanna was and is. This is the summer between 4th and 5th grade for her. I knew it was time to have “the talk” because she had asked some questions before and she had made some comments that let me know that she knows a lot already and that I need to fill in the blanks with correct information before someone else fills them in with bad information. I had not set a date but she moved me forward; one day at the library she was choosing books and in between choosing a book about furry animals and another one about childhood games I stroll up alongside her as she is putting another book back on the shelf. She seemed embarrassed so I took a peak at what it was and I pulled it out. The title was “Lets Talk About S-E-X”. I flipped through it and looked at her (still blushing) little face and said, “Ya know, I have been meaning to talk to you about this. If you want to check this book out we can read it together.”

So, we’ve had this book for a couple of weeks and I asked her if she had read any of it and she said “some, it is like a really smart kid explaining it instead of an embarrassed adult” which I thought was a good thing. So I asked her yesterday if she had read anymore and she said she had not but asked if we could read it together later that day. I said we could. My thoughts were:

Am I ready to let my little girl go?
Will she become different when she knows?
Will she feel shame or embarrassment?
Will I explain it in a way she will understand?
What will she do with this knowledge?

Then today I was thinking about Adam and Eve. (Eve was brought up in my discussion with Paige, something about why does it hurt to give birth – it ended with Paige shaking her head and saying “darn you Eve”) I realized that if my children had learned about sex and reproduction when I was less than prepared to give them that knowledge…I would have been pretty upset. Imagine all the things that Adam and Eve learned when they ate of that fruit. They learned EVERYTHING before they were meant to. EVERYTHING. They took from God what he would have willing given them in time with proper teaching. They were not ready to receive that knowledge and became ashamed. How sad for God. He knew that their relationship would forever be changed.

So yesterday afternoon Paige and I snuggle together and I begin reading her a book that goes into great detail (with drawings and everything) about boys and their sexual organs, and girls and their sexual organs, and reproduction, and menstruation, and childbirth, and sexual intercourse – the good and the bad, masturbation (wasn’t expecting that one!), STDs, birth control…ALL OF IT. The book was sprinkled with questions and she would read aloud the question while I would read aloud the answer. More than once she would ask a question as I was flipping a page and on the next page was that same question…it was funny. There came times – many of them – when I had to refer to my handy dandy anatomy book to further show her some things. There were times when I had to explain that though the book was correct that our family values were somewhat different and there were some decisions that she needed to make way in advance before she was faced with certain situations.

Our discussion and reading were interrupted by dinner and then continued directly after and went until her bedtime. She was great. She shared some things with me that surprised me, at first and then I was thankful for it because it meant SHE IS NOT ASHAMED OR EMBARASSED. That was when I felt good about our discussion. We ended with the “Puberty Puzzle” they had in the back of the book – more a quiz/review and she was able to answer all of the questions. It was a great way to end. I feel comfortable with her having this knowledge and I believe that if she has questions she will come to me.

Sometimes I feel like I over inform my children.
More often I find that particular fear has no real basis.
There are things they need to know, the question for us as parents is really “WHEN do they need to know them?”
Knowledge changes people. Good or bad, it changes people – sometimes a little, sometimes more.
As a parent you have to be willing to be the catalyst for that change and accept the person that comes out on the other side of it