I gave up Facebook and Twitter for Lent and all I got was: Perspective

I realized that all of the "friends" I have on Facebook are not people who I mingle with daily and know very little about. We have never shared a meal, a cup of coffee, or even phone numbers and yet, I was peering into their lives in an almost voyeuristic fashion. However, the flip side of this could be Narcissism. On both sides of the coin actually.

I also wonder if people even pay attention to the "status" on my "wall" because according to my email alerts...which I neglected to cancel...a couple of people have posted something on my wall...to those people - sorry, I wont respond until Easter.

Oh, and PHOOEY ON YOU if you posted on my wall thinking I might have forgotten to cancel my email alerts and are trying to tempt me into checking. Well, let me tell you this people. I QUIT SMOKING six years ago...not checking Facebook is a CAKEWALK.

So, with this particular perspective, if I do continue my facebook membership, I may be culling the list of "friends" - I realize the crazy making of facebook was due to the fact that my home page was littered with the CONSTANT status updates of close to 200 people...some of whom update every 30 minutes...and I felt obligated to READ ALL OF THEM.

In the words of Susan Powter: "Stop the insanity!"

Open to suggestion

I miss blogging.

I need a topic.

Any suggestions?

This was said about me on Facebook:

"Cant stand "church going ", hypocritical people who judge those before they know them!! Remember god does not judge so neither should you!!!"

Why does this bother me?
I think it is because, I feel like I make Christ followers look bad to this person...and in turn to all this person's friends on Facebook.
Which in turn, is a poor reflection on Christ. (and He obviously had nothing to do with THIS!)

I know this person is lashing out at me, but it made me evaluate my action or statement that caused this person's reaction. First, it had nothing to do with the person who made the comment, this person's outrage is on behalf of someone else and is part of a long line of miscommunication that I went to the source that same day and sorted out. Second, no, we as human beings are not to judge someones heart or character. That is the job of God alone. However, as human beings we are allowed to judge behaviors and to have opinions. Without that, there would be pedophiles, rapist, murders, and thieves running about willy nilly as well as generation upon generation of unruly and undisciplined children.

On top of that, "the best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior"

And so in the wake of a very trying couple of weeks I find this just exhausting.

People are having a hard time accepting that I am a Christ follower.
Maybe they CAN accept that but seem to think that now that I follow Christ that I am no longer supposed to act like a human being.

I am not perfect.
I still cuss (GASP!)
I still have fears
I still drink (FOR SHAME!)
...I did quit smoking...but that was for purely selfish reasons...like wanting to live longer.

I am sure there are a plethora of things that I still do that are not Christ-like...

...but I am not Christ.

I am human...and as such, throughout my day I find myself turning to God in a constantly ongoing conversation where I ask his opinion and ...don't hear an answer right away...or ask forgiveness (and receive it) for a comment or even a thought that was just inappropriate, or an action that I should not have done, or for hesitating when He presents me an opportunity to further His kingdom and it turns into an opportunity lost. However, this relationship I have with Him, also fuels me to get over myself and do what I can when I feel it is what He wants me to do. Learning to tell the difference between what He wants and what I think He wants...that can be a challenge but it takes an investment of time to learn the intricate and quiet language that he uses to reach each of us in our own unique ways. I am investing in that. For the record, I feel that even after 5 or 6 years now, I am still in freshman classes....first semester.

My love for Him, and His for me has opened up this line of constant communication that I cannot imagine my life without. It has brought about me a sense of peace that is almost always present but there is still a part of me that gets riled up when I begin to feel persecuted...such as the comment made above. It usually happens when my past collides with my present. There is a lot more history behind that comment than the comment alone. I have to remember that.

The God sighting in all of this was a comment made back to that person on Facebook:

"God does judge, but he and he alone has that responsibility.I love the Lord, and so I love people too.God said " love thy neighbor as you love yourself". I hope this helps you.... I don't know what you are dealing with , but know that you don't have to worry about what people think about you, but what God knows about you."

The door to forgiving

In this journey to end my relationship with FEAR and ANGER there has been a huge discovery. First let me say that I am not on this journey alone, I have a counselor, having an objective perspective from someone who does not know all the people involved in my past hurts is very helpful. Not to mention a husband who loves me, that may not understand all of this but is okay with my travel plans.

My first milestone was the realization that I am human and having feelings and addressing them is OKAY. (I tell people this all the time...but did not realize I was not applying it to myself) If you ignore or suppress or try to control your feelings it really creates a bottleneck and eventually those feelings will find a way to be dealt with. I had heard this before, but did not really HEAR it, if you know what I mean.

So my latest discovery is that my Fear and Anger were unaddressed and misplaced. I had earlier realized some of what I was afraid of and what I was angry about BUT the WHO behind the WHAT was misdirected. After my last blog post I had so much emotion rolling around inside of me that I ended up leaving an important meeting because I was making myself SICK trying to not cry...so I left (discreetly) and went and typed a 5 page "This is what is p!$$!ng me off" paper. I even used the F-word in it once and did not edit it out. It was very cathartic but afterwards I felt like a lunatic. It did not solve the problem. I wanted so very badly to send it to the people that I had been typing about but all that would do is cause them unneccessary pain, or anger and me guilt for causing it. So I emailed it to the guide on my journey and to a trusted friend who has been through the process and knows my story so as to get some perspective. My guide sat down with me the next day and noticed a pattern in my writing...I did not want to BLAME the people who hurt me for my hurt or for the dysfunction they created. I did not understand the ripple affect that not BLAMING them had created within my own household. My wise counselor pointed out that if I am not appropriately placing BLAME for these things then I am likely taking on the responsiblity for everything myself.

Yep, that sounds about right. I was raised to take responsibility for myself and not to be a tattle tale. Pouring my guts out to a counselor feels a lot like shirking responsibility and tattling. It is REALLY uncomfortable. The whole process is exhausting. Sometimes the need for change is very strong, but you cannot open the door for change if you are sitting comfortably on the couch of your own misery. So, I made the decision to get my lazy arse up off the couch and open the door.

I was still afraid, I thought that placing BLAME on those who hurt me would make me even angrier at them. My anger toward these people was never really obvious to them, or anyone really, it was just a heavy emotion inside my heart that I let build and build over time. Outwardly, no one knew...even I did not really KNOW...I just felt a shift in the tectonic plates of the relationship...so slight and so slow that if it had been an earthquake, it would not have registered on the Richter Scale and would have been dismissed as a vehicle passing by or a strong wind.

My desire for Change was stronger than my Fear. I opened the door, I made it happen. I let myself place BLAME for the hurt. Yes...I was angry. Even though there were years of anger there that I thought would just flood over me and I would possibly wallow or drown in it...God was right there with me. He did not stop the flood, but He held me up and when I thought I could not breathe He handed me an oxgen tank. When you have that kind of support...standing in the middle of a tidal wave is not quite as scary.

Once the wave passed and I could see what was on the other side of the door, I was amazed. Funny how, I did not realize that by not opening that door, I was barricading myself from all the paths and doorways on the other side of it. I did not realize that by not blaming I was blocking the way to FORGIVING.

The logical part of me knew that my hurt was not my fault. I took on the responsibility for my feelings but in my core I knew it was not mine to take and so why would I need to forgive myself for something I did not do. Even if it is appropriate to BLAME oneself for something I think it is harder to FORGIVE ourselves than it is for us to FORGIVE others. It is hundreds of times harder when it is misplaced BLAME. Forgiveness may not be on the other side of that door...it is in the wrong place. Is it possible that you have to keep walking through poorly placed doors until you find the right one. I think so. Is it worth it?

I found the right door quickly, maybe not everyone does, but I feel the payoff of FORGIVING and I think so.

My journey is not over, but I think I am going to hang out on this path for a little while.

Near to You

Have you ever broken up with someone and felt the pain and grief of that loss?

Have you ever considered that you can have a committed relationship to unhealthy feelings and thoughts?

Well, I hadn't...until recently. I won't give my emotions a fun name like "Mr. I.M. Steamy" so I am simply going to call them what they are: Fear and Anger. So, i guess I was double dipping, playing the field. Couldn't commit to either of them...that should have been a sign that BOTH of them had to go. At times Fear and Anger are healthy and appropriate, but I apparently am having a secret affair with them, and it is an unhealthy affair.

Today, I broke up with them.

On my way to work. I gave them up to God, and cried like crazy while driving. I expect that like most unhealthy relationships, I will attempt to revisit Fear and Anger...they have been a part of me for so long that it is gonna take some time to move on, but I am going to have to continue to refocus on God and trust that He will steer me in the right direction.

Music has always been a way for me to connect with God, and this song was first to play on the CD that I had in the van...and WOW did it really connect. So, this is the song that I played and sang over and over all the way to work and I was singing it to God. My words to Him, played out in a song by A Fine Frenzy, it is called Near to You. This particular video really shows how my Fear and Anger divides, discolors, and distorts my Focus away from what really matters.



Odds are that I will have to go through this process more than once, like a bad habit. At least now I am aware of it.

I know that I am better near to Him. It's a start.

Breanna Droppings or The Perils of Sharing a Work Place With Your Child

Some of you may know that my oldest child, Breanna is now on staff at Granger Community Church. She is on the Facility Care team and is typically in the building long after I have left. The following photos are what I have lovingly termed "Breanna Droppings"


On the center of my desk there was this post it note:

Then there were these other sticky notes:
(my monitor has a face now)




The people in my artwork now have a voice... "Oooh" "Ahhh" "What pretty colors"

Yoda is apparently going mad with the power of The Force and "Livin' la Vida YODA!"




Then, my favorite...hidden on my pen tablet...a little love from the offspring.

So fun to find these.

I love them!

Clouded judgement

In a conversation regarding a conversation regarding a conversation, a wise counselor (person 1) spoke about how she pointed out that the person she was speaking to (person 2) did not hear or acknowledge the other persons (person 3) pain in a conversation that she (person 2) had with that person (person 3). It was a profound moment for me.

That person (person 2) had just shared the same conversation with me and I had agreed with her perspective…I did not feed it, but I felt that she had done a good job in handling the situation. I forgot that there were TWO people involved. TWO people that I cared about. TWO people that God loves and I was not thinking of that other person’s (person 3) pain either because I had not been in proximity to their pain.

I have been trying very hard to be neutral and available to both of these people because they are both my friend, but when it came down to it, because person 2 had been sharing more of her pain and struggle with me than person 3 (who has not contacted me in sometime other than to forward a silly text) my judgment had become clouded and I forgot how much he matters and rather than providing her (person 2) with a suggestion that would soften her heart and even segue toward forgiveness, I gave her kudos for recognizing her boundary issues.

Imagine my palm slapping my forehead.

Just a word on tatoos

I have tatoos. I like tatoos in general, but I hate my own. They are poorly done and one is a place that I regret because I can ALWAYS see it. That being said, young people - if you are going to get a tatoo, choose wisely the design, the artist, and the location.

The design should be timeless, one that you wont regret when you are old.

The location should be a) something that won't sag or wrinkle with age and ruin the design when you get old and b) something you can cover if say...you simply think it would be appropriate to cover it (like your wedding day or a job interview)

The artist should be talented and experienced...both of which they should be able to provide proof of.

How did I come up with these three "rules"? See below.

Poorly done, bad location, lame design, amateur artist.

I will spare you the one that I have where a word (not a name) is spelled incorrectly.

I however have one rule that I wish EVERYONE ON THE PLANET would abide by. NEVER ...did I say it loud enough NEVER EVER, have a name of your significant other tatooed onto your body. Stuff happens, and someday they may no longer be significant.

Point in case, I was driving to work and a morning show was featuring a female comedian who shared a story of her friend who received a TEXT from her husband stating he wants a divorce. Long story short, for their 3rd anniversary she had his name tatooed on her, um, "hoo ha." (And apparently it is not a common first name) Can we say REGRET boys and girls?

I love my husband. I have his last name on my drivers license. I think that's enough.

Running Update...

Well dear readers, bad news... I am not running.  But wait, it is not because I lack the willpower or ambition.  It is because I am an idiot!

You see, I know that I have joint issues but I attempted to defy all of my impairments.  So, during my second week of jogging when I increased my jogging sprints from 60 to 90 seconds - my knees were less than pleased.  I did decide on week three to take it back to 60 seconds but the damage was done and so I gave myself 2 weeks to heal before I took it up with my doctor and now...well, simply walking or even sitting with my knees attached to my body causes sporadic pain.  So, I quit.  Yep, I am a quitter.  

That being said, I discussed it briefly with my orthopedic surgeon who basically looked at me and said "Some of us just can't jog."    That is his professional advice.  So, because I still want to do something I am pondering an elliptical.  

My budget is very limited right now.  I have exactly $0 to spend on one.  If anyone is giving away an elliptical... will it fit in my minivan?

Dogs can write? (long post warning)

I am going to take a risk here. I admit that I just read a book (in under an hour) that was "written" by a dog. Not only is it a dog, but a deceased dog. However, because it happens to be the deceased dog of one of my favorite authors - I read it. Some of you are thinking this is immature and some of you might take my suggestion to read the book and think that IT is immature...your opinion. I am okay with that. On occasion I can be immature. I know this about me. "it is what it is" and you would find that quote even funnier if you read this book. So here it is:


So, all of that to say...READ this book. BUY this book. All the proceeds go to Canine Companions for Independence.

One thing I love about this book is the fact that it included some text from a book actually written by Dean Koontz that I found very cool and I will share that here...but this reflects Dean Koontz and is from his book Odd Hours but I digress - here is the excerpt from Odd Hours reprinted in this book:

"Grief can destroy you - or focus you

You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone.

Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.

But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. Instead, it was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it.

The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time; you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss.

And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."

I want that read aloud at my funeral (in the distant future) and handed to everyone on a laminated card as they leave the service.

(seriously)

Running update

Long story short...I am still going. I have had to change the plan to meet my specific limitations BUT I am still going. I have never felt so OUT OF SHAPE as I do when I run. But that is the point...get back - or finally - into shape.

Bad days.

So, I have not had a seriously bad day in a really long time. I actually forgot what it was like to have one of those days when one thing happens and another thing follows and another little bad thing and then just something that you expected but hate happens on top of it. Well yesterday was that day. Details will not really be following. We all have those days in our life but I am writing because really, I have been blessed and it has been a while.

Every few minutes when I am dealing with the details of say...the auto accident Breanna had yesterday...I am reminded of the bad day and I have to say...God...just get me through this. Just get me through this one moment. I feel like I am saying it alot today. Every once in awhile I think my life really SUCKS but then you know what...it doesn't. I am just emotionally at a place where I am a bit on edge so it amplifies everything I experience. I just have to keep talking to God. I know he won't give me more than I can handle.

I will say that in the midst of it all, it was great being able to spend 90 minutes with a group of ladies that I love, who let me share and made me laugh. We need to have those friends who will lift you up when you feel down. God never intended for us to go through life alone.

This bird

Is real. I know! It looks fake!

It is not a small little bird like you might think. He (she?) is about the size of a small cat.
His feathers are actually quite beautiful.
Not sure what type of bird it is... a crow? blackbird? raven? I am no bird aficionado.
But the huge story about this bird is that...
It is dead.

This little fellow landed on the flower box outside of my parents home....and promptly froze to death in this position.

Facing their house.

They now have a new lawn ornament

Winter gift

We complain and grumble and drag ourselves into the chaos of winter.
Temperatures 15 degrees below zero
...and then there is the windchill factor but don't go there.
Streets so cold and frozen that the salt won't melt the ice and
double trailer semi trucks cant move forward once they come to a stop.
Cars wont start because the cold drains the batteries.
A wall of snow so high that you can't see the buildings on the other side.
Layers of clothes that threaten to suffocate you
but are necessary to stay warm and even for some...to live.

Eventually the sun will come out.

When you stop and look around at the white wondrous landscape, when you look at it and realize that a snowflake is faceted in such a way that is sparkles as much as the most brilliant diamond, you realize that it too is a gift from God.

He is quite the artist. Like every great masterpiece, you don't notice it's brilliance until you take a moment to take it in.

MY LUNGS ARE ON FIRE!

What am I thinking!

A running plan! Am I insane! I am SOOOOO not a runner.

Last year during what I call "marathon season" I was envious and impressed by all of the people I knew that ran or walked or participated in a marathon. One of them even videotaped it!

I believe her video inspired me even. So I Googled a plan. From Couch Potato to 5k. Told someone that "Next year I want to run a 5k!" and ......carried the plan around for weeks in my tote. Woo Hoo! Way to go! Yay ME!

So over the weekend, I cleaned off my treadmill. (I have 5 bankers boxes stacked to prove it!) and proceeded to admire my handiwork. Can I clean off a treadmill or WHAT! YEE HA!

Monday, I worked 12 hours...I forgive me.

Today. I came home. Did the Snoopy Dance of Joy because my Netflix video came in and went in my room fully prepared to veg. But THEN...it came over me. The THOUGHTS.

The treadmill is clean.
No one is home.
Its only 3:30
Your comfy clothes are clean.
You OWN tennis shoes.
Wear the socks you wore yesterday...you're just gonna sweat in 'em anyway.
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE
YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE THAT ABSOLUTELY MUST BE DONE
You know the plan
Well, you know you can Google the plan
Just Do It

So I did it. I DID IT! Workout #1 for a 5k running plan. I DID IT! YAY ME

My legs feel like what I imagine it would be like if I were walking around as a Jell-O cup (sans the plastic cup) rather than a human being. Thank you God for structure!

Seriously. WHAT am I thinking. Can I REALLY do this? Is this simply ONE MORE exercise plan that I will start and not finish because it is for me and not benefiting everyone or ANYONE else?

I feel great! My lungs are on fire, I am shaking all over, and I am wobbly as all get out, but I did it. I feel good about having done it. It was only 20 minutes...well 22 because I insisted on not stopping on a partial mile, but still. A blurp in time. No big.

Please God let me continue this. (As if YOU wouldn't let me do THIS.) Okay, better prayer...God please help me allow myself to keep doing this. Help me stay out of my way.

Priceless

I knew a girl

who was a pawn in the game of chess between her divorced parents

who defined herself by the labels that others apply

who saught solace in physical pain because emotional pain hurts too much

who cried alone because she believes tears are a sign of weakness

who was afraid of being a girl because she thinks that they are not strong

who was happy when her parents divorced because she thought the fighting would stop

who is confused because the people who are supposed to love and accept her unconditionally simply don't seem to know what acceptance and unconditional mean.

who defines her sexuality out of fear but is afraid to admit that.

who seeks attention

who loves her little brothers and keeps herself a slave to her fathers tyranny
so that she can continue to be a part of their life.

who has no idea of the power she possess to control her own life

who wants out of the circle of chaos but feels trapped inside of it

who does not realize that this chaos is temporary

who is seeking a life in Christ but all of THIS keeps flying at her

I know a young woman who does not realize that she is no longer a little girl and that her life and future are hers to determine.

I know a young woman

who is smart

who is beautiful

who is strong

who loves

who is loved

who matters

who wants to be happy

Who matters to God and I hope that some day she realizes that her value and worth come from Him and that He decided that she was worth the cost of His son.

I know a young woman who is priceless

Help Paige help her school

I hate school fundraisers. Yep, I said it...well, typed it.

Why do I hate them?
Probably because I hate being put in a sales position and they make me feel like I am trying to be a salesman. That being said, I think this one is kinda cool. I can give you this link:

http://store.gafundraising.com/Store.aspx?ur=9

....and you can go to the store and order a magazine subscription ( there are over 750 titles to choose from) or RENEW AN EXISTING ONE and Paige and her school recieve credit. How cool and easy is that?

No money is collected by me or my kid. Customers will be billed by mail.

Looks like the deadline is November 14th. Remember, for those of us who like magazines...they make good Christmas gifts!

Paige attends LaSalle Academy in South Bend. Trust me, South Bend schools need these fundraisers "for a variety of educational needs"

(and posting this did not make me feel like I was trying to sell you anything... even if in fact I am)

2008 Adopt A GCC Family

I know people get sick of me talking about the Adopt a Family program we have at our church, but I cannot help being excited about it.

Just a few days ago I asked our communications team to post the serving opportunity to Host a family on our volunteer page and already, I have local organizations inquiring and signing up. How cool is that?

A God sighting for me today happened when a great lady sent me an email sharing that she is encouraging other people she knows to host a family and she wanted to know if there were any "singles" that were in need. Here is my response to her"

"Thank you so much for being an advocate for the program! I do not know if you noticed a change on the sign up form for hosts that asks if you would be willing to adopt a “grandparent” - I simply have people in need of all family status and as a matter of fact I have one woman who - though she is a grandparent - is not really elderly but her health issues keep her from working and she tries really hard. She asked if she would be able to apply to the program…of course I let her…God seems to take care of everyone who has applied to this program in the past, so why not her? That being said, I feel like your offer to help with any singles is a specific answer to her need. I gave her an application today and you contact me today…coincidence? I think not."

The heart of Jane

I love my job.

We meet on Wednesdays as a team and part of that is sharing stories where we have seen God. I want to share this but I know I wont be able to without blubbering so I will share it here.

I received a voicemail that was 4 minutes and 50 seconds long from a lady (I will call her Jane) seeking financial assistance to pay a utility bill. The hard part of my job is that quite often I have to tell people "No" and try to redirect them to other community resources. With a database that shows 50,000 people in the community call this church theirs, you can imagine how many requests we receive for assistance.

So I took a deep breath and dialed the phone. This call surprised me. After I told her that we could not help her and discussed her options her words to me showed that she is listening and taking in what she hears at the services. Jane stated that she understood that her free will put her in this position and she is owning that.

Jane is a recovering alcoholic who just celebrated a year being sober. Her ex husband is an alcoholic and is dying from liver disease. She is living with friends because she cannot afford to have her utilities turned on and her son has to stay with his Dad during this time because of it. it is a very emotionally difficult situation for them all.

She shared that this church is the first one that her autistic son actually enjoys and can pay attention to. His love of this church brought her to Christ. She has been attending for about 6 months.

She then started to tell me a story. One of a new friend (they just met a couple months ago) that she brought to our church who enjoyed the services because it reminded her of her own church. Their friendship progressed at mach speed and apparently this friend endures dialysis daily and needs a kidney transplant. The friend recently gave Jane her Bible and told her a bunch of scriptures that she needed to pay attention to. She recently started mentioning to Jane that she is looking forward to seeing the Kingdom of God. This is the part of the story where Jane began to cry.

Jane was flabbergasted because recently she made the decision to go and be tested to see if she were a match to be able to give her friend a kidney. She mentioned that a year ago she would not have even considered doing something like that. The friend somehow put her off. She is now in a coma. She is currently being kept alive with the help of machinery. Jane realized that the friend knew and the doctors confirmed that this late in the game the odds of her body accepting a transplanted kidney were slim, but the one thing that Jane is taking away from the experience is how much her friend was looking forward to being with God. That she is not afraid to die. I am taking away how much God is working in the heart of Jane.

Who I am

Who am I?

Many years ago in a college writing class my assignment was to write an essay about who I am. I was a genius of course and wrote all kinds of questions and answers about how at such a young age of only 22 years I could hardly write about who I am when I have not lived long enough to fully understand who I am and contemplated that I will never really know the answer until the day that I take my last breath.

I got an A+ on that paper. Can you believe we were not even required to TYPE it! Oh how times have changed.

So, 16 years later…I still believe I was right, maybe now a little less pompous

To answer that question now…again, oh have times (and I) changed:

I believe that I am a middle class, thirty something white female born into a family with hardworking parents hoping as most parents do that their children will succeed on a higher level than their own. Have I succeeded to the extent that my parents had dreamed? Probably not monetarily, but I do not measure my value or success in that way. Not any longer.

I measure myself against the families next door, across the street, in the poorer and richer neighborhoods as well as royalty, celebrities, superstars, rock stars, doctors, lawyers, janitors, waitresses, strippers, drug dealers, murderers, pedophiles, prostitutes, drug addicts, and homeless. I measure myself against them and find myself their equal.

No better.

No worse.

I measure my value by the love given to me. Not the love from my husband, parents, children or friends, though it is love that I cherish and am thankful for, but rather from believing in God and more importantly the relationship I have with Him because "belief" is not enough. He loves me. He loves all of us, including and not limited to those that I earlier stated that I measure myself against. I follow Christ and though I sometimes stumble, trip or even fall in His footsteps, I will continue to pick myself up, ask for forgiveness, dust myself off and keep following that narrow path. Because of the relationship that He and I have, I know that no matter what I do, He loves me and His love is not increased or diminished by my own actions.

That love, it is the only measure of a man that I need consider. It is there for me and for you, no matter who you are. We are equal.