Just Venting...or something like it

I drank the Kool-Aid

2010-04-28T21:31:00.001-05:00

and moved my blog to WordPress. I feel so grown up! Sort of like when I gave up MySpace and switched to Facebook entirely. That is where all the MATURE people blog. Right? Maybe not.

You can now visit me at www.dawnlovitt.wordpress.com

I had another dream

2010-04-27T05:27:00.004-05:00

I had a dream and it was...scary.

In my dream I was H.O.T. - as I am in all my dreams, but I digress. That was not the scary part. In my dream it was just another Manic Monday (whooa ohhh... Monday is group night at GCC you know) and I was sitting at my desk at the church and my Director extraordinaire came in and told/asked me to prepare a curriculum for a new class that I would be teaching THAT NIGHT. Yes, that was the scary part boys and girls. I WOULD BE TEACHING!

The subject: Death.

"Finding hope in death" to be exact.

Like a good soldier, I did not blink an eye at the thought of researching and coming up with material for a class that would begin in less than 8 hours. My dream self felt VERY confident about being able to provide material for this class. What my dream self was NOT prepared for was.....drumroll please.... PRESENTING THE MATERIAL TO A ROOM FULL OF MIDDLESCHOOLERS! Yeah, you read that right.

The funny thing is...ever since I woke up, I have still been working on my "curriculum" as if it were an actual assignment.

Surrender....Not just a Cheap Trick song.

2010-04-23T14:58:00.003-05:00

So, this is a big share for me. I have alluded a few times about a difficult relationship and my failed attempts at reconcilliation. Today I had a big DING! go off in my head. (again?) I had a few little dings pinging around here and there about it but today the big DING! hit me.

Dang! I AM a human being!

You see, my first mistake has been the fact that I believed that the descriptive word "difficult" or "strained" or "bad" that I put in front of the word "relationship" was a SHARED belief between me and the other party.

My second mistake...maybe there is no heirarchy or order of mistakes...my OTHER mistake was my timing in my efforts to "repair" or "reconcile" this relationship. Just because I thought the timing seemed appropriate does not mean that it WAS APPROPRIATE for that other person. Looking back at all this, that person has every reason to think, say, believe that I am a stark raving LUNATIC. That person did not know that I had been having "nudges" I believed were urging me to move toward "fixing" the relationship. For all I know, that person was able to put the past in the past and I am digging up corpses. To that person I look like an insane mechanic that is changing the oil on a car that just had it's oil changed and in the process replaces oil with transmission fluid and therefore creates a NEW (and/or worse) problem.

My big DING! though...this is what hit me...maybe all this time, these "nudges" I was feeling were more about NOT taking action. These nudges were more about me realizing that this is beyond MY control and that I should turn it over to GOD and pray...."Search me O God"...SURRENDER. This is bigger than me. I do not have the power to change anything or anyone other than ME.

Dang it.

(Trite cliche: Hindsight is 20/20.) Sometimes in my efforts to "be (or do) better" I need to slow down and examine the possible outcomes. (Glib response: Haste makes waste)

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." ~ Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

"Investigate my life, O God,

find out everything about me;

Cross-examine and test me,

get a clear picture of what I'm about;

See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-

then guide me on the road to eternal life."

~ Psalm 139:23-24 (MSG)

Three small words. One huge statement.

2010-04-21T08:52:00.005-05:00

"I'll go sleep in the woods with this dog before I give it away to a shelter."

(this comment delivered deadpan)

...from a gentleman going from A-Z under the heading of "churches" in the phone book. He quit drugs 2 years ago and is now suffering from cardiac sudden death syndrome and is awaiting his disability hearing. He and his wife of 17 years are facing eviction next week and his vehicle (a $150 beater that someone gave him) was totalled this past week. They have no income. He has nothing of value except the "$3000 dog" that someone gave him.

We (our church) is not in a place to solve his problem and part of my job - with the hope of finding help and the ability to resource them - is sometimes asking hard questions. After hitting many brick walls, it occasionally (more often these days) comes to the point where I have to ask the hardest ones:

"Do you have a place to go if you lose your home? Family, friends?"

I try to explain the tough reality that he may need to find a shelter.

Many people divert attention to the care of their pets. They love them and can't imagine sending them to the humane society where they could be euthanized or to a refuge organization where they will never get them back.

I have pets. I love them. If it came to it, would I give them up and take my family to a shelter?

At this point, he is trying to hold on to something, another living creature, for comfort when everything else is about to be lost.

I have never been in that place. I don't know the turmoil in the heart and mind of a person in this situation that causes this to be a tough decision.

It's hard being the voice of reality sometimes. It rips at my heart to have to tell someone that I can't help them. The only thing I can do is pray. This situation is beyond me.

I am seeing an increase in calls for assistance and this one made my heart hurt. I know, it could have been someone trying to "scam" the church. But I choose not to be jaded and err on the side of mercy.

So often people wait until the situation is past the point of repair before seeking help. Three small words, so hard to speak.

"I need help."

I had a dream

2010-04-19T15:21:00.005-05:00

I had a dream....and it was silly.

In my dream, I was at my perfect weight and looking H.O.T. As I do in all of my dreams. They are MY dreams right? In this one, I was dating James VanderBeek (yeah, that guy from Dawson's Creek or more recently Mercy. In my dream, it was the Mercy version of him). It must have been Christmastime because he gave me a gift. It was a necklace with the initial D in diamonds. So, we spent my dream time visiting various people in his family and just random things weird things happened but what stuck out is one set of twin boys around the age of 3 or 4 followed us around for a little bit and as we were parting ways from them they made a point of each telling me "I'm 3rd" and the other said "I'm 4th" and James explained it meaning that in the heirarchy of favoritism within their family, that is the place that they hold. James proceded to tell me that he is first. Go figure. So, we are heading to the next family member and mind you, we are all about PDAs in this dream. (Holding hands, public smooching kind of stuff.) So, my dream self was a bit confused when James kind of wanted to be rid of me while visiting his father. His bedridden father. He actually told me, "why don't you go get your haircut while I am visiting with Dad" and when I asked him why, he told me "your hair is pretty robust" he apparently found it very important that I get my hair cut because he offered to cut it himself if I did not want to go have it done by someone. Oh, and he was NOT going to pay for the cutting of my robust hair. In my dream, I was alright with these things. I decided to go get my haircut. Pay for it myself - even though I was perfectly happy with my robust hair. Not to mention, my dream self was pretty confused as to why he wanted to get rid of me after what seemed to be a great day...

...and then I woke up. Pi$$ED! Dude, at no time in my life would I EVER date someone as self-absorbed as he was in my dream. Not to mention, manipulative and controlling. PLEASE!

So anyway....just had share.

Finding peace in 21 words

2010-04-17T06:13:00.003-05:00

"...No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived

what God has prepared

for those who love Him"

~1 Corinthians 2:9

Joy is...

2010-04-15T10:02:00.002-05:00

An empty email "in" box

YAY ME!

Just sharing.go ahead...be jealous.

...To Return to Facebook...or not.

2010-04-07T14:18:00.002-05:00

It has been over 40 days. I "signed off" the Monday before Lent began and it is now the Wednesday after Easter.

I don't miss it.

I have had such a nice time not being there.

I have reordered my life without the distraction. I know, I am a grown up and I should be able to do both/and - to that I say "WHATEVER"

Obviously, I am not that responsible.

Let me tell you what I realized. Before my Facebook vacation, the first thing I did in the morning was get up with the alarm and then get Paige up for school and while she was showering and getting ready...I was on Facebook seeing what everyone was up to and when she was done about a half hour later I would hit the shower and get ready.

I replaced that time - with reading my Bible. I fell in love with that pretty fast. Even so that now on the weekends it is the first thing I do in the morning. I have read Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts and the first 4 chapters of Romans. Quite often, I take a full hour of it because really, I do not have to look pretty to go out to the bus stop with Paige.

I also feel like I am spending more time with Dave and the girls. Well, actually, physically it is the same amount of time, just more present.

I have also had more time to read other things. It has been awesome.

So, what am I to do?

#1 I am deleting my Twitter account. Don't need it.

#2 I am going to go on Facebook and post this message.

"I don't hang out here very often anymore. I won't be updating my status. If you want to see what is going on in my life go to my blog. If you really are my friend, you have my number, give me a call to chat or maybe we can do lunch."

Historical Human Behavior, Hot Guys at the Gym, and Honoring God and Husband…

2010-03-17T20:18:00.006-05:00

I have always found a nicely defined upper body an attractive trait on a man. Physically, it was always the first thing I noticed when spying a prospect from afar. . I am a girl who appreciates a nicely defined arm…not Mr. Universe over inflated…nicely muscled, proportion is important. That is the historical data.

So, with that history, there I was yesterday at the gym, pumping iron…or whatever the mineral that is a level below iron in weight would be more accurate…and when I was done I moseyed my way over to the bikes to do a brief 15 minute cardio cool down. My wonderful husband joined me minutes later on a bike next to me. I am rocking out to 18 Wheeler by P!nk getting into a groove and I notice a tall, nicely defined torso at the front counter, not too much of a moral struggle as the face was nothing special…reminded me of a Russian athlete. So I turn to my husband and, nodding my head in Nice Torso’s direction say “So, do you think the bottom half is teeny tiny or REALLY BIG?” (Seems like many guys at the gym focus a lot of their energy on their biceps and pecs and ignore their lower half and it just looks weird to me…or the upper half is okay and then the legs are freakishly over developed…but I digress.)

You see, my husband KNOWS what I am attracted to. As it turns out, when Nice Torso walked away from the front counter…we could not tell if the rest of him was proportionate because he was wearing track pants. The point of this is that I am trying to do something along the lines of honoring my husband by not eyeballing another man and pointing out that I noticed this guy to my husband helped me redirect my thoughts. So, Nice Torso moves out of my line of sight and I am good to go.

Seconds later…Nice Torso Revisited steps up to the counter (WHAT THE? The gym I go to has not before had a plethora of eye candy!) I am distracted yet again and then my eyes travel North of said torso and the face is cute and has a great smile! COME ON! At this point, I turn to my husband and I know - that he saw - me seeing - Mr. Revisited and so, I closed my eyes and focused on whatever P!nk was singing and finished my workout blind.

I kept thinking about the reason I was at the gym. Is it because I want to be healthy and get into shape? Yes, but also, there will always be that young girl that lives inside my head who can remember the looks on the faces of and hoots of excitement from all the boys when one of the boys in 6^th grade brought in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition – 1981 with Christie Brinkley on the cover…yeah, that one, and thinking that I need to look like that someday and struggling ever since then and never EVER reaching that ideal.

I do not need my husband comparing himself to these guys and wondering if he measures up. He far exceeds them! How often have we said “married not buried” or “look but don’t touch” It is the attitude that one small thought cannot POSSIBLY lead to one small step, or lead to another step, or a leap and then the next thing you know…you are not happy with what you have.

Am I saying that comparison shopping leads to unhappiness in your marriage or even infidelity? No, yes, maybe. It all depends on the situation I guess. For me, I don’t think that it is God honoring for me to be looking at these other men, not to mention whether or not it is honoring my husband, even though I believe myself to have the best marriage EVER. This is not about that. I don’t want my husband to doubt that I am happy with him. That I love him and am attracted to him as he is; that he does not have to be any version of “ideal” other than his current self.

Just Venting.....

but Jesus holds us to a higher standard: Matthew 5:27-30

The NIV versions states it this way:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'^a]">[a] ²⁸But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

I like the way The Message translates the same verse:

^27-28"You know the next commandment pretty well, too: 'Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.

^29-30"Let's not pretend this is easier than it really is. If you want to live a morally pure life, here's what you have to do: You have to blind your right eye the moment you catch it in a lustful leer. You have to choose to live one-eyed or else be dumped on a moral trash pile. And you have to chop off your right hand the moment you notice it raised threateningly. Better a bloody stump than your entire being discarded for good in the dump.

the jerk

2010-03-14T15:40:00.003-05:00

I am starting to wonder how much the devil listens to the "little details" of our lives.

During the planning of a large event here at the church, I felt like the lives of we women playing significant roles in pulling off this event were either under attack or being over taxed. I won't get into those details here...don't want the jerk (that is what I call, Satan, Lucifer, the devil...whatever...I call him the jerk - no capital letters.) reveling in any glory.

However, I will share this, since I am the only one this is affecting. The other day my husband was talking about an issue I have with one of my elbows and I told him that it has not been bothering me in the way that it had in the past. It used to hurt really bad after I had been sleeping and then just ache, all the time and if I used it for anything it went from ache to PAIN. Well, for a few months, I had not felt that pain after waking or the ache unless I really overused it, and I had learned how to use it to a certain point and then let it rest.

Well, let me tell you, no sooner had I said those words...the next evening I awoke from a little early evening nap with my elbow in excruciatingly familiar pain and since then...the old ache is back and it makes me wonder...

the jerk

Just venting.

1 Peter 5: 8-11 (Message) Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

I gave up Facebook and Twitter for Lent and all I got was: Perspective

2010-02-25T18:31:00.002-05:00

I realized that all of the "friends" I have on Facebook are not people who I mingle with daily and know very little about. We have never shared a meal, a cup of coffee, or even phone numbers and yet, I was peering into their lives in an almost voyeuristic fashion. However, the flip side of this could be Narcissism. On both sides of the coin actually.

I also wonder if people even pay attention to the "status" on my "wall" because according to my email alerts...which I neglected to cancel...a couple of people have posted something on my wall...to those people - sorry, I wont respond until Easter.

Oh, and PHOOEY ON YOU if you posted on my wall thinking I might have forgotten to cancel my email alerts and are trying to tempt me into checking. Well, let me tell you this people. I QUIT SMOKING six years ago...not checking Facebook is a CAKEWALK.

So, with this particular perspective, if I do continue my facebook membership, I may be culling the list of "friends" - I realize the crazy making of facebook was due to the fact that my home page was littered with the CONSTANT status updates of close to 200 people...some of whom update every 30 minutes...and I felt obligated to READ ALL OF THEM.

In the words of Susan Powter: "Stop the insanity!"

Open to suggestion

2010-02-01T11:37:00.002-05:00

I miss blogging.

I need a topic.

Any suggestions?

This was said about me on Facebook:

2010-01-26T16:54:00.005-05:00

"Cant stand "church going ", hypocritical people who judge those before they know them!! Remember god does not judge so neither should you!!!"

Why does this bother me?
I think it is because, I feel like I make Christ followers look bad to this person...and in turn to all this person's friends on Facebook.
Which in turn, is a poor reflection on Christ. (and He obviously had nothing to do with THIS!)

I know this person is lashing out at me, but it made me evaluate my action or statement that caused this person's reaction. First, it had nothing to do with the person who made the comment, this person's outrage is on behalf of someone else and is part of a long line of miscommunication that I went to the source that same day and sorted out. Second, no, we as human beings are not to judge someones heart or character. That is the job of God alone. However, as human beings we are allowed to judge behaviors and to have opinions. Without that, there would be pedophiles, rapist, murders, and thieves running about willy nilly as well as generation upon generation of unruly and undisciplined children.

On top of that, "the best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior"

And so in the wake of a very trying couple of weeks I find this just exhausting.

People are having a hard time accepting that I am a Christ follower.
Maybe they CAN accept that but seem to think that now that I follow Christ that I am no longer supposed to act like a human being.

I am not perfect.
I still cuss (GASP!)
I still have fears
I still drink (FOR SHAME!)
...I did quit smoking...but that was for purely selfish reasons...like wanting to live longer.

I am sure there are a plethora of things that I still do that are not Christ-like...

...but I am not Christ.

I am human...and as such, throughout my day I find myself turning to God in a constantly ongoing conversation where I ask his opinion and ...don't hear an answer right away...or ask forgiveness (and receive it) for a comment or even a thought that was just inappropriate, or an action that I should not have done, or for hesitating when He presents me an opportunity to further His kingdom and it turns into an opportunity lost. However, this relationship I have with Him, also fuels me to get over myself and do what I can when I feel it is what He wants me to do. Learning to tell the difference between what He wants and what I think He wants...that can be a challenge but it takes an investment of time to learn the intricate and quiet language that he uses to reach each of us in our own unique ways. I am investing in that. For the record, I feel that even after 5 or 6 years now, I am still in freshman classes....first semester.

My love for Him, and His for me has opened up this line of constant communication that I cannot imagine my life without. It has brought about me a sense of peace that is almost always present but there is still a part of me that gets riled up when I begin to feel persecuted...such as the comment made above. It usually happens when my past collides with my present. There is a lot more history behind that comment than the comment alone. I have to remember that.

The God sighting in all of this was a comment made back to that person on Facebook:

"God does judge, but he and he alone has that responsibility.I love the Lord, and so I love people too.God said " love thy neighbor as you love yourself". I hope this helps you.... I don't know what you are dealing with , but know that you don't have to worry about what people think about you, but what God knows about you."

The door to forgiving

2009-07-09T05:03:00.006-05:00

In this journey to end my relationship with FEAR and ANGER there has been a huge discovery. First let me say that I am not on this journey alone, I have a counselor, having an objective perspective from someone who does not know all the people involved in my past hurts is very helpful. Not to mention a husband who loves me, that may not understand all of this but is okay with my travel plans.

My first milestone was the realization that I am human and having feelings and addressing them is OKAY. (I tell people this all the time...but did not realize I was not applying it to myself) If you ignore or suppress or try to control your feelings it really creates a bottleneck and eventually those feelings will find a way to be dealt with. I had heard this before, but did not really HEAR it, if you know what I mean.

So my latest discovery is that my Fear and Anger were unaddressed and misplaced. I had earlier realized some of what I was afraid of and what I was angry about BUT the WHO behind the WHAT was misdirected. After my last blog post I had so much emotion rolling around inside of me that I ended up leaving an important meeting because I was making myself SICK trying to not cry...so I left (discreetly) and went and typed a 5 page "This is what is p!$$!ng me off" paper. I even used the F-word in it once and did not edit it out. It was very cathartic but afterwards I felt like a lunatic. It did not solve the problem. I wanted so very badly to send it to the people that I had been typing about but all that would do is cause them unneccessary pain, or anger and me guilt for causing it. So I emailed it to the guide on my journey and to a trusted friend who has been through the process and knows my story so as to get some perspective. My guide sat down with me the next day and noticed a pattern in my writing...I did not want to BLAME the people who hurt me for my hurt or for the dysfunction they created. I did not understand the ripple affect that not BLAMING them had created within my own household. My wise counselor pointed out that if I am not appropriately placing BLAME for these things then I am likely taking on the responsiblity for everything myself.

Yep, that sounds about right. I was raised to take responsibility for myself and not to be a tattle tale. Pouring my guts out to a counselor feels a lot like shirking responsibility and tattling. It is REALLY uncomfortable. The whole process is exhausting. Sometimes the need for change is very strong, but you cannot open the door for change if you are sitting comfortably on the couch of your own misery. So, I made the decision to get my lazy arse up off the couch and open the door.

I was still afraid, I thought that placing BLAME on those who hurt me would make me even angrier at them. My anger toward these people was never really obvious to them, or anyone really, it was just a heavy emotion inside my heart that I let build and build over time. Outwardly, no one knew...even I did not really KNOW...I just felt a shift in the tectonic plates of the relationship...so slight and so slow that if it had been an earthquake, it would not have registered on the Richter Scale and would have been dismissed as a vehicle passing by or a strong wind.

My desire for Change was stronger than my Fear. I opened the door, I made it happen. I let myself place BLAME for the hurt. Yes...I was angry. Even though there were years of anger there that I thought would just flood over me and I would possibly wallow or drown in it...God was right there with me. He did not stop the flood, but He held me up and when I thought I could not breathe He handed me an oxgen tank. When you have that kind of support...standing in the middle of a tidal wave is not quite as scary.

Once the wave passed and I could see what was on the other side of the door, I was amazed. Funny how, I did not realize that by not opening that door, I was barricading myself from all the paths and doorways on the other side of it. I did not realize that by not blaming I was blocking the way to FORGIVING.

The logical part of me knew that my hurt was not my fault. I took on the responsibility for my feelings but in my core I knew it was not mine to take and so why would I need to forgive myself for something I did not do. Even if it is appropriate to BLAME oneself for something I think it is harder to FORGIVE ourselves than it is for us to FORGIVE others. It is hundreds of times harder when it is misplaced BLAME. Forgiveness may not be on the other side of that door...it is in the wrong place. Is it possible that you have to keep walking through poorly placed doors until you find the right one. I think so. Is it worth it?

I found the right door quickly, maybe not everyone does, but I feel the payoff of FORGIVING and I think so.

My journey is not over, but I think I am going to hang out on this path for a little while.

Near to You

2009-06-30T08:54:00.003-05:00

Have you ever broken up with someone and felt the pain and grief of that loss?

Have you ever considered that you can have a committed relationship to unhealthy feelings and thoughts?

Well, I hadn't...until recently. I won't give my emotions a fun name like "Mr. I.M. Steamy" so I am simply going to call them what they are: Fear and Anger. So, i guess I was double dipping, playing the field. Couldn't commit to either of them...that should have been a sign that BOTH of them had to go. At times Fear and Anger are healthy and appropriate, but I apparently am having a secret affair with them, and it is an unhealthy affair.

Today, I broke up with them.

On my way to work. I gave them up to God, and cried like crazy while driving. I expect that like most unhealthy relationships, I will attempt to revisit Fear and Anger...they have been a part of me for so long that it is gonna take some time to move on, but I am going to have to continue to refocus on God and trust that He will steer me in the right direction.

Music has always been a way for me to connect with God, and this song was first to play on the CD that I had in the van...and WOW did it really connect. So, this is the song that I played and sang over and over all the way to work and I was singing it to God. My words to Him, played out in a song by A Fine Frenzy, it is called Near to You. This particular video really shows how my Fear and Anger divides, discolors, and distorts my Focus away from what really matters.

Odds are that I will have to go through this process more than once, like a bad habit. At least now I am aware of it.

I know that I am better near to Him. It's a start.

Breanna Droppings or The Perils of Sharing a Work Place With Your Child

2009-04-30T10:14:00.007-05:00

Some of you may know that my oldest child, Breanna is now on staff at Granger Community Church. She is on the Facility Care team and is typically in the building long after I have left. The following photos are what I have lovingly termed "Breanna Droppings"

On the center of my desk there was this post it note:

Then there were these other sticky notes:
(my monitor has a face now)

The people in my artwork now have a voice... "Oooh" "Ahhh" "What pretty colors"

Yoda is apparently going mad with the power of The Force and "Livin' la Vida YODA!"

Then, my favorite...hidden on my pen tablet...a little love from the offspring.

So fun to find these.

I love them!

Clouded judgement

2009-04-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

In a conversation regarding a conversation regarding a conversation, a wise counselor (person 1) spoke about how she pointed out that the person she was speaking to (person 2) did not hear or acknowledge the other persons (person 3) pain in a conversation that she (person 2) had with that person (person 3). It was a profound moment for me.

That person (person 2) had just shared the same conversation with me and I had agreed with her perspective…I did not feed it, but I felt that she had done a good job in handling the situation. I forgot that there were TWO people involved. TWO people that I cared about. TWO people that God loves and I was not thinking of that other person’s (person 3) pain either because I had not been in proximity to their pain.

I have been trying very hard to be neutral and available to both of these people because they are both my friend, but when it came down to it, because person 2 had been sharing more of her pain and struggle with me than person 3 (who has not contacted me in sometime other than to forward a silly text) my judgment had become clouded and I forgot how much he matters and rather than providing her (person 2) with a suggestion that would soften her heart and even segue toward forgiveness, I gave her kudos for recognizing her boundary issues.

Imagine my palm slapping my forehead.

Just a word on tatoos

2009-03-04T08:34:00.005-05:00

I have tatoos. I like tatoos in general, but I hate my own. They are poorly done and one is a place that I regret because I can ALWAYS see it. That being said, young people - if you are going to get a tatoo, choose wisely the design, the artist, and the location.

The design should be timeless, one that you wont regret when you are old.

The location should be a) something that won't sag or wrinkle with age and ruin the design when you get old and b) something you can cover if say...you simply think it would be appropriate to cover it (like your wedding day or a job interview)

The artist should be talented and experienced...both of which they should be able to provide proof of.

How did I come up with these three "rules"? See below.

Poorly done, bad location, lame design, amateur artist.

I will spare you the one that I have where a word (not a name) is spelled incorrectly.

I however have one rule that I wish EVERYONE ON THE PLANET would abide by. NEVER ...did I say it loud enough NEVER EVER, have a name of your significant other tatooed onto your body. Stuff happens, and someday they may no longer be significant.

Point in case, I was driving to work and a morning show was featuring a female comedian who shared a story of her friend who received a TEXT from her husband stating he wants a divorce. Long story short, for their 3rd anniversary she had his name tatooed on her, um, "hoo ha." (And apparently it is not a common first name) Can we say REGRET boys and girls?

I love my husband. I have his last name on my drivers license. I think that's enough.

Running Update...

2009-02-10T16:20:00.002-05:00

Well dear readers, bad news... I am not running. But wait, it is not because I lack the willpower or ambition. It is because I am an idiot!

You see, I know that I have joint issues but I attempted to defy all of my impairments. So, during my second week of jogging when I increased my jogging sprints from 60 to 90 seconds - my knees were less than pleased. I did decide on week three to take it back to 60 seconds but the damage was done and so I gave myself 2 weeks to heal before I took it up with my doctor and now...well, simply walking or even sitting with my knees attached to my body causes sporadic pain. So, I quit. Yep, I am a quitter.

That being said, I discussed it briefly with my orthopedic surgeon who basically looked at me and said "Some of us just can't jog." That is his professional advice. So, because I still want to do something I am pondering an elliptical.

My budget is very limited right now. I have exactly $0 to spend on one. If anyone is giving away an elliptical... will it fit in my minivan?

Dogs can write? (long post warning)

2009-02-04T17:28:00.009-05:00

I am going to take a risk here. I admit that I just read a book (in under an hour) that was "written" by a dog. Not only is it a dog, but a deceased dog. However, because it happens to be the deceased dog of one of my favorite authors - I read it. Some of you are thinking this is immature and some of you might take my suggestion to read the book and think that IT is immature...your opinion. I am okay with that. On occasion I can be immature. I know this about me. "it is what it is" and you would find that quote even funnier if you read this book. So here it is:

So, all of that to say...READ this book. BUY this book. All the proceeds go to Canine Companions for Independence.

One thing I love about this book is the fact that it included some text from a book actually written by Dean Koontz that I found very cool and I will share that here...but this reflects Dean Koontz and is from his book Odd Hours but I digress - here is the excerpt from Odd Hours reprinted in this book:

"Grief can destroy you - or focus you

You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone.

Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.

But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. Instead, it was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it.

The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time; you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss.

And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."

I want that read aloud at my funeral (in the distant future) and handed to everyone on a laminated card as they leave the service.

(seriously)

Running update

2009-01-22T18:27:00.001-05:00

Long story short...I am still going. I have had to change the plan to meet my specific limitations BUT I am still going. I have never felt so OUT OF SHAPE as I do when I run. But that is the point...get back - or finally - into shape.

Bad days.

2009-01-22T18:16:00.002-05:00

So, I have not had a seriously bad day in a really long time. I actually forgot what it was like to have one of those days when one thing happens and another thing follows and another little bad thing and then just something that you expected but hate happens on top of it. Well yesterday was that day. Details will not really be following. We all have those days in our life but I am writing because really, I have been blessed and it has been a while.

Every few minutes when I am dealing with the details of say...the auto accident Breanna had yesterday...I am reminded of the bad day and I have to say...God...just get me through this. Just get me through this one moment. I feel like I am saying it alot today. Every once in awhile I think my life really SUCKS but then you know what...it doesn't. I am just emotionally at a place where I am a bit on edge so it amplifies everything I experience. I just have to keep talking to God. I know he won't give me more than I can handle.

I will say that in the midst of it all, it was great being able to spend 90 minutes with a group of ladies that I love, who let me share and made me laugh. We need to have those friends who will lift you up when you feel down. God never intended for us to go through life alone.

This bird

2009-01-19T08:22:00.005-05:00

Is real. I know! It looks fake!

It is not a small little bird like you might think. He (she?) is about the size of a small cat.
His feathers are actually quite beautiful.
Not sure what type of bird it is... a crow? blackbird? raven? I am no bird aficionado.
But the huge story about this bird is that...
It is dead.

This little fellow landed on the flower box outside of my parents home....and promptly froze to death in this position.

Facing their house.

They now have a new lawn ornament

Winter gift

2009-01-16T10:47:00.000-05:00

We complain and grumble and drag ourselves into the chaos of winter.
Temperatures 15 degrees below zero
...and then there is the windchill factor but don't go there.
Streets so cold and frozen that the salt won't melt the ice and
double trailer semi trucks cant move forward once they come to a stop.
Cars wont start because the cold drains the batteries.
A wall of snow so high that you can't see the buildings on the other side.
Layers of clothes that threaten to suffocate you
but are necessary to stay warm and even for some...to live.

Eventually the sun will come out.

When you stop and look around at the white wondrous landscape, when you look at it and realize that a snowflake is faceted in such a way that is sparkles as much as the most brilliant diamond, you realize that it too is a gift from God.

He is quite the artist. Like every great masterpiece, you don't notice it's brilliance until you take a moment to take it in.

MY LUNGS ARE ON FIRE!

2009-01-06T16:23:00.007-05:00

What am I thinking!

A running plan! Am I insane! I am SOOOOO not a runner.

Last year during what I call "marathon season" I was envious and impressed by all of the people I knew that ran or walked or participated in a marathon. One of them even videotaped it!

I believe her video inspired me even. So I Googled a plan. From Couch Potato to 5k. Told someone that "Next year I want to run a 5k!" and ......carried the plan around for weeks in my tote. Woo Hoo! Way to go! Yay ME!

So over the weekend, I cleaned off my treadmill. (I have 5 bankers boxes stacked to prove it!) and proceeded to admire my handiwork. Can I clean off a treadmill or WHAT! YEE HA!

Monday, I worked 12 hours...I forgive me.

Today. I came home. Did the Snoopy Dance of Joy because my Netflix video came in and went in my room fully prepared to veg. But THEN...it came over me. The THOUGHTS.

The treadmill is clean.
No one is home.
Its only 3:30
Your comfy clothes are clean.
You OWN tennis shoes.
Wear the socks you wore yesterday...you're just gonna sweat in 'em anyway.
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE
YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE THAT ABSOLUTELY MUST BE DONE
You know the plan
Well, you know you can Google the plan
Just Do It

So I did it. I DID IT! Workout #1 for a 5k running plan. I DID IT! YAY ME

My legs feel like what I imagine it would be like if I were walking around as a Jell-O cup (sans the plastic cup) rather than a human being. Thank you God for structure!

Seriously. WHAT am I thinking. Can I REALLY do this? Is this simply ONE MORE exercise plan that I will start and not finish because it is for me and not benefiting everyone or ANYONE else?

I feel great! My lungs are on fire, I am shaking all over, and I am wobbly as all get out, but I did it. I feel good about having done it. It was only 20 minutes...well 22 because I insisted on not stopping on a partial mile, but still. A blurp in time. No big.

Please God let me continue this. (As if YOU wouldn't let me do THIS.) Okay, better prayer...God please help me allow myself to keep doing this. Help me stay out of my way.

Priceless

2008-12-16T08:07:00.006-05:00

I knew a girl

who was a pawn in the game of chess between her divorced parents

who defined herself by the labels that others apply

who saught solace in physical pain because emotional pain hurts too much

who cried alone because she believes tears are a sign of weakness

who was afraid of being a girl because she thinks that they are not strong

who was happy when her parents divorced because she thought the fighting would stop

who is confused because the people who are supposed to love and accept her unconditionally simply don't seem to know what acceptance and unconditional mean.

who defines her sexuality out of fear but is afraid to admit that.

who seeks attention

who loves her little brothers and keeps herself a slave to her fathers tyranny
so that she can continue to be a part of their life.

who has no idea of the power she possess to control her own life

who wants out of the circle of chaos but feels trapped inside of it

who does not realize that this chaos is temporary

who is seeking a life in Christ but all of THIS keeps flying at her

I know a young woman who does not realize that she is no longer a little girl and that her life and future are hers to determine.

I know a young woman

who is smart

who is beautiful

who is strong

who loves

who is loved

who matters

who wants to be happy

Who matters to God and I hope that some day she realizes that her value and worth come from Him and that He decided that she was worth the cost of His son.

I know a young woman who is priceless

Help Paige help her school

2008-11-05T16:13:00.002-05:00

I hate school fundraisers. Yep, I said it...well, typed it.

Why do I hate them?
Probably because I hate being put in a sales position and they make me feel like I am trying to be a salesman. That being said, I think this one is kinda cool. I can give you this link:

http://store.gafundraising.com/Store.aspx?ur=9

....and you can go to the store and order a magazine subscription ( there are over 750 titles to choose from) or RENEW AN EXISTING ONE and Paige and her school recieve credit. How cool and easy is that?

No money is collected by me or my kid. Customers will be billed by mail.

Looks like the deadline is November 14th. Remember, for those of us who like magazines...they make good Christmas gifts!

Paige attends LaSalle Academy in South Bend. Trust me, South Bend schools need these fundraisers "for a variety of educational needs"

(and posting this did not make me feel like I was trying to sell you anything... even if in fact I am)

2008 Adopt A GCC Family

2008-11-05T15:42:00.002-05:00

I know people get sick of me talking about the Adopt a Family program we have at our church, but I cannot help being excited about it.

Just a few days ago I asked our communications team to post the serving opportunity to Host a family on our volunteer page and already, I have local organizations inquiring and signing up. How cool is that?

A God sighting for me today happened when a great lady sent me an email sharing that she is encouraging other people she knows to host a family and she wanted to know if there were any "singles" that were in need. Here is my response to her"

"Thank you so much for being an advocate for the program! I do not know if you noticed a change on the sign up form for hosts that asks if you would be willing to adopt a “grandparent” - I simply have people in need of all family status and as a matter of fact I have one woman who - though she is a grandparent - is not really elderly but her health issues keep her from working and she tries really hard. She asked if she would be able to apply to the program…of course I let her…God seems to take care of everyone who has applied to this program in the past, so why not her? That being said, I feel like your offer to help with any singles is a specific answer to her need. I gave her an application today and you contact me today…coincidence? I think not."

The heart of Jane

2008-10-29T09:43:00.003-05:00

I love my job.

We meet on Wednesdays as a team and part of that is sharing stories where we have seen God. I want to share this but I know I wont be able to without blubbering so I will share it here.

I received a voicemail that was 4 minutes and 50 seconds long from a lady (I will call her Jane) seeking financial assistance to pay a utility bill. The hard part of my job is that quite often I have to tell people "No" and try to redirect them to other community resources. With a database that shows 50,000 people in the community call this church theirs, you can imagine how many requests we receive for assistance.

So I took a deep breath and dialed the phone. This call surprised me. After I told her that we could not help her and discussed her options her words to me showed that she is listening and taking in what she hears at the services. Jane stated that she understood that her free will put her in this position and she is owning that.

Jane is a recovering alcoholic who just celebrated a year being sober. Her ex husband is an alcoholic and is dying from liver disease. She is living with friends because she cannot afford to have her utilities turned on and her son has to stay with his Dad during this time because of it. it is a very emotionally difficult situation for them all.

She shared that this church is the first one that her autistic son actually enjoys and can pay attention to. His love of this church brought her to Christ. She has been attending for about 6 months.

She then started to tell me a story. One of a new friend (they just met a couple months ago) that she brought to our church who enjoyed the services because it reminded her of her own church. Their friendship progressed at mach speed and apparently this friend endures dialysis daily and needs a kidney transplant. The friend recently gave Jane her Bible and told her a bunch of scriptures that she needed to pay attention to. She recently started mentioning to Jane that she is looking forward to seeing the Kingdom of God. This is the part of the story where Jane began to cry.

Jane was flabbergasted because recently she made the decision to go and be tested to see if she were a match to be able to give her friend a kidney. She mentioned that a year ago she would not have even considered doing something like that. The friend somehow put her off. She is now in a coma. She is currently being kept alive with the help of machinery. Jane realized that the friend knew and the doctors confirmed that this late in the game the odds of her body accepting a transplanted kidney were slim, but the one thing that Jane is taking away from the experience is how much her friend was looking forward to being with God. That she is not afraid to die. I am taking away how much God is working in the heart of Jane.

Who I am

2008-10-22T12:56:00.001-05:00

Who am I?

Many years ago in a college writing class my assignment was to write an essay about who I am. I was a genius of course and wrote all kinds of questions and answers about how at such a young age of only 22 years I could hardly write about who I am when I have not lived long enough to fully understand who I am and contemplated that I will never really know the answer until the day that I take my last breath.

I got an A+ on that paper. Can you believe we were not even required to TYPE it! Oh how times have changed.

So, 16 years later…I still believe I was right, maybe now a little less pompous

To answer that question now…again, oh have times (and I) changed:

I believe that I am a middle class, thirty something white female born into a family with hardworking parents hoping as most parents do that their children will succeed on a higher level than their own. Have I succeeded to the extent that my parents had dreamed? Probably not monetarily, but I do not measure my value or success in that way. Not any longer.

I measure myself against the families next door, across the street, in the poorer and richer neighborhoods as well as royalty, celebrities, superstars, rock stars, doctors, lawyers, janitors, waitresses, strippers, drug dealers, murderers, pedophiles, prostitutes, drug addicts, and homeless. I measure myself against them and find myself their equal.

No better.

No worse.

I measure my value by the love given to me. Not the love from my husband, parents, children or friends, though it is love that I cherish and am thankful for, but rather from believing in God and more importantly the relationship I have with Him because "belief" is not enough. He loves me. He loves all of us, including and not limited to those that I earlier stated that I measure myself against. I follow Christ and though I sometimes stumble, trip or even fall in His footsteps, I will continue to pick myself up, ask for forgiveness, dust myself off and keep following that narrow path. Because of the relationship that He and I have, I know that no matter what I do, He loves me and His love is not increased or diminished by my own actions.

That love, it is the only measure of a man that I need consider. It is there for me and for you, no matter who you are. We are equal.

Thoughts in and out of surgery

2008-10-05T16:11:00.003-05:00

Why do they have to ask you first thing when you enter if you need to use the rest room?
Why am I fine until they ask that?
Love the gown. The oxygen tube is a nice touch.
Why am I nervous? It's JUST an elbow.
Where is my husband?
Does the I.V have to go in my hand?
Oh my WORD! I don't remember I.V.s hurting so bad.
It wouldn't thread? What does that mean?
Yeah, go ahead and try the hand. I would LOVE a local.
Really, red hair and freckles is a sign someone is hard to stick? Good to know.
Third times a charm.
Really, I was kidding about the foot.
It's okay, I understand that you don't have a road map to my veins.
Finally.
Where is my husband?
DUDE that hurts!
DUDE!
Wow, thats cool. How do you make the lights do that?
Ow! What was that? That light effect is REALLLY cool!
Hi honey! When did you get here? Was I snoring?
Will you hold my hand? You are?
My hand feels like it is on my stomach, will you please put it there, it is freaking me out to see it THERE and feel it THERE.
Hi Doc! You want me to pray? I cant put a thought together let alone a prayer!
OHHHH you're gonna pray. That would be SWEET! Thank you.
Amen.
Love you honey.
OH My WORD! Do they have to keep it Arctic in operating rooms!
I am freezing!
More drugs...okay.
I need to pee.
Yes, I can Stand I need to pee!
Okay, it is a little uncomfortable having you in here, I don't even let my husband see me pee.
Huh?
What?
Yes I remember going to the bathroom.
What time is it?
Yeah, I'm ready lets go.
When will I feel my arm again?
Why has my block not worn off yet?
This is irritating.
My block is wearing off.
When will my meds start working?
I must be a wuss. Why aren't these meds working?
OH MY GOD, Help me, this hurts worse than labor!
Three. Okay, I will take 3. No I don't think I will need THAT!
Okay, yeah we can remove the splint on day 3.
That's attractive.
Honey will you wash my arm?
How am I going to do my hair?
This sucks!
Lets put the splint back on.
I wonder if I can drive.
Why do they allow your fingers to be free but not in a way that I can type with them?
Typing one handed sucks.
I need to talk to my doctor.
I knew I was going to be a pain in the *****

True Friends..

2008-09-28T09:27:00.003-05:00

This actually took place. This is a re-enactment and a precise quote.

Date: Sept 17, 2008

Location: the mini-van

Setting/Participants: Paige is sitting in the third row passenger seat. Breanna and Alexa are sitting in the captain's chair passengers seats. Dave is driving and I am riding shotgun.

Paige: (I have no idea what she said or did...it is really not relevant)

Alexa to Breanna: "See why I like your sister? She's COOL" "I wish I had a cool sister, instead...I have yyyou." (In the final sentence, the way she said "you" sounded close to "Eeww")

-----------------------------

Best friends are awesome!

HI ALEXA!

Miss Crazy is Driving!

2008-09-19T15:25:00.003-05:00

Is it okay to cry when your baby calls to tell you that she passed her driving test. Well, I hope so because that is what I am doing.

Very happy...it's been something we practically had to push her into doing. Now that it is a reality, it is just one step closer to her being a grown up.

These are times when being a parent actually hurts your heart.

The struggle between wanting them to stay young forever and wanting them to grow up and go into the world and experience life as an adult.

Moments like this...SUCK!

Not really... more accurate description is "bittersweet"

Like Dark Chocolate...I think I will go find some. Dark Chocolate makes me happy.

Connected

2008-09-09T09:49:00.005-05:00

Had an "odd" moment with Paige yesterday.

During our morning routine, I was in the bathroom blowdrying my hair when I heard Paige say "Mom".

It sounded like she was standing outside the bathroom door. I turned off the hairdryer and said "Yeah?"

No response.

So I open the door and no Paige.

I look down the hall toward her room and don't see her. So I walk down there and ask "Did you just call me?"

She had this odd look on her face and said "In myyyy heeaaad."

It was weird.

She said that she needed something from the bathroom and the second after she thought about calling out to me...I said "Yeah?"

She'd heard that and thought it was kinda freaky and at the same time very cool. It was a really fun moment for me personally.

It seems that I have been in Paige's shoes before...

I wonder how often God gets that sort of reaction from us. How much fun is that for Him when we recognize that He heard us when we did not even speak.

Blatant GodTube Promo

2008-07-15T09:27:00.004-05:00

So many people spend hundreds of hours on YouTube... there is some great stuff there.

I like YouTube.

I was speaking with Ted Bryant today (he is half of the phenomenal couple that facilitates Beyond I Do at Granger Community Church) and he shared with me that he would be using a clip called "Inheritance" from GodTube in their presentation.

So I checked it out. It is pretty darned cool.

Check out these two awesome videos that you can see on GodTube:

Everything

Inheritance

No Limits!

2008-06-14T08:36:00.004-05:00

...yeah, I know...that picture does not look intimidating. In fact, it looks almost tranquil. It was a day I hope to never forget.

The promo states:

"Be challenged.
Leave the status quo behind. Anything is possible on the Summit Adventure Ropes Course - designed by the same brilliant minds who've created courses for the Harvard School of Business. It's where preconceived notions are dismantled. Teams are built. Bonds are strengthened. And life-changing moments are created and shared."

...I believe that to be true.

It is what I personally experienced.

To me, there is truth in the advertising.

The Connections Team went to Manowe and spent a day learning about courage and trust through some great coaching by Justin Maust with help from Josh "Otis" King. It was a combination of leadership training and some time on one of the best ropes courses in the midwest. Now, some of you don't know this but I have (or thought I had) a fear of heights. Well, I also have this bent about really needing to face my fears and something I realized yesterday is that I am actually afraid of FALLING. Once I knew I would not fall because I was securely tethered, I no longer feared the height and actually enjoyed the activity.

Physically for me this activity was exhausting. For several months I have been very limited in my physical abilities due to some serious pain in my elbows, knees, ankle and back. Yes, I have been treated but it has been a very frustrating process and I was at the point that I realized that I had lost a great deal of the strength I once had and that was even more frustrating. So when we went to that ropes course I wanted to test my limits and I did. I did not stop until I could no longer close my hands into a fist...and you need your hands to close in order to grip things so...I got to a point where I physically could not go on to the next "element" on the course. Lucky for me I ended up on the platform where the "zip line" is so, I simply watched the rest of my team rock out the ropes course for a few more minutes and then we all zipped on down to ground level.

I really feel closer to some of my team. I am more impressed with my teammates (and I was already pretty impressed). In particular, Sarah was amazing to me. She had a huge fear she faced and the fact that she even agreed to go on this outing and put on a helmet and harness, let alone actually participate -WOW- I am amazed by her.

I learned some interesting things about myself yesterday. Things that God has been whispering to me about. I won't share them here, I am still trying to wrap my head around what I think I am hearing, but the important thing is...I am actually trying to listen.

Marriage truth...?

2008-05-20T12:34:00.002-05:00

"The one thing men want above all is to know that they are enough. That their masculinity, their power, their value, their strength is enough for their wife.

The one thing women want above all is to know that they are not too much. That they can be as big and as beautiful and as powerful as God made them without overshadowing a man who is too fragile or insecure."

Jon at The Prodigal Jon blog

So, dear readers....your thoughts?

Agree?

Disagree?

Agree with one and enlightened by the other?

Think it's all crap?

Really....your thoughts would be welcome.

Meditation

2008-05-05T12:34:00.004-05:00

I close my eyes and there appears…darkness. Just the red/black inside of my eyelids and slowly with some coaxing I sense the shadow of a doorway and beyond that doorway I see a shore, back and forth visions of ocean and lake. Calm waters and rough waters…but always I feel peace.

I open my eyes and hear Your words through the voice of a wise man. I close my eyes and give in to the vision that wants to appear.

A man in a gray suit, with short brown hair and a contagious smile. He holds out his hand to a woman who I believe is beautiful. I see her only from behind. She is blonde, thin and is wearing a simple white dress of eyelet lace that swirls around her knees as she walks. They walk hand in hand along a shore – ever changing from ocean, to lake, to river, to pond, and back again. The scenery always changes and the man stays the same. He walks with His arms around her waist or her shoulders and as I watch she changes from woman to girl. She is so delicate and small, blonde, and again dressed in white and he walks with her hand in His. She changes back and forth between woman and child and he always stands between her and the water always holding her.

I see His face only from her perspective. Always smiling always looking at her directly.
At some point He must have let go because I see from her perspective the view from inside a boat. Her hands are mine, her dress is mine, her legs and feet are mine. Not mine as they are now, but I am her none the less. The boat is on a lake adrift and the only way to steer is with our hands. There is no motor, no oars, and no sail. Just our strength. We drift for a while, her and me as one, and we have no destination. We see a man far off on the shore, watching us and waving. Beckoning us but not demanding that we come to Him. We hesitate until by some odd miracle we see Him create a space for our boat, carved into the shore by His will. So we slowly paddle with our hands lazily in that direction and it takes what seems like forever to get to shore.

We arrive and He reaches out to us and I realize that “us” is just me. He was inviting ME. I take His hand and step onto the shore and He points toward a beautiful home and without speaking invites me in, but this time…I walk alone, and He is behind me. The room is circular and immense filled with large furniture intended for hours of relaxation. The kind you would sink comfortably into. Yet, there is plenty of space to dance. I turn to find Him and He was still right there behind me, waiting. He offers his hand and we dance. Something like a waltz but I am clumsy and don’t know the steps, but he still guides me and I laugh as he twirls me around the floor. I feel free and safe. Time stops, we stop and we stand facing each other. He has something for me. A gift. A single, simple, beautiful daisy. As I accept the gift I bring it close to my heart and the weight of it knocks me onto the floor. An impact my conscious self could feel in my chest. He offers His hand and helps me back up, and He smiles…and I am brought back out of my vision.

It was four minutes that will last a lifetime.

Spark Plugs and Childbirth

2008-04-06T15:31:00.003-05:00

I know, that was an odd title for a post. All will be explained but I warn you, this is a long post.

(Some of you may recall this post where I talk about the bonding experience of automotive repair as a couples activity. I still highly support that, for us anyway.)

As a woman and a mother, I never understood what it was like for men in the delivery room. I think I have a glimpse of that now. Let me recap the past several days from my perspective:

(Please note, quotes will not be exact - it has been a long several days)

Thursday: (late afternoon - still daylight)

Dave (for those of you who don't know - Dave is my wonderful husband) decides to continue to work on the Explorer by changing the spark plugs. He had mentioned that some of them looked difficult to get to but he was ready to go.

This is what I compare to planning the pregnancy. We both are excited for our own separate reasons about the possibilities of a new life (aka - spark plug) and what it will mean to us. (Me, personally a better running vehicle - for Dave likely a life without worrying about a wife being stranded on the side of the road.)

So, off he goes to do his task (We have now conceived) and I offer assistance in any way and as always am willing to hang outside with him for support (Just like any man once his wife has conceived). At this point he turns me down. (much like many pregnant women)

Thursday: (Evening, dusk)

Dave comes in asking me to hold his light for him. He has one side done and is having some trouble with a couple on the other side of the engine.(This means we are in labor) and so I join him beside the truck (aka hospital bed) and offer words of encouragement (never try to give advice to a woman in labor - that would be VERY bad) and I hold his light, as instructed shining it downward into the engine. (this would be like offering ice chips to the woman in labor, not exactly what she wants at that moment, however providing what you can)

After several excruciating minutes of light holding (yeah, much like the antsy feeling of being useless in the delivery room) I figure there has got to be a better way to light this thing. So, while at a moment that I am not needed I drop down to the front wheel well and peel back that plastic backing behind the tire and shine the light in that way. Dave is delighted by this and is grateful for my efforts. (This would be like offering to rub all the pain points in a laboring mothers back, while propping her up with exactly the right pillows, while still feeding her the ice chips and cooling her neck with a wet washcloth)

As I see him struggling through the vantage point of the wheel well, I ask him if I can try and he declines saying that he does not want me to injure myself, and me being - ME, I stuck my hand in through the well and grab his hand. His reaction was something like "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" because he had been busting his knuckles from up above for quite some time. (this would be like telling a pregnant mother about this great thing called an epidural - relieves the pain, but does not really speed up the process)

Dave then shifts positions and is able to change out three of the four spark plugs with minimal effort. (labor pains are close together and the water has broken!) He is laughing and shaking his head and when I inquire as to why he explains how, prior to my joining him he had been cussing and shaking his fist at God and saying "Why can't it ever be easy?" and remembers saying "Lord, a little help please!" and he was laughing because once again the help he received came in the form of his wife. If only he had taken me up on my offer of assistance early on, the process probably would have gone more smoothly (Every couple who has decided on an epidural can relate to the little moments of joy they have during this time of waiting for the actual delivery of their child, not to mention if at first the birthing mother was resistant to the epidural at first she is rather thankful at this point)

So, finally, he gets to that one spark plug in the front that had broken off a little during his first attempt. He is worried. He starts to turn the plug and SNAP. All that is left is the threads and collar. No nut, very little ceramic, the silver thingy in the center snapped off too except for a small bit left in the remaining bit of ceramic deep inside the collar. This is not good. (okay, compare this to, the doctor coming in and just when he tells you you are 9 centimeters dilated he also tells you - the baby is BREACH)

So, we call it a night and I Google how to remove a broken spark plug.

FRIDAY:

Dave takes me to work and goes to work himself for a few hours and then shops and borrows parts and tools for the necessary "procedure" to remove the broken spark plug. (okay, I don't quite have a labor analogy for this part except - anxiously waiting and hoping)

He picks me up from work and reports that there has been no progress. The EZOUT is the wrong size, his hands and arms are killing him but he is still fighting and not willing to throw in the towel. (He is going to make a great mother for our little spark plug) I can only be there to support him with an extra pair of hands, holding the light once more and helping him to remain calm and patient. Praying the entire time for those things.

Sadly I realize that we had committed to help Danny V. and his family move the next morning and waited until as late as possible before canceling. I had to make the call. We hated not being able to honor our commitment. (Hey, we were in labor, I could not just leave him there stranded without his Lamaze coach!)

9pm the sun had gone down on another day, and still no apparent progress. (Along the lines of waiting for the doctor to decide to try to turn the baby or go cesarean)

Saturday:

We awake knowing that anything is possible. It is out of our hands. We can only do, all that we can do. I act as assistant and get him anything he needs (Like any good husband waits on his wife during a traumatic delivery). I find myself quite often leaning my forehead against the glass of the truck saying prayers for his patience and strength as well as for miracles such as the freaking broken spark plug to start spinning dag nab it! (Do, I need to make this comparison for you? Okay, worried father quietly praying for mom and baby to be okay)

The day progresses and Dave is still at it, dusk has come and night has arrived and I am again holding a light. Finally I hear the words I have longed to hear. A whisper that sounded like he said "Its moving" I cry "No way!" and drop to my knees next to him, I witness for myself the remnant spinning lose and as he frees it completely I yell with happiness and turn to him, with tears in my eyes and hug and kiss him and scream some more for joy! (This actually happened, I was so flipping happy about this, that moment made me think of this whole -father during delivery analogy! So, this would be akin to watching the crowning of the baby and then seeing the child covered in - well, you know - but being overjoyed anyway.) I looked at the clock and it was 8:18pm the next hour was spent putting in the new plug, attaching the wires, checking the fluids and putting away the tools. (Baby was cleaned up, and all necessary immediate tests are done before presenting it to the parents)

We go for a drive to check her out and go pick up some much deserved Taco Bell. (Taking the baby home.)

We have been enjoying the smooth ride (new child) ever since.

Me holding the "baby" shortly after "delivery"

A true test for me

2008-04-04T09:07:00.002-05:00

Okay, I would like to say this...I am not a perfectionist. HOWEVER, I hate it when I have typos and spelling errors in any of my written pieces. ESPECIALLY on my blog. I just finished re-reading the blog post that I did very quickly yesterday without proofing and I am MORTIFIED at my errors.

So, rather than go back and edit it...I am challenging my readers to a contest. Tell me how many spelling errors and typos you can find. The person with the correct (or closest to correct) number wins. (The prize: my admiration for being able to spot typos and spelling errors)

The only rule: you can not count grammar and punctuation errors...This is a BLOG for Pete's sake!

Random conversations, realizations or quotes worth noting

2008-04-03T13:10:00.002-05:00

(This post dedicated to Kristin Baker...thank you for your kind words yesterday!)

Yesterday:

Breanna and I were driving in the car and I mentioned something about her not paying attention and her retort was something along the lines of her lack of paying attention is because she is too focused on my compulsive nose itching.

Apparently I itch my nose....alot.

Once I start, it begins with the polite swipe of back hand across bottom of nose apparently it turns into a full face rubdown with both hands. She is right. Now I am going to be acutely aware of this. I have probably looked afool for years.

(Where have my friends been to tell me about my annoying quirk? Thanks Breanna for finally pointing this out to me.)

Yesterday:

My husband hit hero status once again.

Apparently I am a bad car owner: I don't pay attention to the 3 month/3000 mile rule.

So I tell my husband that on my trip out of town this weekend that every time I hit the breaks my oil pressure gauge would freak out! He went for a drive and no problem. Well the next day, same thing and so I was listening to a commercial for motor oil and said to my husband "Could it be low on oil?" so he checked it and sure enough...barely reading on the dipstick and rather nasty looking.

He had had the oil changed (by professionals) back in the Fall, and I have not done anything about it since (6+ months and 10,000+ iles later) and therefore my car was acting out and not cooperating with me very well lately. So, my husband who works on his feet 10+ hours a day came home yesterday and changed my oil, oil filter, brake lights and was going to do the spark plugs but it got too late. The car is already running better and something about him taking care of my car for me after a hard days work so that I do not end up stranded on the side of the road some day soon (big fear of mine by the way) makes him big gianormous hero in my book.!

Thanks honey - I love you!

Yesterday:

Paige, such a cute kid...so easy to please. I feel like she is waiting until her big sister is out of the house to become difficult relationally. However the fun story - I was telling Breanna that I needed her to reorganize a couple of my cupboards in the kitchen because she has - well, lets just say her spring break was extended - but this story is not about her. Well Paige overheard me asking Breanna about organizing cupboard and she jumped in and demanded that I let her do it. She has always been my cupboard organizer in the past (a darn good one) and she was not about to let her sister take away her fun chore! God love her...she is soooo my daughter.

Today:

Quote from Randy Pausch (47 year old college professor with only a few weeks left to live) shared this in his last lecture:

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want."

I don't know if he penned the quote but her referenced it and I thought it pretty noteworthy.

The truth behind the text

2008-03-03T17:10:00.003-05:00

When I was young my parents would tell me "drinking coffee will stunt your growth"

Ahhh, the good old days.

A realization I have had this week:

Some teenagers these days (including mine) have no peer social skills. They don't need them. They live in the world of text messaging, and MySpace, and Facebook, and Instant Messaging where all of their words are typed and if they are overcome with an emotion they don't have to deal with it...they can hit "delete", "sign off", or "remove someone from their friends list" and the problem is solved.

In the TEXT world you can "say" things without emotion even if you are crying and all choked up. You can YELL even when you are being quiet. You can LOL with all your friends even when you don't get the joke, or if you do - you don't really find it funny. You can :) and no one can see that you are angry, or sad, or scared.

In the text world...you can stifle your growth and "have" whatever emotion you want to have.
In the text world...you can hide.

Crazy Making / Random thoughts in my head that I must get out.

2008-02-29T12:03:00.003-05:00

My 17 year old daughter (Breanna) is in love with a broom - yes a real broom.
My 11 year old daughter (Paige) is a singing tree. HONK!
There really is such a thing as Velocity Learning and it is awesome
Make no mistake - before having children, make sure you live in the right school district OR save to afford private school OR homeschool. A lesson no one taught me and I pay for my ill-planning in this area on a regular basis.
School administrators are too busy to listen, observe and care. They only have time to hear, see and react.
Guilty. I am reading a book that was chosen by Oprah. Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth...and loving it.
The Daily Plate has ruined me. I can no longer put anything into my mouth without thinking about it.
I believe that God is working in Breanna's life without her realizing it. It is the only explanation for her relationships and the people that are drawn to her. Because she will care about them without judgement and accept them where they are but refuse to let them stay there. That is how she is made. Acceptance first. She will be a friend for as long as someone will allow her to be. Unfortunately, she is still honing her skills and sometimes teenagers can not handle brutal honesty.
Kids can only take so much, they are still just kids.
Some parents need to learn that to a child/teenager feeling accepted is as important to them as feeling loved.
If you think your child needs counseling, the reality is...you might need it first and then see what changes.
Love well.

Quotes

2008-02-14T08:10:00.002-05:00

I am a little behind on my mandatory high school junior year reading. So, this past weekend I picked up On the Road by Jack Kerouac and here are a couple great lines early on in the book that I enjoy:

"We understood each other on other levels of madness"

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

Conversations

2008-01-31T12:06:00.000-05:00

I have had a couple of conversations over the past couple of weeks one was good and one was...well it was how I expected it. (I also had conversations about the conversations...quite the snowball effect.)

My good conversation was not a planned conversation. I did not go to work yesterday because the winter weather made it impossible to open my car doors. So, I called my dad to see how he was doing and one question led to a conversation that lasted 185 minutes and 25 seconds according to the counter on my phone. We talked about so many different things but key things like his health, mom's health and job, possibly looking at moving out of their house, exercise, kids, parenting, ancestry. It was a good way to spend my morning. I love my Pops!

My other conversation:

I hesitate to blog about it. Still trying to find the words. I did not go about this conversation well. I called to offer to meet with this person and when I received voicemail I did not leave a message. So they called back (caller ID) at a time when I could not talk and was very curious about what I wanted and asked me to please follow up as soon as I could. Well, when I was able to talk I was not really READY. In reviewing it with Kathy she confirmed what I feared. It came out as a backhanded apology.

You see, over the past few years I have grown. I have changed and it was not that I was forcing the change, it was something God was doing. One thing that has continued to weigh heavy on my heart was this one particularly difficult relationship. One in which I held a great deal of resentment, hostility, animosity, sadness and regret about. The kicker...this person did not know I felt these things and the feelings have grown over the years and worsened. However, it was not this person's fault. I have come to realize that I control how people treat me. I control how I feel about people. If I walk on eggshells around someone it is MY fault...not theirs. I may not agree with, or condone the things they do but it is not my job to judge them. If I see someone who I believe is miserable it is not my job to say "Hey, you are miserable." If this person believed that they were miserable they would seek help. A wise person once told me "No one WANTS to be miserable. If they could change they would." It is not for me to determine. Not only was I judging this person but I spoke poorly of this person in the past and I regret that. So in my attempt to apologize to this person, I also unloaded on this person the things that had been bothering me. This should have been two different conversations. Maybe. Maybe it should not have been a conversation at all and just a change in my behavior. In the end I got what I deserved...
Hung up on.

Heath Ledger died! What the...???

2008-01-23T13:06:00.000-05:00

I loved his roles in 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knights Tale and I am totally bummed - especially since I am finding out a DAY LATER!

I will always picture him like this ^ while hearing him singing "I LOVE YOU BABY! And if it's quite alright I need you baby, to warm a lonely night, I love you baby, trust in me when I saaaaaay......."

Here is the article regarding his passing: Newsday.com

The diaries

2008-01-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

Book one for the year:

The Nanny Diaries

Fun book...but like many books I think the end was a bit rushed, certain books are supposed to leave you hanging and I get that but some books should really just tie the pieces together for you. This one should have tied it up. I smell a "sequel" (I could be wrong) but I don't know that I would read it...

...who am I kidding, if I start a series I feel compelled to read all of it - it is a sickness I know.

Book two for the year:

The Heroin Diaries

Not for the faint of heart. Not a book you should have on your coffee table or bookshelf if you have young children in your home.

I REALLY ENJOYED THIS BOOK. Though I am not sure that "ENJOYED" is the right word. Reading about someone elses pain and addiction is not something that should be enjoyable. In this book I appreciate the candor, I admired the mind behind the madness. I enjoyed the light that was hiding in the darkness, and there is a God awful lot of darkness in this book but for some reason I ....well, I don't want to ruin it for anyone. I never knew what went down "back in the day" (the late '80s) other than that I loved the music of Motley Crue. I have never been a person to attend concerts so I was not witness to their antics...and after reading the book I am glad.

The book dedication reads:

"This book and journey is dedicated to all the alcoholics and drug addicts who have had the courage to face their demons and to pass on the message that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel."

An excerpt from the intro:

"These diaries start on Christmas Day 1986, but that day wasn't even that special. I was an addict well before then, and stayed one for a while afterwards. Perhaps that day just brought my condition home to me. There is something about spending Christmas alone, naked, sitting by the Christmas tree gripping a shotgun, that lets you know your life is spinning dangerously outta control."

This was a hard book to read at times, but I felt that if he is gonna risk it and put it out there...I can suffer through the words if he suffered through the pain. I am glad I did.

Books...The Year in Review

2008-01-01T19:07:00.000-05:00

My top three books for the year are:

In the "SERIOUS" category

The Shack by William P. Young.

I read this one with my husband...the fact that he really enjoyed the book should make you run out and find a copy. Heck, the fact that he ACTUALLY read it speaks volumes. This book made me happy by painting a picture that was lurking in the back of my brain about who God is. It made me cry - rivers - when it dug into my heart. It is not your typical "Christian" book. I really can not tell you more without spoiling it.

I give it 5 stars plus a holla and a fist pump!

(hat tip to Dr. Bob Laurent for recommending the book)

In the "FREAKING HILARIOUS" category:

Lamb:The Gospel According to BifF, Christ's Childhood Pal - by Christopher Moore

A friendship with Jesus like no other. See my previous review of this book HERE

In the "Non-Fiction" category:

Flashbang: How I Got Over Myself by Mark Steele

The humility combined with the great sense of humor of the author is what really kept me engaged. I love laughing while in pain...and this guy seemed to find the laughter within the pain

My biggest reading regret this past year was starting the Left Behind series. I enjoyed the first few books, maybe even the first half or two thirds. I have to admit that I have a sickness...if I start a series I have to finish it. So thirteen books of this was WAY too much and toward the end I really think they were redundant and then just grasping at straws - either that or I was on overload. Maybe if I had read them as they were released it would have been okay. Reading them all in a year...not suggested.

So during Winter Break of 2006 I started keeping track of the books I read. I have been very self indulgent in my reading this year. LOTS of fiction. Very little in the way of books on self improvement or spirituality or biographies - you get it...NON-fiction. So below is my list. The titles in italics are non-fiction. I have linked to my favorites of the year

December 2006

Wicked - Gregory Maguire
Brother Odd - Dean Koontz
Next - Michael Crichton
Ariel - Steven R. Boyett

January and February 2007

Tales From the Crib - Risa Green
You Suck! - Christopher Moore (the book has vampires in it)
I Feel Great (and you will too!) - Pat Croce
Plum Lovin' - Janet Evanovich
Left Behind - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Son of a Witch - Gregory Maguire
Tribulation Force - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

March 2007

Girls in Trouble - Caroline Leavitt
Nicolae - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Please, Stop Laughing At Me - Jodee Blanco

April 2007

Notes From the Underbelly - Risa Green
Soul Harvest - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Apollyon- Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Assasains - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

May 2007

Thanksgiving - Janet Ivanovich
The Indwelling - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
The Mark - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
A Dirty Job - Chris Moore
Grace (Eventually) - Anne Lamott

June 2007

Natural Born Charmer -Susan Elizabeth Phillps
Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult
Anybody Out There? - Marian Keyes
Desecration - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
The Remnant - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins

July 2007

The Stupidest Angel - Christopher Moore
Fluke, or I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings - Christopher Moore
Armageddon - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - Christopher Moore

August / September 2007

Glorious Appearing - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Blue Coyote - Christopher Moore
Love Overboard - Janet Evanovich
Go, Discover Your Strengths - Marcus Buckingham

October 2007

Lean Mean Thirteen - Janet Evanovich
The Good Guy - Dean Koontz
Now, Put Your Strengths to Work - Marcus Buckingham

November 2007

Kingdom Come - Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins
Mirror Mirror - Gregory Maguire
The Tenth Circle - Jodi Picoult
Flashbang: How I got over myself - Mark Steele

December 2007

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling
The Darkest Evening of the Year - Dean Koontz
The Shack - William P. Young

Books I am looking forward to finally reading in 2008:

Sex God - Rob Bell (own it and have started reading it)

Lost Women of the Bible - Carolyn Custis James (own it)

Cold Tangerines - Shauna Niequist (need to buy or borrow it)

Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand (own it)
Fountainhead - Ayn Rand (need to buy or borrow it)

Fearless Fourteen - Janet Evanovich
Plum Lucky - Janet Evanovich

I am certain there will be a new Dean Koontz novel. I always find something I enjoy in every novel even if I do not enjoy the novel in it's entirety. The man is a writing machine and I wish he would revisit his characters from Fear Nothing and Seize the Night...the first book made you think there would be a second and the second made you think there would be a third and here it is years and several titles later and I am still wondering what the back story is for the character Sasha Goodall (Hey Dean, if your reading...I am begging you to finish this story line!)

My goal for this year is 52 books. Happy Reading!

Welcome Mackenzie Elizabeth Giles

2007-12-17T12:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had every intention of staying in my jammies and watching movies from the comfort of my bed all day. However, I had to trade it all in for being among the first dozen people to welcome into the world my new GREAT NIECE Mackenzie Elizabeth. We (Breanna and I) have already nicknamed her. Breanna calls her "Mickey" and I call her "Z.Z." because both of her names have a Z in them. So looks like I will probably combine it into "Mickey Z"

The video is crap until you get to about a minute and 20 seconds. The background conversations are goofy but ignore them and admire the cuteness.

Mackenzie was born December 16th at 8:14pm weighing 7 pound 1/2 an ounce and measureing 20.5 inches.

Some of you may remember this video when her Aunt Kira was born 2 years ago on the same day (yes I said HER aunt Kira... how funny is THAT!)

Crumpled

2007-12-13T13:52:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the oddest things will strike a chord in me.

A crumpled piece of paper nearly brought me to tears.

This particular piece of paper happened to be an application for the Adopt a Family program that we offer to members of our church.

I recall mailing the application to this family some time ago. You could tell by the condition of the paper that it was at one time aimed toward the trash can. I can actually see it in my mind. The mom or dad filling out the application and then because of pride and/or frustration or feeling that there are people in greater need they grab the paper and make that growling noise we all can make when overcome with this kind of frustration and they end up just wadding it up and throwing it away. Only to have the other person take it out of the trash and convince their partner that they really do need help this time. Sometimes pride can be a huge obstacle to overcome.

Then there are the applications that come in that appear to be tear stained. Single parents who don't have that partner to help carry the burden and so they have a double dose of pride to swallow.

I see these pieces of paper and know that these people sometimes identify with them…stained, crumpled. We still need to love them…He does.

This is just freaky

2007-12-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

Driving Miss Crazy (Episode 4)

2007-11-01T11:18:00.000-05:00

The scene:

7:15am, still dark, moon out, stars twinkling, Orion visible in the morning sky.
Truck is in reverse, I look over and Breanna (a.k.a Miss Crazy) is trying to bend the laws of physics and see the sky out of her window with the window still rolled up.

"You can still see the stars this morning."
(She acts irritated that I interrupted her star viewing with (of all things) WORDS)
"Science class ruined stars for me"

"How so?"

I dont recall her explanation but somehow finding out about gases, and the fact that we can see the light from stars long dead... having that KNOWLEDGE irritates her. She mentioned something about the stars in her head, and I told her that the stars in her head could all be alive and made up of bubble gum if she wanted them to be. She explained how that would interfere with her liking things to be logical. My response:

"Being angry at Science for explaining the stars to you is not logical"

Remainder of trip to school....silent.

18 Bits of Good Advice and 3 I Don't Agree With

2007-10-19T16:58:00.000-05:00

I hate emails that say "forward this to 5 billion people or all your family, friends, pets, accquaintances, neighbors and total strangers within a five mile radius will perish!" I received this is one of those messages. I really like MOST of the "bits of advice" and this way I can share and play a game all at the same time.

Here is the game. WHO of my dear readers can guess which THREE of these I do not totally agree with. Twenty million points to the winner.

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills
will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life
completely.

TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.

Weekend Recap

2007-10-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

Friday evening started the weekend with a visit from the Boston College Football team. They had dinner in the PressBox and then toured the museum. They were a group of very nice young men. Surprisingly...there was food left over. Part of the BC team heading down into the museum level

My favorite Friday moment was about 20 minutes before the hall closed a gentleman came in with his high school aged son. He told me how he grew up in Indiana and has been a huge Notre Dame fan all of his life and today he finally had the opportunity to visit and as soon as he drove on to the campus he started crying. He seemed embarassed because he had cried like that in front of his son. His son said it was no big deal and I said to him "Thirty years from now, you are going to look back, and be very grateful for that moment" and his dad just grinned. It was very touching...they almost made me cry.

Saturday morning started at 7am setting up for a Corporate Tailgate Party for Blue Chip Casino. Fun times...a little chilly, but fun times.

Once that was up and running we prepared for Rocket Ismail's autograph session. After he arrived and we were escorting him downstairs I told him that a gentleman claiming to be his high school coach had been hanging around all morning. At that moment the gentleman started walking toward us so I pointed him out and the look of joy and the bear hug that followed (my favorite Saturday moment) led me to believe that Rocket might be a few minutes so I ran down to tell our gang to tell his fans that he is in the building but would be a few more minutes.

During past autograph sessions I have learned that people are REAL specific about HOW they want their memoribilia signed. This sessions most popular request was "Rocket Ismail #25 1988 National Champions" now I know that does not sound like a lot but there was a great deal of stuff to be signed for a great deal of people...can you say HAND CRAMP...so Rocket asked if he could just sign his first name and so we informed the crowd that he would only be signing "Rocket #25" - some people were pretty insistent and this is where I came in - I had the privledge of being the voice of Rocket and telling people "No". When people would still ask him to autograph the entire Constitution on their piece of memoribilia he would smile and start and I would say to them "He is way to nice to tell you no, but I will, he is only going to be signing his first name."

There was also the rule about not coming behind the table...many tried shoving through...so I grabbed a couple of our male volunteers and turned them into Rocket's bookends. There was one exception to this rule: There was this little girl who was decked out in ND gear and she even had a button on declaring that she was "Gabriella Superfan" which was just too cute. So she will be on the website.

After that I had to get the stadium theatre set for a corporate watch party (a group reserves the theatre and watches the game and eats a catered meal in our Stadium Theatre).

While all of that was happening we had people setting up the Press Box for a Post Game Celebration party.

<---Pressbox view showing the windows that look out toward the river.

Pressbox view showing the Heisman Art Gallery --->

During set up, the elevator got stuck - had to fix that, and a toilet got clogged - had to fix that.

At 4:00 I handed the reigns over to Joe A. and rushed home so that we could get to church in time for my husband to get his directions for serving on our First Impressions team during all five services.

Good Times.

The Best Mom Song EVER

2007-10-04T07:34:00.000-05:00

Everyone at one time or another gets a song stuck in their head. I may have to TRY to get this one stuck in the heads of my kids.

Thanks go out to Jen F. for sending me this awesome video!

It makes you just want to save it on a DVD and play it for your kids EVERY morning...

(If anyone knows who this lady is, could you please let me know)

The best gift you can give your children....

2007-10-01T10:17:00.000-05:00

....is a good marriage. This truth hit me this weekend as I was sitting in church. Paige was sitting between the two of us and she always does this but it never occured to me why until that moment. It is so important to her that her father and I love each other that she finds comfort in having us hold hands. She will take my hand and put it in Dave's hand and then place them in her lap and hold them with her hands. It comforts her.

Dave and I have a great marriage. We are not afraid to show affection to each other in front of our children (totally in a G-rated way), we say "I love you" to each other and to them at least a hundred times a day and yet Paige still needs this...it is THAT important.

2007-09-25T07:51:00.000-05:00

I have not read this book...only a review, and this quote alone (used in part in this past weekend's message at GCC) makes it worth buying.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis

Only in my dreams

2007-09-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

I dreamt of my friend Tim last night; at least this time when I awoke I remembered he is dead.

The anniversary of his death is coming up. Don't know why I refer to it as an "anniversary" - it is not as if it is something I am celebrating. He has been on my mind lately more than normal. Probably because the weather turned autumn-esque for a little while and my internal clock knew what I was experiencing last autumn.

My own personal haunting...only in my dreams.

I feel like God truly has answered my prayers when it comes to that. I always have dreams about my friends that I don't get to see on a regular basis, it is what reminds me to stay in touch with them. When Tim died I PRAYED HARD to not have dreams about him. Then, because I missed him I remember sort of telling God that I take it back. That was when I had the last dream, where when I woke up I had forgotten he was dead and reached for the phone to call him.

God has been good. I have not dreamed of Tim since then, until now. I am actually kind of grateful for it. You see, you would think that having shared a nine year friendship with someone that over the course of time you would have some EVIDENCE of it.

Nope, not me.

I live in the moment.
I don't take pictures or video or things like that.
I have nothing but memories....
.....................................sometimes though I wish I had a video
................................................................just to hear him laugh.

So God gave me dreams.
Not quite the same, but hey...He's trying.

A minor irritation with Internet Explorer

2007-09-02T13:47:00.000-05:00

Hey!Internet Explorer!

Yeah YOU! Listen up!

Your new version included 2 things that brought me back from Firefox:

- Tabbed browsing
- RSS feeds updated right in my favorites window (no more need for Feedblitz!)

Well the RSS feeds haven't updated in over a month. The blogs have, I have checked. I thought maybe it was my computer. Well I have tried 3 different computers and no luck. Whats the issue?

I can get tabbed browsing with Firefox.

(Anyone know how to fix this?)

Driving Miss Crazy. Episode 3

2007-08-23T18:52:00.000-05:00

Another episode...remember Breanna is in red, I am in green; for those of you behind in the episodes:
Pilot
Episode 2

-This episode takes place Thursday morning driving Breanna to school-
-Drive begins with an unusual long moment of silence-
I am exhausted
Me too
I have a stupid song in my head. Zazu (see above video) singing Lovely Bunch of Coconuts
Sorry, I sing that whenever I am bored....along with:
"A monkey went to sea sea sea
To see what he could see see see
But all that he could see see see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea"
Poor monkey
You'd think he would have seen a boat or a fish or a bird
Or seaweed...
How could he see the BOTTOM of the deep blue sea sea sea?
I don't know
Must not have been too far from shore
That would explain not seeing any fish
Why? He could have seen minnows
Minnows in the ocean!?! They live in salt water!?!
They are just baby fish
They are?!?!
-This is where I TRY to stifle my laugh-
-Breanna is at this point speaking rather loudly and acting as if I just confessed to a hidden family secret-
I thought they were a species...a BREED! (said with lots of righteous idignation in her voice)
-I lose my stifle ablility and roars of laughter escape me-
You poor thing, I guess it never really did come up did it?
-Breanna has a look of outrage on her face-
Noooooo! When I was little you just told me to go catch "minnows" when we were at the lake, nothing about them being baby fish!
-me: still laughing-

This is where she gets out of the vehicle, I profess my love for her and wish her a fabulous day and she closes the door and starts shaking her head and spouting gibberish as she waves good-bye and walks toward the school.

Not sure what was crazier, the fact that we were analyzing that silly song or the whole not knowing that minnows were baby fish. God, I love being the mom of a teenager!

My new nemesis

2007-08-17T13:07:00.000-05:00

So, it begins...

Paige had been the only person at her school bus stop for some time. This year there is a new girl, Alexis. She is a year behind Paige in school and at least a head shorter than Paige.

The first day, once the girls got on the bus, as I was walking back toward my house a green mini-van came careening at me and apparently it was Alexis' mother who had parked WAYYYYY down the road to watch her daughter get on the bus because Alexis did not want her mother to accompany her to the stop for fear of embarassment.

So, yesterday when Paige's bus arrived Paige gave me the normal half dozen hugs and kisses and professions of love and as I am walking off I see little Alexis lean in and sort of look at Paige funny and whisper something to her and then saw Paige grin and shake her head and smile at me and then they get on the bus.

So, last night I asked Paige what that was about. Apparently Alexis asked "Doesn't your Mom embarass you when she does that?"

Silly child...Paige let her know that it is SHE that initiates these things. Paige is a regular snuggle bunny. She loves hugs and words of affection. She has a hug and kiss routine for farewells and bedtime. If she has met you, she has probably hugged you good-bye. Up until now, no one has challenged her thinking.

Breanna was done with hugs and kisses before she went to kindergarten. She recently started to allow me to hug her again and it has taken - oh, about a year - for me to get used to her WANTING hugs again. So, with that being said I have been appreciating Paige and yet waiting for my younger daughter to be anti-affection.

Let's see how much influence little Alexis has on my Paige's way of thinking.

Puddles-O-Poo On the Day Back to School

2007-08-14T07:01:00.000-05:00

So today was expected to be a bit crazy in my house. The first day back to school we usually scramble. The kids and I are both used to sleeping in and so getting up at 5:45 am is always a shock to the system this time of year. HOWEVER, this year...it went very smooth. We were prepared, no one was grumpy all went well. Unfortunately, I think that our doberman, Scarlet, was feeling the anxiety for us.

I was awakened at 2:47 am by (of all things) a peculiar SMELL. My husband said that he had gotten up a short time prior and the dog had an accident and he was hoping it could wait to be cleaned up until morning. (OK, we have been through this before, he knows better...he REALLY likes his sleep) So, we both get up and as I round the foot of the bed, I step in something squishy. I demand he turn on the light and I look down and see a puddle/pile of dog vomit. Yum! So, as I am waiting for my husband to bring me something to clean off my foot I watch as my pathetic dog walks out of our room, into the living room and pukes on the floor. So, I hobble toward the hallway - only to see A LOT more puddles.

It ain't dog vomit in that thar hallway.

Apparently the mess has multiplied since my husband originally was made aware of it. So, I rinse my foot, and grab supplies. Dave gets the hallway of poo, and I get puke duty. So, I clean what I can off the carpet in the bedroom - less than happy with the icky smell and stain left behind and I move on to the living room, and just as I am finishing with that pile I look over on the area rug and I see ANOTHER Puddle-O-Vomit.

Did I mention that this is at 2:47 AM?

So, I grab the rug and drag it down the part of the hallway that my hero hubby has already rid of Puddles-O-Poo and go back to clean the puddle left UNDER the rug...yes, boys and girls-it had seeped through. Once done, hubby takes the plastic bags filled with toxic waste out to the garbage and heaves the rug out the back door! (I will hose it down later)

I find a magical cure for my ailing bedroom carpet and apply it, grab the Oust spray and clean the air and hero hubby and I return to bed.

I can't sleep. I have a freaking song in my head, and when I share this with my husband he states he has the same problem. Except mine is One Week by the Barenaked Ladies and his is Pink by Aerosmith. So I decide to read the NIV version of Proverbs 12 and finally get to sleep about 4 am (ish).

Back up at 5:45, just enough time for hero hubby to throw on clothes and be to work at 6am...and there, in the hallway is another Puddle-O-Poo. So, since my magical cure for the bedroom carpet seems to be working well, I figured I would try it out on a fresh Puddle. So, I sprinkle said magical cure all over this mess and go to wake my sleeping children.

As I am on my hands and knees I start to remember a speaker from the Leadership Summit, Carly Fiorina, stating "There is a gift in everything if only we will see it" and I think to myself "where is the gift in THIS Carly? Huh? Where is the gift in THIS?"

Finally I get to shower and I realize darn it, she is right. My gift is that I have found a great magical cure for cleaning vomit and poo, and I can share it with everyone. So, here is your flippin' gift:

You too can make quick clean up of vomit and poo....
With Arm & Hammer Baking soda. (or whatever brand you purchase)

Seriously, I COVERED the last pile of poo with baking soda and it killed most of the smell and turned the runny mess into something more "normal" and easier to handle. As for the vomit, same thing...trust me, I usually want to heave myself when faced with that and this does seem to make the smell diminish almost completely and again, a consistency easier to deal with. The trick is to COMPLETELY cover the mess, no sprinkling.

So, there ya have it. The first morning back to school in a nutshell.

A Milestone for Paige

2007-08-05T14:00:00.000-05:00

To help explain, I am going to share with you from Dan Vukmirovich's blog this excerpt:

"This weekend we will be asking people to cross the line of faith by walking through a doorway we have set up onstage. Pastor Mark Beeson, has evangelism flowing through his blood. It's at the heart of GCC. He talks about a farming approach to evangelism where we plant seed, water, fertilize, and patiently wait for people to be ready and then we harvest. Rather than asking people to make a decision for Christ every week, we do it only 1-2 times per year. Part of his rationale in this is that most thinking people don't make life changing decisions in 20 minutes. I agree."

Paige walked through that doorway this weekend. I was happy and weepy and well, I was a mom. She asked me to walk up with her but when it came to going up on the stage, and crossing through the doorway...she chose to go without me, I waited at the bottom of the stairs...her decision...her walk...her journey.

She has already chosen her next step...Baptism. On September 9th she is going to be baptised, (this date is also mine and Dave's wedding anniversary!) and when we registered her for the event there were questions for her to answer and I am going to share them with you:

What was your life like before you met Christ?:
Um, wow...I don't know

How did you realize you needed Christ?:
By coming to church

How did you commit your life to Christ?:
Walking through the door

What difference has God made in your life since you've begun this relationship with Him?:
made me believe in something that I can not see but I still know is there

Currently Reading

2007-07-29T17:35:00.000-05:00

I must say this...not everything I read is for the purpose of learning. I read to read, I read to laugh, I read because I love seeing what the world looks like through the eyes of other people, I read because I love to see what other people can conjure up in their own imagination, I read to see what my imagination conjures up through the input of other people's writing, I love to read because there has always been something in every book of fact or fiction that I did not know before...even if it is a word that is unfamiliar that makes me dig out my dictionary, every book teaches me something. That is what keeps me reading. If I were to go blind tomorrow I would be thankful for braille and books on CD, and MP3. Blindness would not stop me from "reading" it would only stop me from reading with my eyes. Reading, to me, is second to breathing (and any other functions needed to live such as eating and hydration).

I am usually reading more than one book at a time. One of the books I am currently reading is a book called Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. One reviewer said that "Some will no doubt call it foul, blasphemous and sacrilegious. Those people need to learn to appreciate a good joke." I totally agree with him.

I am going to share two excerpts from the book which I think show both the humor that the author is going for and what the author portrays to be the qualities of what Christ may have been like as a child/young man:

First...the funny (beware...there is some colorful language in this book):

To get this, you have to understand that in the book "Biff" is brought back to life into current day by an angel so that he can write his "gospel" and is being forced to stay at a hotel and guarded by said angel until he completes his writings. He is fascinated at how long people live these days. Here is the excerpt that made me laugh the longest so far: (I have done some censoring of the words)

"If I do manage to escape the angel, I'm not going to be able to make my living as a professional mourner, not if you people don't have the courtesy to die. Just as well, I suppose, I'd have to learn all new dirges. I've tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I'm having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it that one can busta rhyme or busta move anywhere but you must busta cap in someones a$$? Is"ho" always feminine, and "muthaf**ka" always masculine, while "b**ch can be either? How many peeps in a posse, how much booty before baby got back, do you have to be all that to get all up in that, and do I need to be dope and phat to be da bomb or can I just be "stupid"? I'll not be singing over any dead mothers until I understand."

Now on a totally different note, what may be just as interesting as the author's sense of humor is that that I think Christopher Moore did some serious study of the bible and the history and culture of the bible as well. Again, it is a work of fiction, but really, I would love for a bible scholar to read this and write about the historical and cultural accuracy of the details in the book. However...his assumption of what Christ's personality must have been like as he was discovering how to BE the Messiah is very refreshing.

To set this up I will simply say that this is from Biff's "gospel" in which he and Jesus have visited, by this point, two of the three wise men who came to witness Christ's birth. (By the way, Biff calls Jesus "Joshua" saying that it is the closest translation to his Hebrew name)

Joshua reached across the table and took the old man's hand. "You drill us every day in the same movements, we practice the same brush strokes over and over and over, we chant the same mantras, why? So that these actions will become natural, spontaneous, without being diluted by thought right?"
"Yes" said Gaspar
"Compassion is the same way" said Joshua. "That's what the yeti knew. He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift"
"Wow," I said

Yeah, I read that and thought "Wow" and so I blog...

a S.W.A.T. to remember

2007-07-25T11:55:00.000-05:00

I love our weekly staff meetings at Granger Community Church (we call them S.W.A.T. which stands for Staff Working As Team). Today the meeting was led by our Senior Pastor Mark Beeson and we were discussing internal church things but Mark always has great biblical comparisons to current life and I am going to paraphrase some of today's comparisons...simply because they were AWESOME and I do not want to forget them. (My thoughts in green)

Moses probably thought his life sucked when he was 39. Toiling around in the desert with his sheep all of his life. Not knowing that a year from then he would find the burning bush. He did not know that his pain was part of God's plan. Who better to lead God's people through, and teach them how to survive in, the desert for 40 years than someone who had spent 40 years doing that exact thing! God had a plan. God's plan was/is good. The "pain" you are suffering through today may be part of something BIGGER and greater next year.

Learn in and from your suffering.

Everyone loves a dream...until it happens. Everyone wants to fly to the moon until you build a ship and ask for people to go. Then no one wants to go, it's too scary.

Prepare for change, prepare for the dream.

Seed or harvest? No one given a one dollar bill would think "Yee Ha! I've made it! This is the harvest! Payoff for my life's work! Time to retire!" No, they would think "seed" lets put this dollar to work. What could happen if we all thought that same way about a million dollars.

I don't have a million dollars, but my thought was that every day is a dollar and I can make that day my seed and plant as much as I can while I am here on earth and enjoy the harvest in eternity with God.

I love this team!

2007 College Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival

2007-07-22T10:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, I need to pre-empt this by stating...all of the pictures are from my phone so do not give me crap about quality...

The College Football Hall of Fame just celebrated it's annual enshrinement and this year I was a part of that! To be honest, ever since I began my new position there (only a month or so ago) I have been almost DREADING the event. Everyone has been so wrapped up in it that as an "Event Supervisor" they were making me nervous! HOWEVER once the big event arrived I HAD A BLAST!

Thursday evening was the VIP reception and the staff team was playing ALL POSITIONS. I for one had a part in acting as "security" while the VIPs arrived and walked across the street from their hotel in order to "protect" them from autograph seekers. Okay, have you seen me? Have you seen a Football Player? I was having a total Charlie's Angel moment and looked at my shoes and decided that I was prepared...I have 3 inch heels and I am NOT afraid to use them! The reality of the situation is that I was just using my abilities to keep things flowing smoothly and being kind but stern to people who might approach the VIPs that night.

Friday 8am I reported for duty and was given quick instructions on how to operate and drive a scissor lift and spent a couple hours in it doing some decorating. Friday Evening was the Beach Party...There was food, and fun and music and VIPs mingling and having a good time. (By 10am I was sunburned - appropriate for a beach party right? -and was primarily on my feet until 11pm and I was EXHAUSTED and wanted to trade my feet in by the time I got home)

Back in Saturday at 7am to prepare for (more time in the scissor lift) the Parade and Fan Festival which included the celebrity flag football game, football clinic for the kids, lots of inflatables for the kids at the Kids Zone (which I DID NOT get pictures of) and the Enshrinement Ceremony - which not only was I off the clock for, I was done in time to hit the 7:30 pm service at church while the ceremony was happening, nice relaxing church.

Friday and Saturday each had autograph sessions scheduled and, for me - not being a sports fan, I found it funny when I arrived Friday at 8am to find people had camped overnight to purchase tickets to them. I don't love anyone enough to camp out in line for them....well, maybe Jesus...but other than that I doubt it. Both autograph sessions were sold out very quickly on Friday...many people were disappointed.

One thing I did enjoy was being in the Pressbox to help make sure that the autograph line went quick and smooth. It was fun talking to these guys...by the way>>>they are HUMAN. They have families and friends and a life outside of football. The ones I had a chance to speak to are kind and intelligent, and funny. During the first session I was stationed between Frank Sheptock and Mike Rozier. Frank Sheptock is just flippin nice and down to Earth and I kept running into his sister during the weekend who is just as nice and if it weren't for the VIP credentials I would have sworn they were South Bend residents. Mike Rozier is...funny, and quite a character. He could not open his beverage bottle and asked if I had any keys and when I told him the key he chose to use happened to be the key to a church he found it rather amusing considering the beverage. He was like the class clown for the first autograph session.

The second session I was with Chad Hennings and Jessie Tuggle. Chad Hennings and I chatted about the Air Force and he gave me some direction to help Breanna get into the field that she would like to pursue when she begins her journey toward enlistment. Did you know he had to sign a special waiver in order to be a pilot in the USAF because of his height? Apparently there are torso length limitations that they prefer to adhere to. While I was chatting with Jessie Tuggle, I found that he is now coaching high school football and one of his kids is on the team. I guess that both his kids are very good athletes (according to their proud father) and that we should probably watch for them in the future. He was very kind and you could really hear his love for his family when he spoke of them.

So many things to share, but I hesitate to blog a novel - and --though I am exhausted, sunburned, scraped, scratched, bruised, and sore...I am glad I had the opportunity to take part in this event. It was interesting and totally different than what I am used to doing and it was a great learning experience for me. It also gave me the opportunity to spend more time with the College Football Hall of Fame staff and see everyone pitch in and try to create a fun atmosphere for our community.

Driving Miss Crazy (Episode 2)

2007-07-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

Breanna and I have had this conversation or versions of it more than once while driving somewhere:

"I want to get my belly button removed"
"Wwwwwhyyyy?"
"It served it's purpose, I don't need it anymore."
"It still has a purpose. Are you trying to be Kyle XY?"
She blathered on about after being born the belly button serves no purpose.
"It's new purpose it to collect lint."
More blathering
"Okay, I'll make a deal with you. I will pay to have your belly button removed as soon as I have saved up the money to have my wedding venue built."
"SWEET!"

This conversation reminds me of when she was but a wee child. I remember when she would accompany me to the store and would say "Mommy can I have that?" and point to whatever her object of desire was at that moment. I would say "Yes, honey, someday." and strangely enough that always made her happy. (the item would usually end up being a birthday or Christmas present) Funny how sometimes just giving them hope is really all that a child needs.

My Story

2007-07-11T12:44:00.000-05:00

When I first came on staff at GCC my initial reaction was "I am not worthy" and I would bet that many of my co-workers probably felt the same about themselves initially. I felt so much like a fraud that I typed what I believed was my story and gave copies of it to the two Pastors that I would be "reporting" to. This thing was (I believe)21 pages, typed, single spaced. I was certain that they would change their minds, but here it is 2 years and 20 days later and I am still here.

Today, driving into work I was listening to a CD of some worship music and the words rang true and helped me realize how much I have changed. I am ABSOLUTELY worthy of my position. It is not that I am any better than anyone else on the planet, but I realize now that I am EQUAL to everyone else on the planet. I matter and I deserve everything that I accomplish. God loves me just as much as he loves (in no particular order) Mother Theresa, Warren Buffet, Mark Beeson, Oprah Winfrey, Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, the homeless Vietnam Vet that I see pushing a cart every day down Sample St, my children, my spouse, your children, your spouse, our parents, my siblings, etc. I am no better and I am no worse, but only by Gods gift of his Son and the sacrifice made by Christ is that true. Which not only makes me worthy, it makes me grateful (for all things), less judgemental (of myself and others), more forgiving (of myself and others) but most importantly - more accepting of myself which makes me more accepting of others.

I look back at what I believed to be "My Story" and realize that the things that I thought made me undeserving were really not as BIG and AWFUL as I thought they were. Heck, some of it was not mine to feel bad about! Were there things I wish I had not done? Yes, but can't everyone say that?

Wow, have I grown or what?!?!

Just for Lindsay

2007-07-07T09:49:00.000-05:00

Hey Lindsay! I know how much you wanted to be there to support your friend Taya while she sang the National Anthem at the College Football Hall of Fame's Celebrity Softball Game, but couldn't because you were busy being a good mom celebrating your son's birthday (Happy Birthday Dawson!).

Taya sang beautifully...and by the way, the gentleman at the end of the line on the left IS none other than former ND quarterback Tony Rice. Lindsay, maybe you can come when Taya will be performing again on Aug 3rd, sorry I do not have all the details but I am sure she will share them with you.

Oh and Lindsay, Taya was wearing a "pirate" striped shirt in honor of Dawson's birthday...too cute.

The View from my beach umbrella

2007-07-07T09:46:00.000-05:00

On July 5th we traveled up to South Haven to see the fireworks from the beach. Viewing fireworks from any other type of location just seems lame to me. Fireworks on the beach make everything seem great...and somehow safer. The above photos are shots taken before the sun went down.

La Vie Binge and Purge

2007-07-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

Last night at the dinner table Paige asked Breanna to translate "La Vie Boheme" for her. Breanna told her that she thought it meant "the Bohemian life" or something along those lines. Paige being her 11 year old self was unsure about what the word 'bohemian' meant. So in her innocence she asked:

"Isn't bohemian when you stick your finger in your mouth and touch that little thing in the back and you puke?"

Breanna and Dave were quick on the draw to correct her and explain that "NO, that is Bulemia!"

....followed by roars of laughter (not at Bulemia but at Paige's incorrect interpretation)...priceless.

My Best Friend

2007-05-22T12:30:00.001-05:00

You hear the term all your life. "My Best Friend"

Little girls compete for the title (as if there is crown and sash) to be someone's best friend.

Even big girls play the game....that can be ugly. (I don't know if I notice it with boys or men.)

Some time ago I dropped the word "best" from my vocabulary when referring to my friends and I thought I would share about that. So, here it is. The reason for not having a BEST friend label:

It diminishes the value of your other friends.

So, with that being said, I am going to reinstate it into my vocabulary. The big announcement you have all been waiting for:

Who is my Best Friend?

drum roll please......

A friend for 15 years. Been through the good, the bad, the ugly. Shared or knows of my best moments, shared or knows of my worst moments. Has forgiven me for many things. Has loved me through it all. Laughed AT me through most of it. Doesn't always understand me but always accepts me.

None other than:

David! My husband!

I feel good giving him that title. He deserves it. It does not diminish the value of my other friends. He won't flaunt it or rub it in the faces of my other friends. He will wear it under his clothes like a secret identity. My own personal Superman (he is Super!), Batman (He would get a bat out of my hair if need be), Spiderman (he kills spiders for me on a regular basis)....Myman (you get the picture).

Now believe me, he had some tough competition. I am only listing here those people who were placed in my life without any blood or work connections. (Not that those people are not friends, but those relationships were easier to create.) These are the ones that I want to honor because I don't think I let them know often enough how much they mean to me. Let me start in CHRONOLOGICAL order:

Lori - Met in 9th grade. Heart of gold, has actually been around LONGER than Dave. Has also shared a bed with me (don't go there!). She was my only friend when I needed one, she hated me when we first met. She let me be me. She stuck. She laughed at my bike riding. She was there when I tried to be a rebel. She taught me that I could look cute. She brought out the adventurer in me. She remembers...sometimes too much. She may not know it all, but is willing to try most. Will do anything for anyone in need. Cracks me up. Is a survivor through and through. One tough cookie with a soft gooey center.

Paula - Met after I left high school...She too has a longer lifespan than Dave on the friends list. (she too has shared a bed with me....it's a girl thing) She has been my friend, my roomy, my party gal, my other half (she actually dropped down on one knee in front of Azar's and proposed to me once - ring and all - okay, it was a plastic "Big Boy" ring but it still counts...okay we were drunk and tired...so maybe not). She held my hair when I threw up from overdrinking. She taught me how to paint the town whatever color I wanted. She was my dance partner. My fellow "Illusionette" my fellow "Dream Weaver". She helped me remain independent (I know that seems contradictive), and helped me raise my oldest child while I was still single. She is a woman who knows who she is and is not afraid of life. She doesn't compromise who she is for what society says she should be. She can hold her own with a group of sailors but she is ALL WOMAN! She actually had alot to do with how I started dating my husband. She is always going to be there for me.

Jen - Met 7 or 8 years ago (time is foggy when you get older) She is actually an amazing addition. I met her through an old boyfriend who I remained good friends with. (They are now married). She showed me where my passions are. She raised my awareness of my abilities. She let me find out how much I love the things I love through experiencing them with her. She was my guinea pig. She is smart and fun and loving and thoughtful and kind. She is passionate. Did I mention PASSIONATE...about her husband, her kids, her life...She tries to give her all...maybe to a fault but she is learning. She is someone who I feel comfortable with in the matters of Faith. She shares openly. She loves immensly. She is another heart of gold...but she prefers platinum. Will do everything she can if asked. She recently helped me realize the disservice I do to my friends when I try to protect them from the bad things in my life by not allowing them to be there for me. Shame on me. She is my eye opener. I think I will call her VISINE.

I would also like to make special mention of a couple of interesting friendships:

Cher - I have not seen her since I left Florida in 1984. We lost touch when I was in high school but recently...this past January...I googled her (had tried several times over the past few years with no luck) and found a live email. So I took a chance in the hopes it was her and the opening line to her response was "Get out!". So, we have spent alot of emails sharing life and it still clicks. It seems like - how did she put it - our friendship was just on pause. This connection means so much to me. I can not even put it's value into words. I like what she is doing with her life. I feel like having this communication with her completes a circle. I am enjoying getting to know the adult she has become. In her minds eye I am still 13 years old and that is how I remember her as well. (I think it is neat to be locked in someone's memory without the wrinkles, stretchmarks, or extra baggage)

Tracey - Another long distance friend. I have not seen her since she was in my wedding in 1995. We met when I lived in New Jersey (late 80's) and it was like looking at me in a tiny little Italian girl's body. She was my constant friend, one of the family from the second we met. We did some fun stuff together, and some stupid stuff together and if she still wore braces she would still be picking the bugs out of them to proove it! We may not talk much but I know that I can pick up the phone and we can pick up right where we left off without any of the "why haven't you called me in X amount of time?" crap that some people lay on you. She is THERE. I am THERE for her. We know that about each other and are good with that.

So to all my friends. Thank you. Words can not express what you mean to me. You are all THE BEST. Each of you are so different from one another. (I find it fascinating that I have never had all of you in the same room together....would the building survive that much awesomeness in one space?!?!?) One of these days I would love to do a brunch to celebrate you all and the place that you have in my heart. Break out your calendars!

Love to my sisters!

Extra love to my Best Friend.

I am so blessed.

Driving Miss Crazy

2007-05-03T17:40:00.000-05:00

I love my time in the morning when it is just Breanna and I in the car driving her to school. The conversations should be recorded and maybe even YouTube’d.

Most of these conversations are utter silliness and are done while we are both laughing hysterically. It does not take much to set us off into hysterical laughter, but it is better than a cup of coffee for waking me up.

Last Thursday morning was one of those days. She headed to the car with a project board, and it is one of those that folds in three and so I ask to see it...and she denies me.

She DENIES me!

So I grab the back of her hoody and we battle on the way to the car.
She unlocks it, but I have the key fob…which means I have the power.
So I lock the doors.
She pretends to show me peeks of it, and finally she gives in.
Once we start driving, this is what follows that:

(Breanna quotes are in RED while mine are in GREEN)

“Why didn’t you want to show me?”
Which she blathers on about her artistic abilities and not liking to show her work to people, which I explain that I am not “people” and then the fun begins with her laughing and shouting:
“Help! Help! Rape!”
I thought I heard, and so I questioned “Help! Help! Hooray!?"
“No RAPE!"
" Help Help RAPE!"
" I said NO."
" No means NO "
"RAPE! "
"How would 'Help! Help! Hooray!’ get anyone’s attention?”
More silliness followed but it then led into:

“So, are you going to buy me coffee?”
I ponder and state “I have 4 cents in my checking account” while waving 4 fingers in her face.
“So, are you going to buy me coffee?”
“4 cents. (more finger waving) Which means I am broke. That is so little that they could not make it into one coin; they have to have 4 separate coins so you can see it.”
Then she stated something ‘off’ about a dime being smaller than 4 cents ….

“Hey remember that video I showed you of that weird group Lordi?”
“Yeah”
“Lordi is coming to Ozzfest!”
“We’re going to Ozzfest?!?!” (proof teenagers only hear what they want to hear)
“Nooooo, Lordi is going to BE there.”
“Hey who is that band that you used to listen to that wore the masks?”
“Dir En Gray?”
“No”
“Insane Clown Posse?”
“Maybe, I don’t know”
(Lots of discussion about her thinking it is one of those two and me doubting it)
She finally states “Slipknot!”
“YES! That’s it! Lordi looks like Slipknot mixed with Star Trek; one even reminds me of the Borg!”

Out of nowhere…literally, there had been a moment of silence and then she shouted:
[NOTE: THIS CONVERSATION HAS EDITED FOR CONTENT]
“Gummy Bear [EDITED]!”
"[EDITED]"
"[EDITED]"
"[EDITED]"
"[EDITED]"
" A gummy bear [EDITED]?"
“Yeah!”
Without any enthusiasm I could only respond with “Wow. It's [EDITED] honey.”
Because of a lack of proper response coming to mind; though I find the thought of her confusing it with [EDITED] very amusing, I realized I needed to change the subject. I then led into the question about colors and flavors of gummy bears and how she and I both like the clear ones that taste like pineapple....

She switches gears and goes into her rendition of Carlos Mencia's skit about Easter that goes something like: "Hide the eggs! And if anyone asks, eggs come from rabbits!"

We arrive at school, she gets out. I ask about her school ID, shout words of love while she unloads her school project and head to work with my head spinning.

Here are some links to help you “understand” our conversation (but really, you don’t HAVE to click on them. Consider yourself warned):

The Lordi Video
Dir En Gray
Insane Clown Posse
Slipknot
Ozzfest
Star Trek
The Borg
Gummy Bears
Carlos Mencia...Hide the Eggs! (this one is funny)

That was last Thursday. last Friday we bickered about whether or not I shake my leg when I am angry. I say no, she says yes. I say she is projecting her own attributes onto me.

So, just an ordinary morning with Breanna. How was your drive to work?

To be or not to be...

2007-05-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

An Oasis Leader...

What are the odds of 5 girls wearing the same shoes on the same night without prior notice?

I really don't have the answer. The above feet are Brittany, Jamie, Taylor, Emily, and Melissa. These are the 5 girls that I had the honor to lead last night at Granger Community Church's middle school ministry, better known as OASIS.

I decided to kick the tires on this serving opportunity. I don't know if it is where I am meant to serve, but because Paige has asked me to (she gets to attend this year) I am giving it a try.

My first impression...to be honest...indifferent. That is how I tend to be when I try new things the first time around. I enjoyed the group time with these girls, however because it was my first time I would have rather spent more time getting to know the girls. The agenda was already set and Oasis is wrapping up the school year and I was filling in for their regular leader...so I just stuck to the plan.

During the teaching time with Judy Gregory, I found myself watching how the kids were reacting to her more than I was paying attention to what she was saying. I believe I caught the central theme of it though. Raise the bar. How can you make the biggest impact with the resources you have at hand? Go the extra mile.

I guess I can look at it this way: Nothing that happened last night scared me out of coming back.

VT revisited.

2007-04-24T17:00:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking about my last post. I hate my "knee jerk" reaction to some things. That post was one of them. The more I look at it the more I think...okay all of it still stands except the part about:

"What has to happen before people start taking active roles to prevent this type of tragedy?"

Now that I have gotten past it a little, I realize that human beings are human beings. We do what we can when we can. Many of us just do not realize what we CAN do.

Then there was:

"There needs to be a way for someone or a group to be prepared to figure out who these people are. There should be a person or group that staff and students could go to who would be willing to REALLY look into the warning signs exhibited and offer support to these people before they take things into their own hands and find a way to lash out at others and/or themselves."

I can not reinvent the wheel, nor should I expect anyone else to. I do want to state, that I do NOT think it is the fault of the college that this happened and I fear that is what some may have felt that I was suggesting (though no one has said anything...this is just me reviewing my post and going 'Ugh! How did people perceive that?').

This is a good lesson for me I think:

Before posting about a hot, emotional, event and giving my opinion...not only do I need to give myself time to look at intentionally...I need to give myself time to react to it emotionally, let the emotions simmer down, and THEN post.

Noted.

Regarding the Virginia Tech shootings

2007-04-19T09:41:00.000-05:00

Please know that I did not experience college the way most do. I have a year under my belt at a community college and of course there was that year at beauty school...but that does not count. I say that to let you know that I honestly do NOT know what resources are available on campus and I am going to share a letter I wrote to my friend Cher who is a college professor:

"I had been trying to avoid the VT shooting incident until I could REALLY look at it. Yesterday I made a point of watching a broadcast that told about the victims and I had not realized how many professors had been killed and I instantly thought of {my friend Cher}.

It worries me that there were several people who feared this young man and no one listened to them. Fellow students saw in his writing that there was something wrong. He had a tutor that feared him so much so that she had a code word for her assistant to seek emergency assistance. There were records of him stalking not one, but two different women. Obviously no one was 'listening' to him either. What has to happen before people start taking active roles to prevent this type of tragedy? Those victims could have been my daughter, or her friends and the professors could have been {my friend Cher}.

This morning, I watched clips from the video that Mr. Cho made between his shootings and obviously this guy was hurting and feeling insignificant and was obviously mentally unstable. There are records of him having spent time in a mental health care facility. Isn't that on part of the background check when people apply for a gun license and make purchase of a gun?

College years are very transitional for most people. Some people do not have the maturity, sense of responsibility, independence, ability to adapt, social skills, level of mental health, etc. required to be in that sort of environment. There needs to be a way for someone or a group to be prepared to figure out who these people are. There should be a person or group that staff and students could go to who would be willing to REALLY look into the warning signs exhibited and offer support to these people before they take things into their own hands and find a way to lash out at others and/or themselves.

The Cho family must be devastated. I know the victims families are, but image if you were the parents or family of Mr. Cho...guilt on top of grief. Layers and layers of pain. How sad for all of them. What a tragic loss for all of us. What potential leaders, doctors, entertainers, authors, teachers, mothers, fathers, and friends did we lose in those that were lost that day? So many people with so much potential to contribute to society, now gone.

A shocking discovery!

2007-04-05T08:06:00.000-05:00

So, I got on here today because I wanted to create a new post and add to my list. You see, in my drafts I am keeping a running tally of books that I have read this year...I don't know if I will ever publish the post, but I like having a list. So in doing that I notice that I actually have COMMENTS on my last post!!! Holy COW! I have COMMENTS!! People DO read this blog...maybe it wasn't crickets I was hearing when I would log on and post.

The one from "Baker" surprised me. I did not know she read my blog...so let me give a shout out to Kristin Baker!

The other comment was from Dell's corporate office. DUDE! They must have a team of people just searching the 'net for stuff like this. I am torn...do I respond? Right this moment, the me who is on vacation is thinking NO, but the customer service person in me is kicking my shin and telling me it is the right thing to do. So, Dell...I will get back to you. It may be in about 10 - 14 days. (I am on vacation and next week will be chock full of catching up and working on preparing for what will be an awesome wedding event)

So, anyway...after all of the "excitement" I can not remember what I was going to post about...shoot. I'm sure it will come back to me. Maybe tomorrow.

DELL's excellent customer service

2007-03-28T14:58:00.000-05:00

My online chat with Dell customer service regarding making a bill payment (my payment is not due for a few weeks, I was just trying to make use of a gift card I received - a rebate from Cingular - a check would have been BETTER...HELLO CINGULAR! Anyway, here is the online chat with Dell:

3:44:20 PM

System
Your chat session will begin shortly.

System
Connected with R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)3:45:41 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Thank you for contacting Dell Customer Service Chat. My name is R****** How may I help you?
3:46:19 PM

Dawn Lovitt
i would like to make a payment to my account using a visa gift card and can not seem to find where I can do that
3:46:46 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
I will look into this for you right away.
3:46:58 PM

Dawn Lovitt
thank you
3:47:06 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
You are welcome.
3:47:11 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Please verify the full name on the account.
3:47:19 PM

Dawn Lovitt
Dawn R. Lovitt
3:47:36 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Thank you for the verification.The records show that your current e-mail address is dawnlovitt@serviceprovider.yay, is that correct?
3:47:41 PM

Dawn Lovitt
yes (email address above was changed to protect ME)
3:48:11 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Are you referring to making payments to words (she misspelled it, not me) your dell preferred account??
3:48:19 PM

Dawn Lovitt
yes
3:48:41 PM

Dawn Lovitt
i have been given a gift card and would like to use it toward this payment
3:49:46 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Dawn, I would like to inform you that you can't use the visa gift card to make a payment to words (she did it again) the account.
3:49:59 PM

Dawn Lovitt
you dont accept Visa?
3:51:18 PM

Dawn Lovitt
hello?
3:52:06 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Dawn, you can use only your checking account to make payments.
3:52:21 PM

Roselin Thomas
For further information I request you to contact dell financial at 800 915 3355. They work from Monday to Friday between 7 am to 9pm CST.
3:52:48 PM

Dawn Lovitt
so, could I use my debit card? (yes, I was ignoring her direction...I was curious)
3:53:51 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
i am afraid you can't.
3:54:01 PM

Dawn Lovitt
can you explain why?
3:54:16 PM

Dawn Lovitt
it is from my checking account. (she said "you can use only your checking account to make payments.")
3:55:36 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Dawn, as I informed for further information I request you to contact dell financial at 800 915 3355. They work from Monday to Friday between 7 am to 9pm CST.
3:55:56 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Is there anything else apart from this I can assist you with?
3:56:04 PM

Dawn Lovitt
well, no (she did not REALLY assist me to begin with...)
3:56:11 PM

R****** T***** (name changed to protect the innocent)
Thank you.

------------------------------------------------------------------
SO, with that, know that I have needed to use their pay by phone option before. For some reason Dell can not seem to send me a statement on a regular basis to save my life. I have it on my calendar to go online and check my account every two weeks to make sure it is current...I should not have to do this. Anyway, when you pay by phone or online they charge you anywhere from $9.95 - $13.95. Even in this case where I was trying to get ahead of my payment. What WONDERFUL customer service.

$88.79

2007-03-19T13:08:00.000-05:00

As promised I went comparison shopping for the items I received through my order to Angel Food Ministries and here are the results:

2 lb Lasagna w/ Meat Sauce - $6.99
2 lb OnCor Mastaccioli w/ Meatballs - $2.50
3 lb Popcorn Chicken - $8.02
5 lb Breaded Frying Chicken - $14.08
2 lb (4) Hamburger Steaks - $4.98
12 oz (6) Sandwich Steaks - $3.79
7 oz Mac N Cheese - $0.45
8 oz Jiffy Buttermilk Biscuit mix - $0.83
10 oz Peanut Butter $1.48
15 oz Cut Pears - $1.25
8 oz Sliced Pineapple - $0.69
1 lb California Blend Vegetables - $2.43
1 lb Carrots - $1.38
24 oz French Fries (steak cut) - $1.50
10 pack Frozen Waffles - $1.05
8 pack Hot Dogs - $1.50
16 oz Bean Soup mix - $2.25
1 (30 oz)Pumpkin Pie - $6.19
-----------------------------------All of the above for $61.36
32 oz (4) New York Strip Steaks - $13.98
1.5 lb (4) Pork Loin Chops - $6.18
1 lb (4) Italian Sausage - $2.98
16 oz (4) Chicken Breast (boneless/skinless) $ 4.29

-----------------------------------Plus the above items for $27.43

Grand Total of $88.79

A savings difference of $45.79

All of the above prices are the lowest possible price I could find for each item.
Please know that if I would have just gone shopping, those are not the actual "brands" I would have purchased - I prefer Kraft brand Mac N Cheese, I would have purchased pre-made Pillsbury biscuits, I would have purchased 4 New York Strips which each weighed 12 ounces and therefore spent an additional $6.99 on just that item alone. The chicken breasts I would have purchased from the meat counter would have weiged in at around 2 pounds and cost twice as much as well.

$43.00

2007-03-17T13:46:00.001-05:00

The following picture (to help you with proportions) is taken on my kitchen table.

I received all of THIS:

In case you can not tell exactly what it is due to the plain, no brand packaging. (and the poor picture quality) Here is a list:

2 lb Lasagna w/ Meat Sauce
2 lb OnCor Mastaccioli w/ Meatballs
3 lb Popcorn Chicken
5 lb Breaded Frying Chicken
2 lb (4) Hamburger Steaks
12 oz (6) Sandwich Steaks
7 oz Mac N Cheese
8 oz Jiffy Buttermilk Biscuit mix
10 oz Peanut Butter
15 oz Cut Pears
8 oz Sliced Pineapple
1 lb California Blend Vegetables
1 lb Carrots
24 oz French Fries (steak cut)
10 pack Frozen Waffles
8 pack Hot Dogs
16 oz Bean Soup mix
1 (30 oz)Pumpkin Pie
-----------------------------------All of the above for $25.00

32 oz (4) New York Strip Steaks
1.5 lb (4) Pork Loin Chops
1 lb (4) Italian Sausage
16 oz (4) Chicken Breast (boneless/skinless)

-----------------------------------Plus the above items for $18.00

Grand Total : $43.00

There is a local church that is a host site for Angel Food Ministries.

The local host site for the Granger, Indiana area is Calvary Chapel and their website is www.calvarychapelgranger.org

To put this in perspective: There are enough "Main Entree" (meat portion -if you will) items to make dinner for my family of 4 for 10 days. (Mind you a couple of them have enough to make 2 or 3 meals.) Plus there are some veggie options and carb options, and some fruit, and breakfast, and PIE...for only FORTY-THREE BUCKS! Let me repeat: $43.00!

Here is the basics:

Once a month Calvary Chapel places an order to Angel Food Ministries.

On their site they provide that months "menu" along with any "specials"

You must purchase the entire menu (which is what is listed above for $25.00) and it is ALWAYS $25.00. You can purchase as many UNITS of the menu as you would like. However, you must purchase at least 1 unit in order to purchase any specials. The specials are usually $18.00. and you can see above all the meat that was included in the special that I purchased. Once you order 1 UNIT of the primary menu, you can order as many "specials" units as you like.

There is a deadline for ordering each month and pick up seems to be 10 - 12 days after the deadline date. The only drawback can see for some is putting extra money into the food budget to by groceries "in advance" and have to wait to recieve it. For those people on public assistance such as food stamps or EBT cards...they accept them. Last time I checked they stated that if there is no balance on your EBT card they will wait to post until your card is credited again.

I am going to go to the grocery store this weekend and try to comparison shop the items I received and see what I would have spent at a local grocery store. I will be sure to post that as well.

My Celebrity Look Alikes

2007-03-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

No, I am not deluded enough to think I truly resemble ANY of these ladies, but it is nice to look and say, yeah, I have their chin, or smile, or eyebrow arch....Please note that the highest resemblance was only a 66% match. I think I will try it with a baby picture next and see what it brings up!

The Daddy Daughter Dance

2007-02-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

The Daddy Daughter Dance was a week ago today

Paige became a princess (all the girls became princesses that night)

Dave got a glimpse of his little girl becoming a big girl

Not, much for ME to report. I played chauffeur.

Ask for details if you see them...they had a good evening together.

...and because I wont be doing this tomorrow....

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Christians, by Maya Angelou

2007-02-05T20:49:00.000-05:00

Christians - By Maya Angelou